Nowsthetime

It was only a few... Didn't get wasted just a little buzzed. I didn't have my daughter because she was with grandparents. I was with my hubby meeting his sister's new boyfriend. The sis asked me "are you still not drinking?" And I said "I'll have one for this special occasion"... So stupid because they wouldn't have pressured me...

I must admit, my AV had been hanging out quite a bit and I didn't come here and post. I rationalized that having a couple wouldn't be so bad. Plus I knew that it would be an early night.

I woke up fine, no hangover, but I sti feel guilty. Now I can't say I have over a year sober. I told my husband that I wasn't planning on starting again and that I didn't feel that having a couple of drinks when we were out without my daughter for the weekend would be so bad. (I know better.)

I really don't know why I said yes. Arghh. I am not opening this door again.

So do I start my count over? Is that considered a relapse?

I'm beating myself up about it... What a fool. After all I have learned...

I'm embarrased to post, but if I don't I will be lying to myself.

least

If I deliberately drink, I consider that a relapse and start over again at day one. Honesty is key.

ScottFromWI

I think it's important that you realize it was a mistake and also realize that there are things you COULD have done that you didn't do. That's what I'd focus on moving forward...how can you seek the help you need before you decide to drink? Were you lax on your daily work on sobriety ( perhaps you weren't doing daily work? )

Either way, learn the lesson and make the necessary changes and move forward. Whether you decided to "start over" counting days or not is really up to you, there is no hard and fast rule. You had a long period of sobriety and a short period of drinking...work on making the next period of sobriety even longer.

Soberwolf

Hi Nows i just went & read through some of your posts/threads

I know in your heart you identify as being alcoholic (so do i) so in that instance im worried you have used the word moderate

I remember your friend/s trying to convince you your not & your husband wont engage in conversation about certain things

This for me isnt about slip/relapse this is more i get that ppl even your closest are not supportive and im really sorry for that

Best thing is to be honest to yourself dont beat yourself too much as that isnt going to help

Do you go Aa, Smart or lifering mtns ?

greens

Have you checked out HAMS?

FreeOwl

I've got news for you: 'moderating' for a night - or even a few weeks - isn't moderating.

It's playing games with a loaded gun to your head

VirginiaWoof

I had 6 weeks sober and thought I would be ok to have just the one.

2 months later I am struggling big time. The most I've managed since has been two days in a row,

I am currently having a BIG struggle with my will power. A little whisper in my ear is telling me it would be ok to go to the shop and get a single serving bottle of wine. A smaller voice is reminding me that the shops sell them for £1.99 each or £3.50 for two so it makes economical sense to buy 2. But then I can get a full bottle for £4.99. That smaller voice is trying to warn me not to go down that path and to have another cup of tea.

The struggle is nearly as bad as the guilt when I do drink.

Try and draw a line under the weekend and get back to nothing at all. xx

Nowsthetime

Arghhhh.

I used moderated because I was really careful to just have a couple but that's definitely not a game I want to play. I hadn't been coming here as much as I did. Since my hubby found out I stepped into the posting side I am afraid that he is going to read my posts. I really don't have support from family and friends but I can't use that as an excuse. This is up to me.

Arghhh!

biminiblue

Well, the posts you already made are something you can't do anything about.

If you are that worried about it, once again I suggest that you change your username and be careful what you write.

If this site helps you, plug back in.

What are you worried about, specifically, in regards to your husband reading your posts? If you've been honest with him and with your posts, the truth isn't something of which you need to be ashamed.

TheCrimsonKing

This is a mental story about that women who wrote a book on moderation management and set up moderation groups

Addiction, Drunk Driving, and Suicide: The Struggles of Audrey Conn, Founder of ?Moderation Management? - The Daily Beast

Exclusive: New Details Emerge About Audrey Kishline's Death | The Fix

Nowsthetime

I don't plan to try to moderate. I want complete abstinence and that is what I'm going for. I let my guard down and it got me.

I have shared here about how I was raped and eventhough I have told my husband I don't want him to read any details or any info about it. He also doesn't take my alcoholism seriously so I am afraid that he will poke fun at the posts I write to encourage people. I also have vented about him and my family in law. I would hate to change my user name...

LBrain

I recall during the times when I was averaging 6-8 beers a night and 12-24 on days off that I would occasionally moderate. There were times I only had a couple. So I suppose I was able to moderate too.

To say you moderated on a particular day is seriously kidding yourself.

Soberwolf

Your here your posting nows and we'l support you all the way

Do you go to any type of mtns ?

Nowsthetime

I haven't been to meetings. I can't do AA. I wasn't coming here as much as I need to, maybe that was it... I will get diligent again. It really isn't worth it. Eventhough I didn't have a hangover I didn't feel great as I usually do. I will not get pressure from anybody, since they all know I quit. This was all me, all me and my AV...

MarathonMan

nowsthetime - I couldn't do AA till I did....it's amazing what you can do if you feel the need.

If I were you I'd change you're username and then you don't have to worry about your husband reading.

While you did have a relapse and won't get you're year sober don't take it to heart and try to keep the counting days thing in perspective. If you're like me you're quitting drinking to save you're life so the fact you won't get a year or have to start at day 1 is pretty trivial. You will not have done any damage to your body with your moderation experiment so climb back up on the horse and let the days, weeks and months take care of themselves. After 2 years sober one of the main things that has dented my confidence and kept me away from sobriety was how long it would take me to get back to my two years.....so i kept on drinking., don't make that mistake, it's a silly one I've finally realised.

Mountainmanbob

Been there done that.
Yes, that's what they call relapse.
Best to come clean with self
and start new recount.

We don't want to fool ourselves
do we ?

MM

mecanix

I think if it were me i'd want to sus out where my thinking went awry as to think that drinking was an option .

cheers , m

newpage119

I don't do AA either, and not sure I will ever do a FTF meeting ...
BUT there is a site online that has video meetings called intherooms.


Tuesday nights are Tommy Rosen's Recovery 2.0 night, and HE is awesome. Worth a try!

http://media.intherooms.com/images/u...1362183514.png

ccam1973

That's totally how I felt during my last relapse. For some reason, I knew it was coming and I made the conscience decision to take that first drink. I also noticed that I was spending less and less time here on SR. We learn from our past mistakes...

This time around, I haven't left any opening for my AV to enter. Not drinking ever again and am so happy that anxiety has left! Not to say it is not a daily struggle, but it is getting easier and easier as long as I don't let my guard down.

Stay strong, don't beat yourself up and get back to where you want to be. By the way, I keep two calendars; one of my consecutive days and the other is a combination of the days before my last relapse. That helps remind me that I have more than must the consecutive days sober and also how easy it was for me to slip back into those terrible habits...

Great job coming right back here and posting.

lilyrosemary

My relapse began about a year and a half before i even took the first drink (i realized AFTER) as i began entertaining the thought of moderating. when i actually did start drinking/using again, i used the word "moderate" many many times in my journal. SO proud of myself for moderating. well, you can guess how that all ended, right? for me, moderating is just another form of obsessing. Best wishes to you.