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View Poll Results: What kind of mom do/did you have?
June Cleaver on "Leave it to Beaver"
1
12.50%
Roseanne
1
12.50%
Marge Simpson
2
25.00%
Bonney Plunkett on "Mom"
0
0%
Skylar White on "Breaking Bad"
4
50.00%
Voters: 8. You may not vote on this poll

What type of Mom do/did you have?

Old 05-10-2015, 07:06 AM
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What type of Mom do/did you have?

In light of Mother's Day, I thought this would be a fun poll.
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:10 AM
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Horrible, abusive my entire childhood & even now. I hate Mother's Day. :-(
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:13 AM
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Sorry Serenidad. (((hugs)))
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:33 AM
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Hi Art i know its mothers day & i mean this with all my kindness but after your recent post of looking at photos etc i think it triggered a relapse

I just dont want to see you upset that it causes that again i mean that so sincerely Art

My mum was my best friend & the only person in the world that i could tell anything to

(((((Artfriend)))))
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:37 AM
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I had a great mom. She wasn't exactly June Cleaver, but she did the best she could after my dad walked out on us when I was about 8 years old. Dad was an alcoholic and left us for a woman who would drink with him. My mom wasn't a drinker.
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Old 05-10-2015, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by soberwolf View Post
Hi Art i know its mothers day & i mean this with all my kindness but after your recent post of looking at photos etc i think it triggered a relapse

I just dont want to see you upset that it causes that again i mean that so sincerely Art

My mum was my best friend & the only person in the world that i could tell anything to

(((((Artfriend)))))
Are you saying you had a relapse Wolfie? I guess I am not clear here. I did not relapse and sorry if you thought I did.
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:09 AM
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Sorry Art my bad i thought you did & it triggered you recently i am very sorry for thinking that i really was only thinking of you my friend i apoligise Art forgive me

Btw i didnt or havnt relapsed

Happy mothers day aswell
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:29 AM
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In some ways she was the "perfect" mom to the outside (always at the class parties etc). She did make time for us and helped us with homework. But she was depressed most of her life and we always worried about her killing herself. She also had a bit of a heavy hand. After years of therapy I've gotten to a spot where I realize she did all she could and I love her
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:57 AM
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My mother started having children at 17 and continued to have children until the doc said no more and insisted and performed a hysterectomy (but left the ovaries) She was a child taking care of children and she never had time for herself. All she did has take care of her 10 / 9 children (one passed away) and her AH. She passed away 6 years ago with ovarian CA. 18 months after my father passed away. I miss her very much. She was one of a kind.

She was one of us 'kids'
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:13 AM
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My mom raised 3 boys basically by herself, as my dad was always out of town working, and myself and my brothers weren't exactly precious angels who were easy to handle. I was actually the good one out of the three, and I wasn't very good either.

She definitely has her faults, but she's an amazing woman, was always there for us, and was / is full of love & life. Love her to no end.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:19 AM
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My mom served as both parents to me because my dad was an alcoholic who was either in prison or with some other woman. She was the rock all of us kids clung to and I could always count on her being there, physically and emotionally. She always kept the house clean, made sure our clothes were clean and gave us a modicum of respect. She took the blows of my father and protected us from his abuse as much as possible. We were extremely poor and had to rely on govt assistance and the church, yet mom made sure we all went to college and beyond.

In my adulthood, my mother was my best friend. I could talk to her about anything and she was very wise and kind. She would call me every so often out of the blue just to tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was. She would also send cards to me that were simply "thinking about you" cards. I could call her day or night for any reason and she was always there and cared. She remained my rock for my entire life and not having her here anymore has left a huge hole in my heart. But I was fortunate to have had her for 54 years.

