Memories from an alcoholic
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 206
I love this post!!!! It seems like we have come so far, finally being able to look back on our rationalizations and realizing how unbelievable irrational they were! If we were still in our dark days of drinking, we would still be doing these things....inspecting our cars, looking for bottle we're sure still had some left in them, adding booze to the most disgusting mixers imaginable just to get it in, the worry, the anxiety, the self-loathing and the fear of the unknown! It's such a relief to know those days are behind us!
Love love love this post!!!
Love love love this post!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Frederick md
Posts: 101
I could add so many horror stories to this list. Today I can kiss my boyfriend because I don't smell like booze. I can hug people. I am not afraid of what bottles are going to be found or having a heart attack after realizing I put that last bottle behind the couch pillow. Hiding things became sloppy. At the end I think I just did it out of respect. Greatful to not be hiding today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,374
Yeah, the times when I blacked out were the worst. One time I came home from the wedding of one of my nephews and I had been drinking one wine after the other through the entire reception. I'm sure I had some in the car on the way to the wedding. Why wait? I could get a jump on the whole thing and beat everyone else to a buzz.
Drove home and continued the party at my house cause it was my upstairs neighbor's birthday. I stayed with wine, cause mixing is bad. However, so is wine if you drink enough of it. Last thing I remember, I was sitting around the fire pit and talking with the birthday boy. Most of the others had gone home cause it was pretty late. (I was sharing with him about my late husband.)
Next morning I woke up in bed. Went to get up and stand on my two feet and felt excruciating pain. I asked the girlfriend of the birthday boy what happened via text. She said they had helped me to get into the house cause I couldn't walk and laid me out on the couch. "You must have put yourself to bed." They said I couldn't walk cause I was so drunk but having a shattered toe doesn't help either. All I can figure is that I must have dropped a heavy piece of firewood on the knuckle of my left second toe.
My first broken bone and hopefully my last. The worst part of alcohol is you can never tell when the next glass will be the last straw. Rather than play with fire, better to stay away from it altogether. That's the only story I'll share right now. As someone up above said, forward is the battle cry.
Drove home and continued the party at my house cause it was my upstairs neighbor's birthday. I stayed with wine, cause mixing is bad. However, so is wine if you drink enough of it. Last thing I remember, I was sitting around the fire pit and talking with the birthday boy. Most of the others had gone home cause it was pretty late. (I was sharing with him about my late husband.)
Next morning I woke up in bed. Went to get up and stand on my two feet and felt excruciating pain. I asked the girlfriend of the birthday boy what happened via text. She said they had helped me to get into the house cause I couldn't walk and laid me out on the couch. "You must have put yourself to bed." They said I couldn't walk cause I was so drunk but having a shattered toe doesn't help either. All I can figure is that I must have dropped a heavy piece of firewood on the knuckle of my left second toe.
My first broken bone and hopefully my last. The worst part of alcohol is you can never tell when the next glass will be the last straw. Rather than play with fire, better to stay away from it altogether. That's the only story I'll share right now. As someone up above said, forward is the battle cry.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Played some golf with my 12yr old today. Just a few holes. It was really nice just spending the time with him...sober.
Last year, I had brought my vodka and red bull...a few premade bottles of them. I remembered messing around with the golf cart recklessly. You know...teaching my boy how to misbehave. Some guy came stomping up from probably 100yards away. I mean...he had me in his sites the hole time. Came right into my face and proceed to yell at me for disrespecting the golf course. Yeppo. Real good example.
So much better having a clear mind, and a clean spirit. I'm so glad to be a worthy example for my son now. He doesn't know what's fully going on. He knows I drank before. And he's not seeing me drink now. He see's me being respectful of property too!!!
Last year, I had brought my vodka and red bull...a few premade bottles of them. I remembered messing around with the golf cart recklessly. You know...teaching my boy how to misbehave. Some guy came stomping up from probably 100yards away. I mean...he had me in his sites the hole time. Came right into my face and proceed to yell at me for disrespecting the golf course. Yeppo. Real good example.
So much better having a clear mind, and a clean spirit. I'm so glad to be a worthy example for my son now. He doesn't know what's fully going on. He knows I drank before. And he's not seeing me drink now. He see's me being respectful of property too!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,277
I like this post Incontrol- it's good to be reminded of why we choose not to drink.
I think like many of you it's the fact that I can't remember. There is tons of evidence that something bad happened but I have no memory.
One event that was a big eye opener for me happened about 6 years ago. it was New Year's Day and we started drinking the minute we woke up (mimosas). Then went to the bar for several hours. Then walked home. I blacked out on the walk home. I guess we went into a store to grab 40's (big beers). On the way out I tripped over a piece of concrete. I landed on my face and knee. Saved the beer though! When I woke up I was horrified. I had broken my front tooth, my face was scrapped up bad and my knee was in pretty bad shape too. That was first time I decided I really had a problem and made an effort to quit.
