Copper442

How am I supposed to stay sober when I can't stand being alone in my own head? I am so consumed with self-hatred that I can't see straight.

I get a week or two sober and the overwhelming disgust I have for myself becomes too much to bear. Drinking doesn't make it any better but at least when I pass out then I get a few hours reprieve from myself.

I can't be the only person suffering from self-hatred.So, how the hell do you deal with it and stay sober???

Fly N Buy

Copper442 - you are not alone. Most of us have regrets of who we were or things we did. But, we have to find a way to stay sober long enough to deal with those issues. Many of us discover we did things others have done as well. It's typically never as bad as we envision.

There is a way out and it's not drinking. The problems never go away........
I attend AA - there is a solution in the program to deal with the past.

Others here deal with the past without AA - I think the point you'll find is stop drinking, gain some sober time and then try to deal with the past.

First we do, then we work on what happened.
Glad you're here posting!!
Keep coming back!

Dee74

Hi Copper

I had that problem too.

a little counselling helped - but most of all I had to commit myself to not drinking no matter what.

Drinking just fuels the self hate.

Trying the opposite approach is scary but it brought results for me.

It was pretty uncomfortable there for a while...but I had support here, and things got better...

I learned to live with myself, and even discovered that I wasn't anywhere as bad as I thought I was.

I found the fear of living with myself sober was actually worse that the reality.

D

Mountainmanbob

AA and church has helped many to recover.
Of course many will wish not to attend.
MM

Nonsensical

My brother, that's your addiction talking. Mine told me I was a worthless piece of crap. When I believed it I was easy to control.
I did whatever it wanted.

When I stopped taking advice from a known liar (my addiction to alcohol) my life got better.

You can do this.

strategery

One of the things I do, is concentrate on how I am moving myself forward and making myself better with staying sober. I have also realized the past can't be changed. All we can do is forgive ourselves and move on in our lives with sobriety.

site1Q84

A lot of the things I've done that I was upset with myself for, I had done while I was drunk. I have a much better shot at liking myself and my choices if I cut out the alcohol.

Anna

I think it's common to have to work through those feelings of self-hatred and it's one of the hardest parts of recovery. The good news is that you can get past those feelings and start feeling better as you continue your recovery.

ArtFriend

I don't know your background but maybe counseling could help address these underlying issues?

Sasha4

Why do you have self disgust?
Is it due to your drinking or something else?
Is it because you drink that makes you feel this way or is it something else?

I found that getting busy helped me.
If I engrossed myself into something - a film, a task, or just doing something where I had to concentrate, I didn't focus as much on the fact I was not drinking and the thoughts that led me to drinking.

I did find out the hard way though that drinking made my self hatred, depression and anxiety worse.
Especially the hangover bit.
I found I had lots of time on my hands to think what a waste of space I was whilst I was lying in bed sweating and feeling ill.

I would say if you continue to drink then yes, you will probably stay in this nasty cycle of think, drink, think, drink.

However if you rid yourself of the booze, then your self esteem and self understanding my change for the better.

I wish you the best xx

Della1968

Oh dolly counselling has helped me but the biggest help is just getting time away from drinking. I have been through an infamous DWI and to be honest I am grateful for it because it made me face things that I needed to face. Even with everything going on with that I like myself now. I couldn't have said that a few months ago. All I had to do was not drink.

least

I used to wake up every morning hating myself. Then I'd drink, and would hate myself more.

The only way out was through. I had to stay sober to get my head straight. But it worked. I don't hate myself anymore.

Get some sober time under your belt, several months at least, and a good counselor can help too. Things will get better if you just stay sober.

Yazzylove

I echo everybody's sentiment..

I was the queen of self hatred I could not stand the site of myself, the sound of my voice, my body, my life.... I wanted to end it all but I knew I could not because I am a single parent with two small children and nobody can care for my kids but me..so suicide was out.. So what to do? I drank 1 to 2 bottles of wine a night EVERY night to just make these feelings go away! Over and over again! I thought my drinking didn't affect anyone but it did! It affected my children BIG time.. I had to do something else..

Hmmm how about I stop drinking for awhile.. Always heard drinking causes depression... I knew it wasn't helping my depression so what if I really gave this a shot? I was willing to be uncomfortable for awhile as long as I knew that it would help with my depression in the long run..

Well I have a little over a month sobriety and it really has helped! I'm not going to lie and say it's all roses... But I definitely feel the dark cloud lifting! I know it's a process.. But I'm just here to share that stopping drinking is really the solution.. You just can't get out of this state of depression while drinking.. You just can't.. And while I'm not in love with myself yet... I'm getting there!

If I can put my wine bottle(s) down so can you!!

Copper442

Thank you all for your insight. The general consensus is a good part of this will resolve with adequate time away from booze. All of you can't be wrong. It just scares the hell out of me to think what if I don't get the same results? Everything right now is terrifying. Sobriety, going through withdrawals again, trying to find some way to keep myself sober long enough to begin dealing with everything. I don't know.

I'm sure I could benefit from counseling regardless. I didn't have a pretty upbringing.

Day one will be tomorrow. I'll also hit a meeting. Something has to give.

Thank you least and yacine. Both of your posts really resonated with me.

silentrun

I swear it damages whatever part of the brain happy thoughts come from. The self hatred is a common theme among drinkers. I was simultaneously the biggest POS on the planet and the smartest person I knew. Stay quit and you can work out a balance.

Yazzylove

Yup silentrun! Exactly drinking numbs ALL emotions, the bad ones AND the good ones! So if you want to be happy.. Well you really can't be while drinking heavily cause it will numb the happiness out too!

Dee74

I'm willing to bet you'll find the same as we all did Copper

D

Venecia

Copper, I'm so sorry you're hurting.

As others have observed, drinking takes its toll on our self-worth. I think we've all walked a mile in your shoes. Your pain is real. It's also something that won't last forever.

I hope you'll pursue counseling. The upbringing you describe can be dealt with in productive ways, ones a good professional can help you find.

Don't let go of hope, Copper. Slowly, I began to care about myself once I took alcohol out of the picture. (It's a depressant -- don't forget that.)

You can do this. You deserve a better life and it is achievable.

FreeOwl

I used a combination of;

Not drinking
Counseling
Group men's work
Meditation
Connecting with community
Service to others
AA, SR
And not drinking

This combination not only supported my sobriety, but freed me from self loathing

You can be free too

Rainbug

I'm sorry you feel so bad about yourself.
If you are here you are on the right track to making it change!
I keep in mind ALL the time, what ArtFriend has on her feeds. Don't judge me by my past...I don't live there anymore. Perfect words. You are not that person anymore you are capable of being so much more.
Get the help you need but don't ever..ever give up!