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How to ask for help in AA

Old 05-12-2015, 10:04 AM
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How to ask for help in AA

This may be a stupid question but I'll ask it anyway.

I've been to a few AA meetings. Went in and left as soon as the meeting was over. My therapist tells me I need to get help from the folks in AA.

So, just how do you do that? Raise you hand and share that you need help? Hang around after the meetings and talk to people and ask those people for help?

Or should I just hang out after meetings and start talking to --- whoever?

I will check back during the day to see if there are any responses. I'm at work and can't monitor responses closely - sorry.

Thanks for any input.
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Old 05-12-2015, 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by ClearLight View Post
So, just how do you do that? Raise you hand and share that you need help? Hang around after the meetings and talk to people and ask those people for help?

Or should I just hang out after meetings and start talking to --- whoever?
All of the above would work. You could also call any numbers of people from the meetings that you were given or the local AA number. All you have to do is just ask!
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Old 05-12-2015, 10:20 AM
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Yes, they suggest sticking with the same gender but for many in the LGBQT community ( or for other personal reasons ) this may not be helpful.
I put it out at a woman's meeting once " my therapist told me to speak up st meeting level , so this is it". Lol , I never was a big talker at meetins, I'm an introvert and an HSP and it felt uncomfortable being in rooms with so many people. But jus saying little things like That got me hooked up with the right women.
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Old 05-12-2015, 10:24 AM
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I share at some meetings and say that I need help with whatever the situation is. I get phone numbers too! Whenever I've said I needed help, someone always approaches me at the end of the meeting. Hang around, see if you can help clear up after the meeting and see what happens :-)
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Old 05-12-2015, 10:45 AM
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Definitely pick up a phone list if you don't already have one. Keep in mind all of these people have been where you are, and someone helped them along the way too!
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Old 05-12-2015, 11:09 AM
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It's not a stupid question at all. What kind of help are you looking for? Do you mean finding a sponsor so you can start working the 12-step programme (which was massively helpful to me)? Or more general?

I listened to others speaking and watched how they interacted with others. I felt like I wanted someone who would be honest and direct with me, and quite firm and not put up with any of my excuses or nonsense. After a meeting while we were all clearing away I told her that I felt like I was ready to start working the programme and would she consider being my sponsor? I thought she's say that she's think on it and let me know, but it was an instant "Yes. I will be your sponsor." And that was that. I tend to e-mail her rather than phone as I have bad hearing. If I'm struggling with things in my day / week she is fab at e-mailing me back with advice and encouragement. I have also become quite friendly with a girl who has only been coming for about a month. We share a car to get to one of our out-of-town meetings and text during the week. Although she has only recently arrived, she has already been a great source of support to me a few times. Hopefully I can also do the same for her.

Lots of more general help and friendship is found before and after meetings and during tea breaks. Although I'm not on official 'duties' yet, I always try to get there at least 20 mins early so I can help set up the room, and have a coffee and a chat. Afterwards I stay until we've finished tidying up and chat as I help dry cups or whatever. This is when we get to know the quieter people who are reticent about sharing in the actual meeting. It is when the people there get to know and understand you so they are better placed to help you. Just turn up and offer a hand and generally one will be offered back. That's the beauty of the fellowship.
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Old 05-12-2015, 12:22 PM
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Thanks all.
I'm not really sure what kind of help to ask for. Probably not ready for a sponsor.

Phone numbers would be nice. My pattern is buying wine on the way home from work and then drinking at night. I wake up and resolve never to do that again and by the end of the work day I have literally forgotten my problem. Either that or I tell myself this is the last night.

In the morning I know that's a lie. In the evening I think that is the truth. So, I guess if I had numbers to call on the way home it would help a lot.
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Old 05-12-2015, 12:33 PM
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Or go to meetings in the evenings after work?
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Old 05-12-2015, 12:37 PM
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Originally Posted by ClearLight View Post
Thanks all. I'm not really sure what kind of help to ask for. Probably not ready for a sponsor. Phone numbers would be nice. My pattern is buying wine on the way home from work and then drinking at night. I wake up and resolve never to do that again and by the end of the work day I have literally forgotten my problem. Either that or I tell myself this is the last night. In the morning I know that's a lie. In the evening I think that is the truth. So, I guess if I had numbers to call on the way home it would help a lot.
I go to meetings in the evenings which helps a lot on the walk home :-) I also alternate with some morning meetings which sets me up for the day.

If you share, then it's likely that people will come up to you afterwards to talk anyway. As soon as someone finds out I'm newly sober or that I'm new to that meeting, I get given a number or two!
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