Girlfriend wants me to start drinking again
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Hey tornado, the advice given to you by the others keeps repeating the same pattern. I know that you don't want to see it. That is why you keep asking - what else. Dude, you can let this bash you in over and over or you can look out for you. Either path is not easy. But looking out for you is easier in time. It hurts now, it gets better with time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Originally Posted by tornadostick 
I stopped drinking almost a year and a half ago.....
the four options I see are 1) I start drinking (not happening) 2) she gets sober (she stubbornly refuses although she has tried multiple times and failed) 3) we break up (neither of us wants this 4) she learns to accept my sobriety (I'm okay with her drinking if she can do so responsibly but she definitely cant drink responsibly (maybe one in 10 times she can). Please help us, What do we do?
the four options I see are 1) I start drinking (not happening) 2) she gets sober (she stubbornly refuses although she has tried multiple times and failed) 3) we break up (neither of us wants this 4) she learns to accept my sobriety (I'm okay with her drinking if she can do so responsibly but she definitely cant drink responsibly (maybe one in 10 times she can). Please help us, What do we do?
I wish you luck, and congratulations on 1.5 years!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Kansas
Posts: 399
Tornadostick, I read your update. That seems like a decent plan but it is actions, not words, that are important. Keep that in mind as you go forward. And I still urge you to read over on the friends and family side. You will see thread after thread that covers how to handle being in a relationship with an addict. It will be worth your while if you really feel like you need to stick this out. Setting boundaries will be of the utmost importance for you. Especially since you are fighting to remain sober.
Good luck to you.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Tornadostick, I hate to jump on the bandwagon here, but you've got to look out for you. You guys are so young and a lot of us here wish we could hit the rewind button back to that age and make different decisions than we did; at least I do.
I was in your boat once and still am to some extent. My wife of 10 years; been together for 18; still drinks and drinks daily. She has cut way back from our old days, but I still wish she wanted to quit all together. I'm at day 310 sober today, and could not be happier.
What I've learned is that I am a much better dad, husband and overall human being when I'm sober. I can only control my own actions. My efforts in sobriety benefit those around me, but I can only control me. We have had to make a big adjustment in life since we were drinking when we met, drank before we were married and drank heavily up until a couple years ago.
Not an easy choice, but you have your whole lives ahead of you. Just remember, you can only control you. Help your GF along, but ultimately she is going to make her own decisions and they might not be in your best interest.
Best of luck! Lean on us as much as you need.
I was in your boat once and still am to some extent. My wife of 10 years; been together for 18; still drinks and drinks daily. She has cut way back from our old days, but I still wish she wanted to quit all together. I'm at day 310 sober today, and could not be happier.
What I've learned is that I am a much better dad, husband and overall human being when I'm sober. I can only control my own actions. My efforts in sobriety benefit those around me, but I can only control me. We have had to make a big adjustment in life since we were drinking when we met, drank before we were married and drank heavily up until a couple years ago.
Not an easy choice, but you have your whole lives ahead of you. Just remember, you can only control you. Help your GF along, but ultimately she is going to make her own decisions and they might not be in your best interest.
Best of luck! Lean on us as much as you need.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
23 and 21,
There is debate on who gets credit for this quote: "Youth is wasted on the young." Just thought I would throw that out there. I had been drinking about twice as long as your girlfriend has been breathing.
She has her own agenda which may or may not include you in the long run. I'm not speculating on anything. You are so very young. I remember the love of my life when I was 19. Then 24, then 31, then, But this time it's for real and forever. I just celebrated 5 years marriage to the most wonderfullest woman. I'm 56 - I keep forgetting that.
So many of us wish we could go back in time and know then what we know now. I envy you in that you are able to realize drinking has become a problem. I was invincible at your age and alcohol problems were a right of passage back then. I had my first blackout when I was around 16 and, "Man you should have seen yourself. You were a riot."
Our society has matured over the past few decades - but still has a long way to go. I'm glad you are able to see the problem for what it is and the potential for it to worsen down the road. You may think that giving up your girlfriend is the end of the world right now. But I assure you that unless she and you are able to find your own way, this cycle will continue and you will grow apart anyway.
You need to protect yourself and grow into who you are. Compromising yourself to meet her expectations is a NO WIN scenario for both of you. You will either fall back into alcohol land. She will grow tired of you not being "fun" anymore. You may become frustrated that you are holding yourself back. You may eventually grow tired of waiting for her to "see the light".
You are so young. Fix yourself first. And if that means taking a "break" from your girlfriend then that's what you should do.
It sounds like she is the one calling the shots in this relationship. She is telling you to drink again. It's time you start calling the shots.
MAN UP!
Giver her the ultimatum. Why should you compromise your existence to please her? If she is not on board with your sobriety, she will only bring you down with her. Give her her space - tell her you are going to give her space. And if she is able to grasp the full reality of the situation and wants to be with you, she'll do what's needed. Or else she needs a few more years to get it out of her system. Only she can make that determination for herself. Let her know you care. But also be firm with her.
Wish you luck man. Look out for number one in the meantime.
There is debate on who gets credit for this quote: "Youth is wasted on the young." Just thought I would throw that out there. I had been drinking about twice as long as your girlfriend has been breathing.
She has her own agenda which may or may not include you in the long run. I'm not speculating on anything. You are so very young. I remember the love of my life when I was 19. Then 24, then 31, then, But this time it's for real and forever. I just celebrated 5 years marriage to the most wonderfullest woman. I'm 56 - I keep forgetting that.
So many of us wish we could go back in time and know then what we know now. I envy you in that you are able to realize drinking has become a problem. I was invincible at your age and alcohol problems were a right of passage back then. I had my first blackout when I was around 16 and, "Man you should have seen yourself. You were a riot."
Our society has matured over the past few decades - but still has a long way to go. I'm glad you are able to see the problem for what it is and the potential for it to worsen down the road. You may think that giving up your girlfriend is the end of the world right now. But I assure you that unless she and you are able to find your own way, this cycle will continue and you will grow apart anyway.
You need to protect yourself and grow into who you are. Compromising yourself to meet her expectations is a NO WIN scenario for both of you. You will either fall back into alcohol land. She will grow tired of you not being "fun" anymore. You may become frustrated that you are holding yourself back. You may eventually grow tired of waiting for her to "see the light".
You are so young. Fix yourself first. And if that means taking a "break" from your girlfriend then that's what you should do.
It sounds like she is the one calling the shots in this relationship. She is telling you to drink again. It's time you start calling the shots.
MAN UP!
Giver her the ultimatum. Why should you compromise your existence to please her? If she is not on board with your sobriety, she will only bring you down with her. Give her her space - tell her you are going to give her space. And if she is able to grasp the full reality of the situation and wants to be with you, she'll do what's needed. Or else she needs a few more years to get it out of her system. Only she can make that determination for herself. Let her know you care. But also be firm with her.
Wish you luck man. Look out for number one in the meantime.
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