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Fighting with that alone feeling in recovery.

Old 05-12-2015, 07:46 PM
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Fighting with that alone feeling in recovery.

So first off...I'm 4 months into this sobriety journey. It feels different this time...I think I've come to accept the fact I can't drink safely any longer. I no longer have to fight the daily urges to drink.

Now...what I've been dealing with is loneliness/feeling isolated in recovery. Despite the fact I'm quite active in it.

I go to a lot of meetings...but I still get the feeling I'm on an island during a lot of them. I don't have the personality to go up to strangers and start talking to them. I've made some AA friends and keep in contact with them...but despite getting a sponsor/home group etc...everything that is suggested.

I sometimes can't shake that isolated feeling. Granted I'm only 4 months in...and granted some days I do feel apart of things.

But I observe others at meetings/gatherings and wish I could connect as they seem to.

This is also where SR helps immensely. It's a different VIBE here.

Anyways just curious if others have felt this way?

Thanks for reading.

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Old 05-12-2015, 07:50 PM
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I felt alone for most of my life.

Getting sober really forced me to spend time with myself and that was uncomfortable cos I didn't like myself much - but things got better. I look forward to 'my time' now...but my social life is pretty full

I think change and growth is a process finding...what about asking some of your AA mates out for a coffee or a movie or something? get yourself used to interacting with people in a social setting?

D
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Old 05-13-2015, 02:23 AM
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I feel that way occasionally. There are a few groups I used to really love that I don't feel connected to anymore; alcohol is a big part of their culture, and now that I don't drink I don't really belong anymore.

But I have a pretty low "thermostat" for how much human contact I need. My job requires dealing with other people so work is about enough. I actually feel more connected to some of my online groups (dedicated to my hobbies/interests) because I don't know a lot of folks IRL that are into those things.

A big part of sobriety, in my opinion, is learning all over how to be a human being and part of society.
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Old 05-13-2015, 02:44 AM
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I too fight loniness in soberity. It stems from isotating before I was in active using. I have few friends, but deep connection. I like to be alone, but hate feeling alone. Having God keeps me connected, it is what makes everything feel okay. To once think I used to fill that feeling with drugs!!
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Old 05-13-2015, 02:45 AM
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I was the loneliest guy in AA for a time. I felt different, a huge sense of shame. I actually thought I was the worst person ever to come to AA and if they knew what I was really like they would kick me out.

I found out through the steps that actually I was just an ordinary run of the mill alcoholic. There was nothing I had done that someone else hadn't done. There was nothing particularly bad about me, I had an illness and I behaved the same as others with the same illness.

Yup, it was through the steps that I lost that loneliness. Actually, I'm not sure loneliness is the right word. It was more feeling apart from, an sense of separation, perhaps shame.
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Old 05-13-2015, 03:24 AM
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Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
But I have a pretty low "thermostat" for how much human contact I need. My job requires dealing with other people so work is about enough. I actually feel more connected to some of my online groups (dedicated to my hobbies/interests) because I don't know a lot of folks IRL that are into those things.
This is how I feel. I am married and live in a large city, so don't lack for human contact. I emphasize quality over quantity. That is, the friends in my life are of a spiritual bent, so our conversations and interactions are more interesting. I love online interaction because people seem to be able to share more easily and be themselves.
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Old 05-13-2015, 03:28 AM
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Volunteer work and Meetup groups are great for meeting new people with the same interests. I also feel like I have made good use of my time, contributed something meaningful when I engage in those activities.
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Old 05-13-2015, 05:49 AM
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Hi.
I think your feelings are held by the majority of new people in AA. I had them for a short time UNTIL I got involved and active like making coffee, setting up the hall, cleaning up afterwards, even washing those smelly metal ash trays, going on commitments, speaking at meetings about your feelings and on and on.
Problems like this can be handled with the help of a sponsor, if we have/use one.
Try to remember “it works if we WORK IT.”

WE WELL
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Old 05-13-2015, 06:41 AM
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Thanks to everyone for their responses.

Enjoy the day.

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Old 05-13-2015, 07:39 AM
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I live with two dogs and five cats so I never feel alone.
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Old 05-13-2015, 07:44 AM
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I had to learn to be comfortable with myself in early recovery. Before I started drinking, I didn't like to be alone and I drank when I was alone, at home to ease those feelings. I think if you are patient with yourself, become comfortable with yourself, you will be fine. I should add that I don't easily mix with people I don't know well and I have come to terms with that. It's quite okay.
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Old 05-13-2015, 08:01 AM
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I think sobriety can make you feel alone even when your not, until your used to it I guess
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