3 days sober...again.... Need advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 29
3 days sober...again.... Need advice
went 12 days, then relasped. my friend owns a bar. he knows iam a alcoholic. but he calls and texs me almost daily to come by. when i say no, he says just come by and drink water.( i think he knows eventually i will drink), he also asks me to call the other regulars for him sometimes. he says he is a good friend. but in last 15 months have probably spent between 8-10 grand there. he also knows that i keep other regulars there also. he is struggling with his bar. without me and the regulars, he would probably have closed by now. some of my friends say he is just using me for the money, and is not a true friend.
not sure it is normal for bar owners to call the regulars almost daily to come drink. any thoughts on how to handle this. thanx
not sure it is normal for bar owners to call the regulars almost daily to come drink. any thoughts on how to handle this. thanx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 132
That's a shame that your friend is pressuring you to come hang out at his bar knowing your problems with alcohol. I think you really need to tell him the next time he contacts you that you simply cannot be around alcohol right now and you'd be happy to grab coffee or something when he is not working. Whether he is using you or not, he is not being a true friend if he is compromising your sobriety intentionally. You need to be honest with him and if he is still trying to convince you to just drink water at the bar (yeah right) then you may need to just keep some distance from him for a while. Unfortunately part of getting sober is sometimes avoiding places AND people that are triggers. I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time with that, but you are the most important thing in your life, not your friend and certainly not his bar.
Pressure makes diamonds
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 521
I would stop accepting his calls. He knows you are struggling with it but is dangling the carrot in front of you. That is not a friend. Your money is better spent on vitamins and healthy food or sitting in your bank account. Think of yourself and your sobriety- first- it's not your fault if his business fails without you or the people you bring in, he will have to figure it out.
Continuing this relationship will only sabotage your sobriety.
Continuing this relationship will only sabotage your sobriety.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I'm very glad to read ya seeing the danger of this behavior. It reads like a very toxic person for ya to have in your life.
Here's what I'm thinking:
you have the ability to control your actions. You have the ability to tell him no.
In continueing the behavior- showing up to the bar to just drink water is very dangerous, which reads like ya know. Also, in allowing him to continue the behavior, you are enabling him to not face his problems.
Also seems that spending 8-10 grand in the last 15 months has me thinkin you've been supporting some of the patrons behavior as well as the owners.
One thing I learned that all them poeple I used to call my friend weren't really friends. True friend don't try to get me to act in any way to hurt me or my sobriety.
I had to remove wet faces and wet places from my life when I got sober if I wanted to stay sober. Doing so not only has helped me maintain sobriety, it has helped me find new friends. True ones that don't try to get me to do anything to jeopardize my sobriety.
No, it's not normal for a bar owner to call regulars daily. Theres a serious problem there, one I hope ya remove from your life. I think it's time for ya to stand up for you and your recovery and tell bar owner, in one way or another, you won't allow his behavior in your life any more and go no contact.
Here's what I'm thinking:
you have the ability to control your actions. You have the ability to tell him no.
In continueing the behavior- showing up to the bar to just drink water is very dangerous, which reads like ya know. Also, in allowing him to continue the behavior, you are enabling him to not face his problems.
Also seems that spending 8-10 grand in the last 15 months has me thinkin you've been supporting some of the patrons behavior as well as the owners.
One thing I learned that all them poeple I used to call my friend weren't really friends. True friend don't try to get me to act in any way to hurt me or my sobriety.
I had to remove wet faces and wet places from my life when I got sober if I wanted to stay sober. Doing so not only has helped me maintain sobriety, it has helped me find new friends. True ones that don't try to get me to do anything to jeopardize my sobriety.
No, it's not normal for a bar owner to call regulars daily. Theres a serious problem there, one I hope ya remove from your life. I think it's time for ya to stand up for you and your recovery and tell bar owner, in one way or another, you won't allow his behavior in your life any more and go no contact.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Once I stopped hanging around the bar where I was a regular, I never heard from those folks. Ever. Kind of hurt to think those people I thought were my friends, weren't.
As others have pointed out, it's not your job to support this bar and keep it open. Ignore the calls and texts. Because truly, if you stop going the owner will just find some other regular to part with their hard earned money. Sadly, there's always another regular to keep your vacated bar stool warm.
As others have pointed out, it's not your job to support this bar and keep it open. Ignore the calls and texts. Because truly, if you stop going the owner will just find some other regular to part with their hard earned money. Sadly, there's always another regular to keep your vacated bar stool warm.
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