Serenidad

It's so hard to stay sober without face-to-face support. I'm having a really tough time & feel very alone & depressed.

Unfortunately, my only option may be AA meetings. There aren't any other face-to-face programs around. Sometimes I feel like I'm on another planet all by myself. I wish someone would start SR meetings in every city because I really love you guys.

I'm just in a really dark place in my life right now and desperately want to be happy again.

Thanks for letting me whine.

SoberLeigh

(((Serenidad)))). do whatever you feel may help; AA worked well for you before, if I recall.

Wish I could package up some brightness to send to you.

strategery

Serendidad-you always have people here to give you support.
I have only used this place for my recovery and support. SR has chat meetings on Tuesdays and Fridays at 8p ET. I go to these regularly. I hope to see you there.

MIRecovery

I can speak for no one else but without AA I would not be sober today. The last year and a half has had me in a darker place than I knew existed. Without the support of my friends in AA I don't think I could have made it.

I have to remember that nothing is forever and all I can do is the next right today.

Prayers going out to you

Nonsensical

I'm not a 12-stepper, but whenever I want F2F support I go to AA meetings. I take what I need and leave the rest. Sometimes there's just no substitute for sitting in a room full of people who understand the obsession.

JaneLane

Yep, I agree. I attend AA meetings and that level of support can be really helpful if you feel like you need it :-)

Soberwolf

Your right it is hard and the more you get through this the easier it will get

Dont give in go through every tough moment with support from AA & SR, group therapy any option that is available that can help you maintain sobriety....use

With you all the way Serenidad but it will get easier it will keep getting easier & youl start becoming happier because your sober

I know you can do this Serenidad

i love being sober so so much

Iconoclastic

To snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way is whining, BUT, I have my own standard for recovery and whiners are winners in my book. I'd rather be a whiner, which involves reaching out with my FEELINGS, than be dead due to not reaching out.

F2F meetings were important for me, including AA. However, you probably know, but if you don't, AA meetings are not the suggested recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous, the program is the 12 Steps which can be and are taken without attending AA meetings. Besides, the tenets of the Steps (self-examination) are 1000's of years old, so the concept isn't exclusively for alcohol addicts or other addicts.

Due to the Steps being suggested even Step 5 doesn't have to be taken with another human being, as well as the Steps can be taken by those without faith, atheists and agnostics. The fact is the structure of the 12 Steps wouldn't exist e.g., Steps 3 and 11, "God as we understood Him" IF it weren't for the atheist and agnostic AA pioneers.

With that said, after many years of abstinence, I experienced a profound truth about myself. Here's how I discovered this. There was a major blackout where I live, no power, even telephone and this was before cell phones. It was pitch black. I could not find any lighting, a flash light or candles and matches, nothing. So, I was lying down on the coach and for the first time in my life, I realized the truth, that I never learned the art of being alone without some sort of distraction from my feelings. I always used something 'to distract ME from ME.' As uncomfortable as I was with this profound truth, it's was another paradigm shift in my life that enhanced my sobriety by understanding on a deeper level my co-dependency which was a major symptom of my addiction.

Until my experience during the blackout, although intellectually I understood these quotes below from the book Rational Recovery which I read more than once years before, I didn't understand it experientially, which is the ONLY true knowledge.

Chapter 7, I'm Still Here, first paragraph reads ....

"You are ultimately alone in your struggle with your addiction. I hope you will feel alone, so that you will not be distracted from yourself."

Chapter 7 Last paragraph reads....

"It is irrelevant whether I or anyone else cares about you, or cares whether you continue to drink or use drugs. The question is whether you care."

greens

I feel ya serenidad. Meetings have been triggering for me lately but I miss the face to face contact

Serenidad

Some amazing comments here. I really appreciate them! I was out with 2 out of 3 of my kids for lunch today (my husband and other child are out of town) and I looked around and saw so many happy people. Healthy people. People laughing & smiling.

As I was sitting there with my 2 kids I asked myself, "how the hell did you get in this miserable spot in your life? How did you get back here?" The answer is clear...I relapsed and drank again last year after 5.5 years sober.

Alcohol wants to steal everything from me. I decided right there and then that I would go home and write down all the goals I would like to attain by NEXT Mothers Day of 2016. The list is long but most things will take care of themselves if I just stay sober.

I'm gonna have to add face to face meetings back into my support system. I like what some of you said about "taking what I need and leaving the rest". Just being in a room full of people who truly understand is very comforting. I think I will try some NEW meetings though. We have over 600 meetings per week in my city! Lots of drunks in my town! Haha.

Thanks again, I really do appreciate the love. It's been an excruciatingly painful year for me and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I WILL be happy on next Mothers Day 2016 and hopefully sooner....God willing.

JaneLane

You are so self aware and I'm glad that you had a day with your kids and set some goals. I think I will follow suit!

Serenidad

Thanks Jane! Let's both set goals. :-)

ArtFriend

Glad you had a good day Serenidad! I hope I won't be a big bummer if I mention something...but here goes....

Sometimes I have notice that you (and others too) talk about alcohol as an external "thing" that is out to destroy you. You said: "Alcohol wants to steal everything from me." And in the past you have said similar things. I wonder if by externalizing it like that it is doing a disservice to you. Do you know what I mean? Alcohol is just a liquid in a bottle. It has no agenda. It is what YOU assign to it that makes it what you think it is. Therefore, only YOU have the power to take that assignment away. Make sense? Inherently, alcohol is nothing. You give it the power. You have to own that and change it. Meanwhile...alcohol will still be just a liquid in a bottle. Hugs!

AnvilheadII

As I was sitting there with my 2 kids I asked myself, "how the hell did you get in this miserable spot in your life? How did you get back here?" The answer is clear...I relapsed and drank again last year after 5.5 years sober.


there is a lot wrapped up in the above statement. so there you are ON Mother's Day with your children, feeling miserable. and alcohol had nothing to do with it. you look at others, external to you, and see what you want to see - that THEY are all happy healthy and normal and that you are NOT. comparing your insides to other's outsides.

On THIS Mom's Day you had your children WITH you, out and about together. that in and of itself should be a cause for JOY. yet you did not CHOOSE joy.

you didn't get to 5 years and 182 days and THEN decide to pick up. that decision had been brewing for a while. and again, alcohol had nothing to do with it. you were as physically SOBER as one can get. but being sober had lost its lustre, its appeal.

i know that feeling. at 7.5 years sober i made the decision to drink again. after a LOT of thought. because i let my recovery slip from being the Prime Directive. i slowly stopped going to MY meetings (AA) and went instead with my husband to HIS meetings (NA). i walked away from my home group, and failed to put down stakes anywhere else. i was also no longer "happy" in my marriage and felt an ever widening distance from my husband. at the time i was still going out dancing with my gay best friend - so it is no surprise WHERE i was when i took that first drink.

i had set myself up to do just that.

see that is what long term meaningful sobriety it all about.
SETTING OURSELVES FOR SUCCESS. doing WHATEVER it takes. knocking our ego down to size lest we think that WE know better...when what we have proven thru our actions is that when it comes to staying sober we don't know jack squat. and best to look to those who have more time than us, and follow their lead.

here's my suggestion for your year long to do list....one single item:

STAY SOBER. the rest will fall into place.