its 6:45am and i want to drink....
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Good job coming here Jeff and talking it out. I hope you are safe right now. I see the 2 things I was always afraid of when I first quit. You had the opportunity to drink and you had the access to it. I eliminated all access as much as I could. I don't think you should keep alcohol anywhere were you can easily get at it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Thomas, DON'T DO IT!!
I was the spouse of an A, not anymore, because he has made so many bad choices. You can do this, you are smart enough now, to reach out for help. Before you had no support. You have these amazing people to walk you through it. (this to shall pass)
It's Mothers Day!! Make it an amazing day for your spouse (or family), they deserve it (and so do you)!!
Good luck my friend!!
I was the spouse of an A, not anymore, because he has made so many bad choices. You can do this, you are smart enough now, to reach out for help. Before you had no support. You have these amazing people to walk you through it. (this to shall pass)
It's Mothers Day!! Make it an amazing day for your spouse (or family), they deserve it (and so do you)!!
Good luck my friend!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Originally Posted by thomas11 
Why in the hell is my av calling on me at this time of the day/morning. Please I want it to stop.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Chapter 3
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
MORE ABOUT ALCOHOLISM
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
From a previous thread:
Some thoughts...Without criticizing or making accusations. Given your current state, it may help to think about what may be going on from another perspective. I'm on intimate terms with alcoholic thinking, as are many others here, and I'm motivated to share with you what I know.
The timing of your intense cravings was no accident. It's clear that you're already anticipating your wife's being away within the context of being uncertain of whether or not you'll drink during that time, and you may not be able to wait another ten days to start. Uncertainty has its cost, particularly when picking up the drink has been our go-to solution when we're unsure of ourselves.
"Getting away with" drinking seems to be a large part of your MO. When no one's around, when your wife's asleep...What's missing from your current plan to stay sober? And what plans have you made to stay sober while your wife's away? It's a good thing that you reached out on SR before you drank, but many people have done the same with devastating results, a kind of setting up their relapse by issuing a public warning in advance...Code for something along the lines of, "See? I told you I was going to drink!"
You want to drink. You made this clear in your thread. Call it the AV or anything else that makes sense to you but, ultimately, it's you, me and anyone else who picks up the drink who is/are responsible for what we do. Claiming that "The AV was too strong" or that "I'm too weak/not ready/caved in" or any other rationalization is not enough. If I acted on every destructive impulse I've had, I'd likely be dead or in prison. Alternatively, if I surrendered to the idea that "I'm too weak" or "not ready" to do the things that give my life meaning, if I ran away from life's challenges out of fear, I'd be a miserable mess of a human being with nothing to show for the time I've spent on this planet.
Your cravings have apparently passed. There is no better time to start building a plan that will help keep you safe for the rest of today and down the line.
My wife is leaving to California for 10 days on the 20th of this month. I have to stay home and run my business. The last time she left me alone, was 2 winters ago and I tried my hardest to kill myself with alcohol. It was horrible and it changed my life. I do not want to repeat that. But left alone to my own vices I am not sure I can 100% guarantee I will be ok. I can say with 90% confidence I should be fine. But that's not 100. I will likely be "noisy" on this site during those 10 days. I have to. I cannot have another episode like I did in winter of 2013.
The timing of your intense cravings was no accident. It's clear that you're already anticipating your wife's being away within the context of being uncertain of whether or not you'll drink during that time, and you may not be able to wait another ten days to start. Uncertainty has its cost, particularly when picking up the drink has been our go-to solution when we're unsure of ourselves.
"Getting away with" drinking seems to be a large part of your MO. When no one's around, when your wife's asleep...What's missing from your current plan to stay sober? And what plans have you made to stay sober while your wife's away? It's a good thing that you reached out on SR before you drank, but many people have done the same with devastating results, a kind of setting up their relapse by issuing a public warning in advance...Code for something along the lines of, "See? I told you I was going to drink!"
You want to drink. You made this clear in your thread. Call it the AV or anything else that makes sense to you but, ultimately, it's you, me and anyone else who picks up the drink who is/are responsible for what we do. Claiming that "The AV was too strong" or that "I'm too weak/not ready/caved in" or any other rationalization is not enough. If I acted on every destructive impulse I've had, I'd likely be dead or in prison. Alternatively, if I surrendered to the idea that "I'm too weak" or "not ready" to do the things that give my life meaning, if I ran away from life's challenges out of fear, I'd be a miserable mess of a human being with nothing to show for the time I've spent on this planet.
