back again
 

thought i had everything under control and here i am again. Thought I could handle one or two drinks, which i did for a week or two.. Then my fiance and I went out last night and it all went to hell. We were having fun and I asked him if it was ok that I got drunk, because he was getting drunk too. He said yes. And we were having fun.. Fast forward to this morning.. I wake up alone in my bed.. Go downstairs to see him.. vaguely remember the fight, but not really..He's extremely angry with me. I don't remember any of what happened, but he's mad at me. Calls me a drunk, tells me I have a problem. We knew that already, didn't we?? I apologize over and over and over again.. Pushes me away.. Tells me he might not be able to forgive me. But I have no idea what happened. Yes, Im upset by what happened, but I view it as a relapse. I'm ready to get back on track. I don't want this to be a habit again.. I slipped. But, he doesn't see it that way. He doesn't want to talk because he wants to sleep his hangover off too. Yes, I'm upset with myself, but I'm ready to fix it again. Why can't he forgive me? Why can't he meet my flaws with compassion? I feel so alone and so sad. I'm trying. I have a problem and I've been working so hard to fix it. One slip and he forgets all that I've done. I'm sad and defeated. He seems so not interested in me when I'm sober. Doesn't praise me changes with any enthusiasm, but meets my failures with overwhelming enthusiasm. What do I do? How do I not feel alone all the time??

My best suggestion would be to sit down with a clear head, and write him an e-mail expressing exactly how you feel, even if you're in the same house at the time. Being able to get your thoughts across in that way is sometimes extremely beneficial for both people in the relationship.

Welcome back strange angel. You might just view this a "slip" but in reality it's a pretty clear sign of a much larger problem. And apparently you haven't fully accepted the problem if you thought it would be ok to "have a few".

Unfortunately there is nothing you can say that will undo your actions last night. By picking up that first drink you basically accepted responsibility for everything that happened afterwards, even if you don't remenber it. And it's not your fiancées fault for saying it was OK to drink....you made the choice.

What you CAN do however is accept your alcohlism and committ 100 percent to not drinking right now. And develop a plan to follow every day than will help you stay sober. We can help you with that, and over time your actions by staying sober will speak volumes.

Obviously it is part of a much bigger problem. Obviously I can't take back what I did, even if I don't remember it. Obviously I need to be sober now. I never said I didn't fully take responsibility for what I did. I do, but I would like my faults to be met with compassion from those around me, just like I do for them. I take care of children and those in my life all day long. For once, I would like someone to take care of me with out judging me or telling me that I'm wrong and that I need to apologize and be better. I'm a pretty damn good person who has a problem that I've worked SO HARD to fix. A slip is a slip. I can't be perfect all the time. No one is. And I love my fiance and so many others for their problems. I would like to be recognized for all I do, and to be treated equally. I would like people to not focus on my negatives but my positives. It's depressing and frustrating that I just get sh*t on by those around me. WHAT MORE DO THEY WANT

I think waiting till he feels better then talking to him about the fact that you feel unappreciated might be a good idea. The thing is, you have to protect your sobriety and having just a couple of drinks clearly isn't an option.

A relapse is a scary thing for you and the people that care about you. It might be taken out as anger, but I have no doubt that it's a combination of love and fear for you too.

My family didn't praise me at all when I stopped drinking and started recovering. Kind words from them would have been welcome, but I had no right to expect that after all the mistakes I'd made.

You can't control whether or not your fiancé will forgive you. I hope that he does, but the best you can do now is to figure out why you decided it was okay to drink last night and make changes so that it doesn't happen again. Maybe it would help you to avoid places and people where alcohol was involved, at least until you felt stronger in your recovery.

Ugh. You made my heart sink when I read this. It's such a familiar feeling. I'm so sorry you chose to get drunk. But what a great lesson you have been taught. You simply can not drink. I truly hope this resolves for you, and you find your sober footing again.

Starting over and being better seems impossible. All I'm going to do is screw up again. I feel absolutely lost and devastated. I just don't want to go on any longer if I have to live my life this way

Welcome back Angel!! :)

It may look insurmountable now - it did to me too.

But the fact is the root of all your problems is your drinking strangeangel - if you accept that and work on it I guarantee you that eventually all the other parts of your life will start to fall into place :)

D