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Sooo, I'm in a funk

Old 05-10-2015, 08:01 PM
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Sooo, I'm in a funk

Well I have 45 days today and although the first month was great, it seems like the novelty is wearing off and I'm starting to get resentful that it's getting warm outside and several groups of friends are getting together with major drinking involved. I know I wouldn't drink ( I'm on Antabuse), but I'm either dreading going to these events or finding myself backing out at the last minute and it makes me feel like I'm missing out. One bday party I decided to skip because we always end up splitting the check and I don't want to pay for everyone's wine (last year I pulled the host aside and gave her my portion and it turned into a big deal). Another is an annual rental of a party bus which will be an all day wine and beer tour, and another was a Cinco de Mayo Margarita get together.

I guess I'm in a funk because although the bad effects of drinking have stopped, I'm not seeing enough positive from it yet to convince myself that it's worth giving up the social activities and "fun". The last time two times I went out with drinking friends I had to turn down drinks about 30 times each night. I told everyone I was on medication and that I could die if I drank, but people weren't getting it and quite frankly it was really annoying.

Anyone else go through something similar?
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:13 PM
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I'm finding that I spend time alone now. I don't have nearly the time sober as you. Congrats. But I've made a commitment to myself that if my "friends" don't understand my soberity Comes first then I will not hang out with them. That's just me though and that's how important my soberity is to myself. If everyone is going to end up drunk what really is the point in going? Stay strong. You got this.
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Hope3333 View Post
Well I have 45 days today and although the first month was great, it seems like the novelty is wearing off and I'm starting to get resentful that it's getting warm outside and several groups of friends are getting together with major drinking involved. I know I wouldn't drink ( I'm on Antabuse), but I'm either dreading going to these events or finding myself backing out at the last minute and it makes me feel like I'm missing out. One bday party I decided to skip because we always end up splitting the check and I don't want to pay for everyone's wine (last year I pulled the host aside and gave her my portion and it turned into a big deal). Another is an annual rental of a party bus which will be an all day wine and beer tour, and another was a Cinco de Mayo Margarita get together.

I guess I'm in a funk because although the bad effects of drinking have stopped, I'm not seeing enough positive from it yet to convince myself that it's worth giving up the social activities and "fun". The last time two times I went out with drinking friends I had to turn down drinks about 30 times each night. I told everyone I was on medication and that I could die if I drank, but people weren't getting it and quite frankly it was really annoying.

Anyone else go through something similar?
Hope3333 asks>>>Anyone else go through something similar?

Well sort of, I owned and ran a saloon, and my customers wondered why I didn't drink. I told them I'm allergic to alcohol, that I breakout, I break out in handcuffs ;-)

If one is sober they can do anything in life and not have the temptation to drink. Fear and discomfort around booze and / or those that drink is abstinence, not sobriety.

Discomfort when one is newly abstinent is understandable, but it can get better. Boredom is sometimes undiagnosed depression when one is newly abstinent, it was for me.
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:31 PM
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I had to dump ALL of the people I thought were my "friends" because as it turned out they were only drinking buddies. People who really cared about me never offered me alcohol once I got sober for good. Until I deleted all those numbers off my phone and Unfriended fake Facebook "friends" and did a 180 on hanging out with people who drink at places where alcohol was being served it was just a few weeks sober at a time before another relapse. I've got 13 months now. It was the only way for me to protect my sobriety because my life and my freedom and my sanity depended on me staying sober. If I did not ditch the people, places, and things I would have died an accidental death, killed myself, or ended up in jail.

It took at least 6 months for me to feel normal again, everyone's recovery is different.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:40 PM
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If it helps, you're definitely on the right track Hope3333.
My life is better than it's ever been at any other time of my adult life.

we gave years to our drinking - keep the faith and give a few months to not drinking - you won't regret it

D
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Old 05-11-2015, 01:42 AM
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You are doing great and congratulations on your sober life!

On a bit of a seperate note, I don't think you're unreasonable at all for not paying for other people's alcohol when you go out. It's a lot more expensive than non-alcoholic drinks!

