A little sponsor vent and thanks or listening

Old 05-12-2015, 08:17 AM
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A little sponsor vent and thanks or listening

Coming up on 4 months sober. Something that bothers me from time to time. I have a sponsor who always has a lot of personal drama going on (boyfriend, ex, daughter) and she brings it to our meetings when we're supposed to be working on a step. I could spend my time doing lots of other things than listening to her crap or let's not call the meeting about working on one of my steps, let's just meet as friends and bitch about our lives. I don't mean to be cold or harsh. But nothing about me or my personal life was discussed. I had to sit and listen and give advice while she went on and on about her boyfriend issues. Finally we spend a few minutes talking about what we met for in the first place. I tend to attract people who talk a lot anyway. I'm not one for going on about my personal life much and I tend to be a good listener. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse. But geez. Last night I was a little ticked off. It's not the first time this has happened. Maybe she sees me as a friend besides a sponsee so perhaps we should set time for friend talk and then time for sponsor-sponsee talk. Maybe that's the solution.

I sent her a text this morning and said I'm not calling every day anymore. I'll be happy to text a daily update to her and let her know I'm doing fine or if not, I'll call but we can set specific days to talk but it's not going to be every single day anymore.

Thanks for letting me vent. I didn't drink over it.
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Old 05-12-2015, 08:30 AM
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I have always been told if a sponser doesn't fit with
Your goals on sobriety to find another sponser.
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Old 05-12-2015, 08:38 AM
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I'd agree with Ice, if your sponsor is not sticking to business find a different one.
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Old 05-12-2015, 08:43 AM
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Hi Elle, I don't have a sponsor. But, I was talking to a woman who was temporarily sponsoring me and it was the same thing. Her drama, her husband, her dog, her vacations, her daughter, her step kids, drama drama drama, By the way, how are you doing? More drama drama drama. Oh! Look at the time! I gotta go. Next time we'll work. What were we working on? So, I don't currently have a sponsor.

I'd say if you like her, keep her as a friend, but find a different sponsor for step work.
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ElleDee (05-12-2015)
Old 05-12-2015, 08:49 AM
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Not everyone is meant to be a sponsor even if they have completed all the steps and is sober. I always think about it like being a teacher. Just because I completed university doesn't mean I would even make a good kindergarten teacher.
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Old 05-12-2015, 09:00 AM
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When I go to meetings I like to listen
for the messages of hope that will help
me remain sober. I realize that no one
is perfect in all areas of their life and I
learned not to take anothers inventory.

I go to my meetings to get what I need
in recovery and to help me better my
recovery. Some go off the grid and begin
airing out their laundry so to speak and
to me that is a turn off.

I talked to my sponsor away from
meetings about my personal struggles
and she always pointed me to the Big
Book for answers. And that to be is
keeping with the guidelines of recovery.

I understand we all need a place or
someone we can vent to to lighten
the stress load on our shoulders like
a good friend or a spouse, even our
pets who show us unconditional love
no matter whats going on.

Anyway, im glad you are looking for
healthier boundries in recovery
and ur sponsor and if one person
is not helping you achieve what
you need, then by all means, look
for someone else to follow in their
recovery footsteps to continue on
your recovery journey.

Continue seeking positivity in recovery
that will brighten your day, give you
hope and lift you up.
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Old 05-12-2015, 09:26 AM
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I've had 3 sponsors and none of them talked about their lives. All three were interested in mine. I discovered the method to their madness was to do a check on how I was doing with life. In all cases the vast majority of the conversation centered on alcoholism, the steps, or tools to stay sober
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Old 05-12-2015, 09:30 AM
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Thanks everyone for your input. I'm going to set some boundaries with her now that some time has passed. In the beginning I was trying to do every thing "right" and now I realize "right" is not necessarily everything she commands. I have a lot of respect and admiration for her years of sobriety and the wisdom she has to offer, I think we just need to iron out a few things. Hopefully we can. If not, I'll have to move on and find a new sponsor.
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Old 05-12-2015, 09:42 AM
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I dropped out of a group therapy weekly meeting once because nearly every meeting was taken up by one person talking about how her friend was becoming suicidal because she and her friend were competing for the same boyfriend. When I raised the issue of whether more time might be spent on hearing from others in the group I was severely criticized and the group leader, a psychiatrist, said that if I pursued that issue they could do nothing to help me. So I discontinued with the group.
Your concern is with your sponsor, not with whoever happens to be chairing the meeting. As has been said, if things are not going well between you and your sponsor consider getting another sponsor. Good luck.

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