chiquen81

I guess it's more of a mental state of no longer fighting and thinking you can control something you have no control over?

least

Yes.


I took action by making up my mind that I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, and then stuck with it.

doggonecarl

Exactly.

I apply a zen perspective. The mighty oak breaks before a strong wind, the reed bends. I found resisting alcohol with all my might futile. I always broke. A more passive stance, acceptance that I can't drink, surrender without resentment, has kept me sober.

Soberwolf

Accepting the fact i cant drink safely or responsibly is key imo

For me there is no control EVER the sooner i realised that my life started to improve

surrendering to that fact helped massively who was i fighting anyway myself ?

Trust me do you think id stay sober if i wasnt getting the best deal ?

Im 32 and sobriety has shown me a path to happiness i didnt ever think this was possible yet here i am

You can do this

instant

I think it is also maintaining a place of reflection within ourselves rather than existing in a constant reactionary state.

I also used to think about it as taking whatever comes and not attempting to run from what ever discomfort came with that.

freshstart57

I never did worry about the whole control over drinking thing while drinking, I just drank and drank. When I decided to quit drinking, I still didn't worry about the controlling the amount I drank because it was zero. Absolutely zero, and absolute control.

I didn't accept I couldn't drink, because I had decades of experience that proved that wrong. Instead, I made the conscious decision to never drink again, an active and considered choice. I did accept that I would get urges to drink from time to time, but they were empty thoughts now.

So, to me, I never did surrender. I did take action, however.

LexieCat

Yup, your definition is pretty good. I hear people (mostly those who relapse over and over) talk about how they are going to FIGHT this thing. It isn't a "fight"--alcohol will kick my butt any time I get into the ring with it.

Walking away from the "fight" has helped keep me happily sober almost seven years. There's more to sobriety than that, of course, but it's a big part of it for me. It's the key to not feeling like life is unfair, to not feeling resentment over the fact that I can't drink.

esinger

I think you do have control. The thing is it's easier not to make a choice. The fear of living life without the comfort of being intoxicated is sort of like the fear of going out in public naked. You tend just not to do it.
My choice came from a series of life events that didn't leave me much of one. Feel pretty stupid about it actually. Should have made it decades ago. Sobriety is much less painful.

Kafkaesque

I completely agree with Least said. I think it's less of 'surrendering' though and more of committing, in my opinion. I'm still figuring out how to truly change my mindset but I think reminding myself that alcohol is not and will not be a part of my life every single day is helping to get me there. Every day the idea of staying sober is a little easier than the day before.

Anna

Yes, it doesn't have to be a fight. It's acceptance.

Cissy

Good thread.

MelindaFlowers

I accepted that I had taken all I could get from alcohol. Drinking had truly become torture in the end (daily withdrawals) and all enjoyment was gone. This made stopping rather easy in some ways. But ONLY when drinking became harder than not drinking. So I guess what I'm saying is sobriety became more appealing than drinking. Sobriety became EASIER than drinking. I never thought that day would come, but holy Moses, when it did I KNEW it. June 27, 2014. I surrendered.

Imagine a long flight of stairs next to an escalator. Sobriety became the escalator.

Gottalife

For me it was like a change in emphasis. Beaten to my knees with the booze, I finally realised that was a fight I could not win. It got down to two choices, keep fighting and die in the process, or live on a spiritual basis.

All my non spiritual methods had failed so there was no hope in that area, and there was no chance of me bring it all under control. So I gave up trying, and shifted my efforts to trying to develop this spiritual life about which I had no idea.

Ist step, I am powerless in my own right, the rest of the action was about trying to connect with a power that could solve my problem. It wasn't about not drinking one day at a time, it was about doing what is necessary to connect with that power.

Of course I never thought it would work for me and I didn't even take a note of the date I stopped. Almost out of the blue, my sponsor called and told me I had been sober for three months, way more than I ever thought possible. All the time I had been chasing this higher power concept, it hadn't occurred to me to drink. By three months the desire was completely gone, and something much more worthwhile had taken its place.

Once again, it wasn't three months of not drinking one day at a time, it was three months of pursuing contact with a higher power ( the spiritual solutions) through the steps. I wasn't thinking about drinking or not drinking, I was thinking about the God I didn't understand.

Kevin78

This for me as well.

I tried every trick in the book to try controlling my drinking. It's impossible to control the uncontrollable.


Too many controls typed there. lol

JaneLane

I really like this thread, great topic and such interesting points of view!

I experienced a shift in perspective when I gave up grappling with the addiction. I realised the fight continued the entire time I kept the idea of moderation in the back of my mind. Once I accepted that it wasn't for me, I felt like not only was sobriety an option, but I genuinely WANTED it. I hadn't thought like that before :-)

IOAA2

Hi
For me surrendering was my way of admitting I needed help because my undisciplined way of stopping was a total failure. I’d been going to AA for awhile and didn’t believe the speakers about how they drank and the way they don’t drink one day at a time. “I wasn’t that bad.” OMG how sick we are while drinking and believe we have it together!

I wasn’t nor am I today a religious person tho always had a belief in a Higher Power, not myself. One day after many days of feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired I did get on my knees and asked my Higher Power to help keep me from drinking. At that moment I became teachable and was the last day I drank, many years ago.

The journey includes work and changes but is so rewarding with so much joy and satisfaction over the years.

BE WELL

TENtx

There is clearly no one size fits all solution. No magic bullet.

I think the "surrender" is generally the admission that you can't moderate, and you need another plan that works for you.

I found the concepts of AVRT to be very empowering for me. But that's me. Many, many seem to be succeeding with the 12 steps and/or other plans that work for them.

I hope you keep looking until you find what works for you.

DrunkenDonuts

If all else fails, ask a Frenchman.

MelindaFlowers

Yes, yes, and yes. I kept trying to figure out some way, some how, to keep the door cracked open to alcohol. Once I accepted that I would not drink again it all clicked.

franb

I believe I surrendered the very first time the thought "there's got to be a better way" came into my head. Even though at that moment, I admitted to myself I needed help and did not even know it. The spiritual feeling I felt is when I surrendered. Then the words came out of my mouth to another. So that made it "official", so to speak.