Your cravings have apparently passed. There is no better time to start building a plan that will help keep you safe for the rest of today and down the line.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hang in there, for me feelings would subside, I just had to distract myself long enough for things to pass.
I had to realise that these thoughts were fine to have, they are simply thoughts, and it was my addiction that was stirring things up, but we still have a decision whether or not to act on them, thoughts on their own don't cause a hangover in the morning, so they are pretty harmless if we ride them out.
In time addiction's grip weakens and things get easier, we just have to push through to that time!!
I had to realise that these thoughts were fine to have, they are simply thoughts, and it was my addiction that was stirring things up, but we still have a decision whether or not to act on them, thoughts on their own don't cause a hangover in the morning, so they are pretty harmless if we ride them out.
In time addiction's grip weakens and things get easier, we just have to push through to that time!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by FLCamper
Sounds like you go through that OK. Good for you.
Well, the good news is that the liquor store is closed. where would you have gotten the alcohol anyway?
Well, the good news is that the liquor store is closed. where would you have gotten the alcohol anyway?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Endgame, your post hit me like a ton of bricks. You are correct. I have a couples challenges/tests headed my way, I need to pass them with flying colors. If I drink myself into the abyss, I will end up dead or in the hospital. I do not want that at all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Incontrol15
Everyone has a different way of dealing with a strong AV. Keep in mind it's strong because you fed it for so long.
Give strength to your inner voice and allow it to speak. Some tactics that really do work:
Imagine yourself as a mediator between your AV and your REAL inner voice. Your AV is being a total jerk and and crybaby. It's not giving your true inner voice a chance to speak.
Tell them both that you will give each a chance to express their opinions and that you'll write them down. Grab a pen and paper. Then say "ok AV, since you have no patience, concern for others, and act like a cry baby when you don't get your way, I'm going to let you go first".
Ask your AV to tell you all the reasons you should be a drunk. As many as it possibly can. Let it talk itself out. When its done, ask it "are you sure? that's it?" Force it to come up with one more reason.
Ask your inner voice to tell you all the reasons you want to live a sober life. (Not should, not need to, not have to, but WANT TO). As many as it possibly can. No reason is too small. Everything. When done, ask it "are you sure that's it?" Force it to come up with a few more reasons.
Now...as the mediator, review each list. Which one is riddled with lies and deceit? Which won has some short term benefits and which one has long term benefits. Which one seems more concerned about YOU and YOUR wellbeing? which one is RIGHT and which one is wrong?
Give strength to your inner voice and allow it to speak. Some tactics that really do work:
Imagine yourself as a mediator between your AV and your REAL inner voice. Your AV is being a total jerk and and crybaby. It's not giving your true inner voice a chance to speak.
Tell them both that you will give each a chance to express their opinions and that you'll write them down. Grab a pen and paper. Then say "ok AV, since you have no patience, concern for others, and act like a cry baby when you don't get your way, I'm going to let you go first".
Ask your AV to tell you all the reasons you should be a drunk. As many as it possibly can. Let it talk itself out. When its done, ask it "are you sure? that's it?" Force it to come up with one more reason.
Ask your inner voice to tell you all the reasons you want to live a sober life. (Not should, not need to, not have to, but WANT TO). As many as it possibly can. No reason is too small. Everything. When done, ask it "are you sure that's it?" Force it to come up with a few more reasons.
Now...as the mediator, review each list. Which one is riddled with lies and deceit? Which won has some short term benefits and which one has long term benefits. Which one seems more concerned about YOU and YOUR wellbeing? which one is RIGHT and which one is wrong?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
I have not had any alcohol on a sunday in 2 years, and this morning I almost blew it. All of you crazy cats who were up with me early this morning, I want to say thank you. It saved me. I have a big week ahead of me, and then of course on the 20th, my wife will be leaving me to visit family. Need to remain sober.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a Plan Make a PlanMake a Plan Make a Plan...
Make a Plan, Jeff - seriously
Make a Plan, Jeff - seriously
D
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I still remember Felix's song and it definitely is applicable to sobriety.
Felix the Cat The Wondeful Wonderful Cat Whenever he gets in a fix he reaches into his bag of trix
I have found the more tricks we have the higher the likelihood we will stay sober
Felix the Cat The Wondeful Wonderful Cat Whenever he gets in a fix he reaches into his bag of trix
I have found the more tricks we have the higher the likelihood we will stay sober
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by thomas11
"Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death."
This is what scares the hell out of me.
This is what scares the hell out of me.
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