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Facebook faceoff

Old 05-14-2015, 07:03 AM
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Facebook faceoff

I am venting a bit here. As you know, I had words with my brother the other night and drank over it. My bad. I am still angry at what he said about me and my mom. Anyway, last night I saw a post on FB made by his wife (my sister-in-law) that flared up my anger all over again. They are all about image and they are sorely disappointed with their 3 adopted kids. None of them meet the high standards my brother and wife put forth. They are not educated enough (just HS), they work menial jobs, they are not attractive enough, etc. It is sickening the way they view their kids.

So, last night, my niece put a pic of herself on her mother's wall. She was sitting outside of her new apt. A FB friend of my SIL commented how much my niece looked like her. My SIL pointed out in no uncertain terms that my niece was adopted and she looks NOTHING like her! My niece is very overweight and my SIL has always criticized her for that.

So, I told my SIL that my niece could see what she wrote and how rude that was. Then we took it private into the FB IM. I got an earful about how rotten I am to her husband and all that. I ended up logging off on her.

I did not drink, but the urge kicked in again.

Do you think I need to get off Facebook? Or just unfriend my SIL?
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:14 AM
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Lose facebook.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:17 AM
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Originally Posted by ArtFriend View Post
Do you think I need to get off Facebook?
Yes.

Just one of a number of small changes you need to make to get and stay on the road to recovery.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:17 AM
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Facebook does not seem conducive to working on your recovery , I'd ditch it .

Maybe you can go back to it once you've got some sober time behind you .

I always found it too tempting to compare my internal life as to how others were presenting their external life , i kept coming up short in my eyes .. A lot of people treat it like self promotion and use it as a mirror of illusion to show themselves to themselves in a good light .

Maybe it's time to look at what hobbies you used to enjoy before alcohol came into your life ?
reading novels , painting pictures , satellite telly , walks on the beach are all favourites of mine ..

As a rhetorical question What do you want to do now your sober ? who would you like the sober you to be ? What things would you like to do ? How you going to get there ?

Take care , keep on ,

m
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:18 AM
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Get off Facebook.

It brings no good, ever!

Be present and live your real life!
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Nowsthetime View Post
Get off Facebook.

It brings no good, ever!

Be present and live your real life!
Agree with this comment and those above. FB only brings in
unnecessary drama. It's certainly not conducive to a healthy recovery.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:28 AM
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Yes, I would seriously consider deletion/deactivation of my Facebook account if I was in your position.

By the way, I deactivated my Facebook account about 7 years ago and have never missed it.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:30 AM
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I have never been a fan of FB, so agree with everyone else......

I would keep my distance from toxic SIL, However it does seem like the kids need a loving Aunt!
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:33 AM
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Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
I always found it too tempting to compare my internal life as to how others were presenting their external life , i kept coming up short in my eyes .. A lot of people treat it like self promotion and use it as a mirror of illusion to show themselves to themselves in a good light .
I totally agree with this.

Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
As a rhetorical question What do you want to do now your sober ? who would you like the sober you to be ? What things would you like to do ? How you going to get there
Excellent questions M. I am really just now trying to address these things. I have been for all practical purposes drunk for the past 14 years or so. I am finding it a bit difficult to return to my old hobbies and interests now. Maybe I am too new to sobriety yet. I do hope that my interest and enthusiasm returns. Right now I am white-knuckling and it takes my energy.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:38 AM
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I guess I'll be the OTHER vote. I love FB. I got rid of all the negative people. . . including my SIL. My FB newsfeed is happy, supportive, and kind. FB can be a great way to connect with friends and family, but, like anything else, it is what you make it. My FB newsfeed is drama free and inspirational. Like anything else, it is a tool. How you use it is up to you.

Now, regarding your situation. . . I'd unfriend yout SIL and keep your niece as a friend. Sounds like she will need your kindness and support that she isn't getting. You can be the difference for her and that is worth keeping FB for. Do not interact with your SIL no matter what. Once I stopped responding to my SIL, she started ignoring me, too. Ahhhhh. . . .peace!!!

Also, I keep the chat function off at all times. Yes, I agree that FB CAN be a source of drama and negative self talk. . . if you let it. Like I said, my FB is my happy place. You do have control of what you see and don't. There are some amazing recovery groups on FB, inspirational groups, and, whatever your interests are, many groups about that.

