ClarityRedux

Hello, all. I'm 57, divorced twice, the second time was my decision (we are still friends), and I'm an ACA. I've been in therapy and understand what makes me "tick".

I recently met someone on an online dating site, and found out from her that she is a recovering alcoholic, 18 years sober. Per her request, we are moving slowly, but the time we spend together is always fun and pleasant, and this past weekend, she demonstrated more affection than she has in our previous dates. We chat nearly everyday. She has a support group, is active in her church, exercises regularly and is a responsible individual at her job and with her two adopted kids.

My concern is that I might be acting from my ACA "state". I was involved very deeply with someone who was bipolar, and finally broke it off after 3 years because I tired of the drama. I have not seen her demonstrate anything other than the usual foibles we all have. I'm finding that I'd rather date her than attempt anything with someone who isn't dealing with alcohol abuse issues. Oh, and we have not been intimate, though I think we are headed in that direction.

Comments?

Dee74

Hi ClarityRedux

I understand why you might be wary of alcoholics - but if you're enjoying this woman's company and everything is going well, I see no reason to change things...just continue to take things at your own speed.

You'll know if you feel uncomfortable or not.

I can't speak for this woman of course but, whatever we used to be, some of us really are recovered - and 18 years is quite a recovery

best wishes to you both
D

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR, ClarityRedux! It's good to have you with us. I don't know what an "ACA" is, so I guess I don't have any specific advice. But you will find lots of support here!

Gottalife

If it feels right, go for it. A recovered alcoholic can be a real catch

From what you have told us, I don't see any risk factors. In fact there would be just as much or more risk in dating an earth person who wouldn't understand your ACA experience.

Oclaf

18 years is some solid time. She sounds like she has a solid life as well! We all have our demons and alcohol was hers and she was able to recover! Being an ACA it is understandable why you are cautious, I think we should all be cautious who we get involved with alcoholic or not! I think you should proceed and not let it deter you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum ClarityRedux!!

Aellyce

Same thoughts as the other posters here. It's very good that you are aware and stay aware of your past challenges and what you learn about her, but I would personally just take her as a new friend and not worry much about her far past, unless she gives you a reason. I agree, 18 years is a very long time. I've been sober only over 15 months but I don't feel at all that my past active alcoholic period affects my new relationships at all now, especially recently. I also don't feel particularly fragile or vulnerable emotionally now in any way that I can relate to the alcoholism problem. I would say, if you enjoy each-others' company, give it a chance! We don't meet people we click with very well everyday

least

Welcome to the family. She sounds like a nice person, strong in her recovery.

site1Q84

Myth, I believe an ACA is an Adult Child of Alcoholic..

Welcome Clarity! Sounds like you're being cautious and taking it slow. Nothing wrong with that! 18 years is a long time, but never hurts to keep an eye out since you know what you're looking for..