That will never happen again because I will not drink. Unless of course I have cake in my hand. I might try and save the cake haha
I think like many of you it's the fact that I can't remember. There is tons of evidence that something bad happened but I have no memory.
One event that was a big eye opener for me happened about 6 years ago. it was New Year's Day and we started drinking the minute we woke up (mimosas). Then went to the bar for several hours. Then walked home. I blacked out on the walk home. I guess we went into a store to grab 40's (big beers). On the way out I tripped over a piece of concrete. I landed on my face and knee. Saved the beer though! When I woke up I was horrified. I had broken my front tooth, my face was scrapped up bad and my knee was in pretty bad shape too. That was first time I decided I really had a problem and made an effort to quit.
That will never happen again because I will not drink. Unless of course I have cake in my hand. I might try and save the cake haha
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Thank you Lilly!
I was just noticing how my recycle bin is full of water bottles.
It's basically a blue plastic bin. One that easily shows what's in it when it goes to the curb.
Just a month ago and for a very long time before that, it would be overflowing with liquor and beer bottles. I was always embarrassed at what the neighbors thought, so I purposely rearranged the collection so booze and beer was covered by red bull and juice bottles.
Not to mention the bottles I simply threw in with the regular trash so it would not look as bad in the bin. Or the bottles I would throw away at car washes and gas stations.
Another sigh of relief. I'm going to be proud to put my recycle bin out there now! Might even put it out a day early for everyone to see!
I was just noticing how my recycle bin is full of water bottles.
It's basically a blue plastic bin. One that easily shows what's in it when it goes to the curb.
Just a month ago and for a very long time before that, it would be overflowing with liquor and beer bottles. I was always embarrassed at what the neighbors thought, so I purposely rearranged the collection so booze and beer was covered by red bull and juice bottles.
Not to mention the bottles I simply threw in with the regular trash so it would not look as bad in the bin. Or the bottles I would throw away at car washes and gas stations.
Another sigh of relief. I'm going to be proud to put my recycle bin out there now! Might even put it out a day early for everyone to see!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,914
Ugh, I have friends that do recycling to pay for some projects of theirs and I almost never gave them any of my booze bottles. And I drank beer! I had tons! Awful.
Happy that now I bring a giant bag of water bottles to them twice a week
Happy that now I bring a giant bag of water bottles to them twice a week
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Hahaha! I guess everyone had the same issue with the recycling then??!! Hahaha. Nice not to be doing that anymore.
Yesterday I had some cravings, but reading through this thread helped put things right back into perspective!!!
Yesterday I had some cravings, but reading through this thread helped put things right back into perspective!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
Wow.
I didn't notice the theme of your
thread until now, Incontrol15.
I could write a decent sized book about this.
I'll pick just one routine.
Devouring 95% of an almost full bottle
from the cabinet.
Then replacing it with another
with the previous one's amount
left in it. Repeat.
Followed by the next day's
easter egg hunt for empties.
I didn't notice the theme of your
thread until now, Incontrol15.
I could write a decent sized book about this.
I'll pick just one routine.
Devouring 95% of an almost full bottle
from the cabinet.
Then replacing it with another
with the previous one's amount
left in it. Repeat.
Followed by the next day's
easter egg hunt for empties.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
SR is a great place for documenting experiences and memories, addiction has a great way of making us forget how bad things got or the delusions we were under.
Going back to older posts can be a valuable resource!!
Going back to older posts can be a valuable resource!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
It's Sunday late afternoon. Peaceful moment. Relaxed. Got some chores done. Proud of myself as I'm on the end of my 4th week sober.
Wasn't all that long ago that I'd use this time to ramp up my drinking. I'd be thinking the weekend is almost over...gotta go out with a bang.
Was silly....cause in all actuality, the next day I'd just start drinking again anyway. In my mind some days were meant for drinking and some weren't. Even though I drank every day. I just did more on the weekend.
I'd also waste the weekend away. Go into Monday with very little, if anything done. Adding stress.
Man I don't miss the insanity. I am grateful I can go into Monday with a sense of accomplishment.
It's awesome being free!
It's awesome having a life and actually experiencing it. The good and the bad. After all, there's no good if there's no bad!
Sober is the way to go.
Sign me up for another month.
Wasn't all that long ago that I'd use this time to ramp up my drinking. I'd be thinking the weekend is almost over...gotta go out with a bang.
Was silly....cause in all actuality, the next day I'd just start drinking again anyway. In my mind some days were meant for drinking and some weren't. Even though I drank every day. I just did more on the weekend.
I'd also waste the weekend away. Go into Monday with very little, if anything done. Adding stress.
Man I don't miss the insanity. I am grateful I can go into Monday with a sense of accomplishment.
It's awesome being free!
It's awesome having a life and actually experiencing it. The good and the bad. After all, there's no good if there's no bad!
Sober is the way to go.
Sign me up for another month.
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