Anyway, your sobriety is something to be proud of and I'm sorry that many of your friends didn't respect that and kept offering you alcohol repeatedly. I still hang out with a few of my drinking friends but only if it's for a dinner, lunch or some kind of activity so I can eat and not get caught up in the drinking and party scene. I'm early in my sobriety and I wouldn't risk it.

I do want to say that I want to a wedding last year and I was sober and it was actually a lot of fun. There were a lot of very, very drunk people but once I ordered those first couple of soft drinks, kept it with me and kept busy talking to people, going outside for fresh air, dancing and eating, I felt really good about the decision. So keep positive and well done again!
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Old 05-11-2015, 04:04 AM
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"I guess I'm in a funk because although the bad effects of drinking have stopped, I'm not seeing enough positive from it yet to convince myself that it's worth giving up the social activities and "fun"."


Hi.
One positive from not drinking is you won’t be in an alcoholic misery lifestyle and die an horrible alcoholics death.

It depend on the person but we do get much better when we want to be sober and work on it and long term sobriety. Relapses are not nice and most don’t recover from them because alcohol is powerful, baffling, cunning and very progressive, meaning if we drink it gets worse, much more than we could imagine.

BE WELL
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Old 05-11-2015, 06:06 AM
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Welcome Hope
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Old 05-11-2015, 06:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope3333 View Post

I guess I'm in a funk because although the bad effects of drinking have stopped, I'm not seeing enough positive from it yet to convince myself that it's worth giving up the social activities and "fun". The last time two times I went out with drinking friends I had to turn down drinks about 30 times each night. I told everyone I was on medication and that I could die if I drank, but people weren't getting it and quite frankly it was really annoying.
Congrats on the 45 days. One of the aspects I think you're missing, is building a sober lifestyle. Instead of building a sober lifestyle, you seem to be putting yourself back into the same environments when you were drinking, which needs to change.
There must be some reasons why you're getting sober and on antabuse. You need to change your idea of what "fun" is considering you've decided alcohol is a problem. Being sober can be fun too.
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Old 05-11-2015, 06:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope3333 View Post
I'm not seeing enough positive from it yet to convince myself that it's worth giving up the social activities and "fun". The last time two times I went out with drinking friends I had to turn down drinks about 30 times each night. I told everyone I was on medication and that I could die if I drank, but people weren't getting it and quite frankly it was really annoying.
Congratulations on your sober time of 45 days!

Have you done anything to get involved in social activities that don't revolve around alcohol? I think it might help you if you looked into other ways of having fun. Volunteering in your community can be lots of fun, take a course you're interested in, pick up a new hobby, get involved in sports - those kinds of things can be fun and alcohol-free.
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Old 05-11-2015, 10:17 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Hope3333!!
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Old 05-11-2015, 10:33 AM
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I got sober at 23 and this was a huge issue for me! ! Friends would say they supported me and then tried to get me to have "just one drink". And then all those fun sober activities that they agreed to do with me turned into "why can't we just watch a movie instead, I dont want to go hiking."
my therapist got me to join a meet.up group for hikers in my area, now I didn't have an excuse taht it was my friends holding me back. (Lol, but my new excuse was " going to a hiking group means meeting new people and that is terrifying )
anyway, it is really hard at first, yiu have every right to stay home, go see a movie instead , whatever you need to do, but over time it does get easier to say no. And I was surprised that once I removed myself from the bar scene, I met all theSe people taht barely drank, and could basically care less, they Are out there. My therapist told me taht the majority of alcohol is bought by only 10 to 15 percent of the population , which means the other 90 to 85 percent are just normal drinkers.
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Old 05-11-2015, 10:38 AM
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On a side note.....4 years later... a lot of those friends that tried to get me to have " juts one drink " have since phased out of their binge drinking phase and we have reconnected and it has been beautiful. A lot of them were just drinking buddies , but a couple have actually settled down and we see each other and have meaningful conversations. So yes, I did set some bound Aries and took a lot of space, but the friendships that were meant to happen have grown stronger because of my sobriety and my ability to honor myself
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Old 05-11-2015, 10:46 AM
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You also mentioned not wanting to give up the social activities and "fun", yet you then stated how annoying it is to explain to drunk people you don't want to drink .....that doesnt sound like a fun social activity to me.
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