wvtears

I was in a relationship with X for 4 years. Toward the end things got abusive and I knew I had to end it. My kids absolutely hate him, my family diowned me for a brief time toward the end, we are a family again now. X has been sober for 6months now and i am very happy for him. I am in another relationship (i do love this man but is not the same at all) I have everything here that I could ask for, he would give me the world if I asked and most of all my kids are happy. As for me I am lost... I still love X very much, but I can't forget what he put me through. A part of me is angry with him because it took THE END to make him realize he had a problem. He is now sober and working and getting his life on track and he now says he loves me. (I waited 4 yrs to hear those words.) I am angry taht I was not enough to make him wake up! There is no way we can ever be together again as long as my kids are at home. (14 &16)And as long as my father is still alive. i will not lose that again, and will never give up my kids for a man.
But I hurt so bad I miss him so much. He does not understand fully why it is over, he does not understand the magnitude of his drinking. He thinks that my leaving him was to punish him. I don't know how to tell him that I knew that I was only disabeling him by staying withhim. I see how good he is doing now and I am happy for him but I want so badly to love him again and I can't tell anyone. thanks for letting me vent :sink

zoomer

Hi WV ((((((((((huggys))))))))))))) and welcome to SR.
I'm glad you posted about your feelings. There is boards here to address issues of being with a active person or inactive called Friends and Familys of A(s). Ton's of support for sure! The only term I can think of for your issue is to let it go and move on. It's hard to do, I know ((((huggys again)))

Anna

Hi Tears,

Welcome!

Reading your post, you say that you love the man you are with now, but are still yearning for your ex. I stopped drinking a few years ago and one thing I found was that I used to love drama in my life, any kind of excitement, good or bad. Now my relationship with hubby is much more calm and peaceful. At first, it was hard to accept that it was ok like that, I missed the drama. But I quickly came to realize that this is so much better! I love the contentment. Is it possible that you miss the drama of your relationship with your ex and now that you have a man who really loves you and your kids, you find it a little boring? I hope you don't think I'm judging you, just merely suggesting that you think about it.

Love, Anna

splendra

wvtears-

Yea missing drama can get us into heaps of trouble....Have you considered that perhaps you need some recovery from living with an alcoholic? I think your feelings are not uncommon for what you have been through.
If your ex is truely in recovery I think he would understand why you had to leave. It sounds like you may have a little too much contact with him. You have a lot to loose there girl and it sounds like you maybe playing with

wvtears

Hi Anna,
No I really don't think that the drama is what I miss. I hated the drama he brought to my life when the drinking became a problem. I fell in love with him as a different man. I ended the relationship with the drunk he became. Now that he is sober I know that the man I fell in love with is out there. I know I sound crazy that's why I am here I have a hard time trying to rationalize it myself. My head is in a different place that I just can not get my heart to follow. I don't appreciate what my heartis feeling at all. I have a peaceful home and all that I wanted. Guess I just can't accept the fact that I had it once woth him and he allowed it to be overcome by his A. And when I see th sober "old" him it hurts. Why ? I don't know. I do know I can't go back and the reasons are all his doing. Why woukdn't he get sober for me? ????? Time heals all they say......... Thanks for listening it feels good to talk to someone who can listen objectvely

wvtears

hi Splendra, thanks for listening. I don't have contact with him at all . I ran into him 2 times in the last 6 months. Just a "hello r u ok? See ya' " kinda thing once at a gas staition and once at the quik mart. I know better than that I try to avoid being where he might be. Actually I will go on to the next store etc to avoid him if I see his car. I know how it affects me. And I don't like to feel that way. And I don't like the feelings it stirs to see him . I stopped associating with the same people he does. I guess i just need more time and have started crafting and stuff to keep occupied, and keep my mind occupied on positive things.

zoomer

WV, I think at some point in our lives because we are all here on SR, that we have gone through similare things. We are just posting what we have been through. It may not be what you want to hear or perhaps it is,but again there is an Alanon like forum here to perhaps help you better with what you are feeling. I still llive with my husband who likes to drink, I pretty much ignor him or his behavior and do my own thing.