Happy mother's day mom - love you forever
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:24 AM
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Awww, ((ArtFriend))

Did you do any type of vigil for her today? Maybe buy some incense sticks and candles, and light them in her honour.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:26 AM
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My mum was a heroin addict and an alcoholic, liver failure got her in the end, she abndoned me to care and had 3 more kids adopted who I never got to meet.....when she died i almost cared enough to raise a smile. I took the day off work for the funeral and laid a fnew driveway.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:29 AM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
Awww, ((ArtFriend))

Did you do any type of vigil for her today? Maybe buy some incense sticks and candles, and light them in her honour.
I didn't do any vigil, but I listened to some music that she liked and I also listened to these tapes she made back in 1984. Her brother was terminally ill (lived in another state) so they would send cassette tapes back and forth to one another. Nothing earth shattering... just chatting about this and that. It was good to hear her voice again.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted by MarathonMan View Post
My mum was a heroin addict and an alcoholic, liver failure got her in the end, she abndoned me to care and had 3 more kids adopted who I never got to meet.....when she died i almost cared enough to raise a smile. I took the day off work for the funeral and laid a fnew driveway.
I am very sorry for what you went through MM. I am sure that was very hard for you.
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Old 05-10-2015, 09:54 AM
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My Mom is wonderful and deserves much more than I have put her through.
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Old 05-10-2015, 10:02 AM
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Hi Art

What a great thread I'm sorry that you are hurting reminiscing about your Mom but talking about her is probably a good thing for you. And for a bunch of us here as well.

As for my own Mom... well I don't know about those characters in the poll much, but she was a troubled, sad person. With a very difficult childhood to start with... her parents had 3 kids and gave all of them away to three different foster families when they were little. Their father was an alcoholic and their mother was very sickly, based on the little I heard, both physically and mentally. I never met any of these grandparents. My mom was always very shy and reserved throughout her life, no one really knew much about her, and most of what I know now is info my dad gave me when I was already an adult and no longer living with them. I think my mom suffered with depression in her whole life, but no one (including herself) really recognized this as such, so never got any help. She also had lots of physical health issues. Had to take a lot of prescription meds as far as I remember, and she abused some of them. Because of her own history, I think she desperately craved love and belonging... but sadly, I don't think she had ever found it even in her family with my dad and myself. I know that she wanted me very much though and struggled a lot with keeping a pregnancy, which was only successful after 16 years of trying (also after a new baby who died, who would have been my sister). This is why I'm an only child.

I never really understood her when I was a kid and we never had much of a relationship, although I know it full well this was in part my fault and failure to get through to her -- something I would do completely differently now had I been given a chance. Sadly, she also had very dyfunctional, and actually dangerous ways of expressing her love and nurturing: mostly by feeding us -- the more the better. This led to some serious problems in my own life, but I'm not getting into that now. It took me a long time and processing to finally come to true understanding and peace with her, and all that happened after her passing, unfortunately.

What was good though for her in her older years though is that she managed to find company and make friends with a few women her age and with similar personalities, through her Church community. I met a few of these women for the first time at her funeral...

The other thing I'm happy about now is that I've managed to mentally transform our history and my perception of her very significantly, in a way that seems to be lasting (as I said, mostly after her death), such that I do not carry any resentment or regret anymore. Sometimes I feel it would be so nice to meet her again now, the "her" she was when I left the country, let her know I see her and love her now, have some nostalgic moments and open myself up to her so that she would also understand who I am... I don't often have such thoughts, and when I do, at this point they are rather healing for me. When I visit my father now, we usually take a couple hours to go to her grave and then light a candle for her in the evening. Again, I find solace in these things now.

I have read your other posts about your mom also... it's wonderful the relationship the two of you had, something very precious that, I think, can affect us for a lifetime. It's inevitable that love hurts... I have something somewhat similar with my father (who is alive).

Thanks for this thread, Art, I really enjoyed sharing. I wish you happy bittersweet memories for this Mother's Day and every one!
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Old 05-10-2015, 10:06 AM
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I apologized to my Mother on her death bed for being such a problem sometimes, even though she was barely lucid she said she always loved me and not to worry. She even asked me if it was alright if she "left", if I was okay. Unconditional love for sure. 12 years ago, today and many days I miss her terribly.
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Old 05-10-2015, 10:16 AM
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Thank you for sharing Haennie. You always post great stuff. I wish you could have gotten to know your mother in the way that you wanted. I am glad that you are able to reframe the way you understand her to be. You have found solace in memories and talking with your dad and that is good.
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