All that being said, your recovery comes first. So you may want to take a vacation from FB, then reestablish it as a healthy tool for you. It works GREAT for me.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:39 AM
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Originally Posted by newpage119 View Post
I would keep my distance from toxic SIL, However it does seem like the kids need a loving Aunt!
They sure do, but I was "banned' from interacting them as children because I am not a Christian (at least according to my brother). I would send cards on birthdays and holidays to the kids and my brother would send them back to me with a note of scripture that he misapplied. So, they grew up not knowing me, nor I them. I only know about them, but not them personally. As adults, they have not shown any interest in getting to know me because they have been brain washed essentially. Sad state of affairs.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:44 AM
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I found a good book to read helped those white knuckles unclench .. just sayin'
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:45 AM
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You can adjust your settings so you're not seeing what the sil posts.

When the fun of fb or any site left I deleted my account.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:49 AM
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Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
I found a good book to read helped those white knuckles unclench .. just sayin'
I am a reading fiend these days. I got a Kindle for Xmas and I read at least a book a week now. I am reading an oldie but goodie right now - The Prince of Tides
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:50 AM
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Hi all I love my Face Book page and all of my family well some of it most of the time.. and then i can go for a couple of days and not touch it.. but with out this tech I would not see the smile of my daughter in the Nertherlands or my Great Grand niece being so silly..mm wonder who she gets that from... and all of my Dear Stars from around the world with children in the military.. but then we have my sisters... Linda won't and has banned me from her page. but she does not talk to her daughter either. . Diane has to be a capital B and will have my Mom move in with her soon.. my Mom.. will never get to see her anymore when that happens.. I have found friends from so long ago because of face book got to hear their silly songs and laughter and the families that have come from them... sometimes I delete things that make me cry and hide things that just nothing I want to see.. I am an Old Lady from the time of white gloves and hats and gents in suits yet... I am so glad for the tech we have today.. for with out it the letter from my Son the Soldier would take 2 weeks to come home to Mom.. the green light comes on and the silly smile of a Moose with a Hi Moms what's for dinner is all that I need ...
Life is so hard.. and the days we are in make it harder. I truely miss the days of the 1960's .. for family was so important... and truely there were the bad people out there. but not as many of them.. love to you all. and please if you do open face book go to my page and laugh view my videos and sing and dance with my old hippy friend I just refound.. ardy...
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:55 AM
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AF, I agree with everything Mecanix said. I would give FB a break, if it triggers you in any way. I jump on FB once every other day or so, but I definitely wouldn't if I thought a connection there would trigger my AV.

Just stay sober, and everything else will fall into place. Good for you for trying to stick up for your niece, but your number 1 priority right now is you.

Sorry that happened to you. Just try to get back on the positive side of things.

Stay strong!
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:10 AM
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Personally, Facebook has brought me nothing but negativity. And I don't even post. Just reading the endless thoughtless rants by people makes me lose all faith in humanity. I think it encourages people to be mindless in their words. For a sensitive soul, it provides no upside.
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:10 AM
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I'd ditch FB for a while.

Facebook is almost like a role-playing game, with each of us creating our own characters. We attach our own faces and names to the characters we've created, and analyze our competition, and the games begin. People who have dreamed of being supermodels, playboys, rebels, politicians and suzie homemakers...they can become these things in "real life" on FB. When all of these fantasies are played out, it can become overwhelming and suddenly the lines blur between reality and make-believe. I find that this attribute of facebook to be extremely unhealthy and, frankly, pretty sad and pathetic.

There are, of course, many who use Facebook in a healthy way. These people ignore the weird stuff that others post, and just stick to commenting and chatting with friends in a positive and honest way.

The best advice here, IMO, is to take a long break from "The Book". Stay away for weeks, months, etc. It's extremely liberating and you're not missing anything. After that, I'd recommend a lower-profile and a lighter presence on facebook.
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:40 AM
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Yep, get rid of FB. I haven't been on for over 3 years and don't miss it a bit.

You mentioned you like to read....I just read a really good book about meditation and minfullness: "10% Happier" by Dan Harris. It's a really down to earth chronology of how the author( a TV newscaster/reporter ) went from drug abuse and panic attacks on the air and his journey through learning about meditation and mindfullness from some of the worlds leaders, and also about a lot of his stumbles along the way.

You self admittedly "over think" things and are seemingly drawn into drama. Eliminating facebook is a good idea, but there is still drama and discourses in the rest of the world. You need tools...white knuckling will not work.
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Old 05-14-2015, 09:03 AM
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I like FB, but I unfriend or don't accept requests from people who I don't want to know my business. I also only comment on things that interest me.

I say get rid of your SIL or anyone else who you don't like. Buy the way she sounds awful and it would upset me too to see someone putting down their own kids on a public forum. Good for you for calling her on it! But try not to let it get to you too much. You can't control other people.

Never argue with an idiot.... they'll only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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