Drank again after 69 days
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Drank again after 69 days
Do I regret it? Yes and no.
The fact that I'm typing this with shaking hands, is what I regret. I regret all the physical ailments, the headache, the nausea. I don't regret the reminder - of how great it is to wake up with a clear head. I will take this as a lesson.
Will post more later on. Currently off to sleep
The fact that I'm typing this with shaking hands, is what I regret. I regret all the physical ailments, the headache, the nausea. I don't regret the reminder - of how great it is to wake up with a clear head. I will take this as a lesson.
Will post more later on. Currently off to sleep
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back, sorry to hear you drank and hope the hangover/WDs aren't too bad. Looking forward, any ideas what you might do to prevent it from happening again? Was your plan adequate or do you need to add to it?
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by kkik5 
I will take this as a lesson.
MM
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Thanks for all the posts everyone.
So it took me a better part of a day to even muster up some resemblance of a human existence. Thought about what this drinking incident means for me and I don't feel like I've 'thrown everything away'. Sure, physically I still feel like death warmed up, but other than that - I was sober 69 days out of 70. That's still a win for me - a person who drank 2-3 times a week before the initial March 1st quit date.
The worst thing about this experience for me, is how easy it was to take that drink in the end. I was struggling with work on Thursday and already had that 'bug' then, but went for a walk and it cleared up. Come Friday, nothing seemed to work (none of my tools, including playing the tape through) and everything pointed towards me having that drink. And I did. And it wasn't some sort of great relief or joyful event, it was just drinks, albeit too many.
Basically, I felt that I wanted to drink and I did. It didn't particularly change my view on alcohol nor inspire me to go on a bender - I still view it as poison and currently, the thought of having a drink would probably make me want to vomit.
Cannot explain, why the urge to drink was so strong. It probably has many factors. For one, I've been ill as of lately, on and off for nearly 2 months now - this has taken a lot of energy from me. And when I see my downstairs neighbor, who is constantly drunk, but never sick a day in his life, can't help but feel a certain sense of unfairness. Rationally, I obviously know that his WDs and hangovers are killer, but that wasn't the reason for feeling like I was short-changed - I felt like I deserved better health for not drinking. Like I was supposed to be rewarded more. It's silly, I know, but I guess no matter how much we deny it or how aware of it we are rationally, I, for example, still somewhat believed that staying sober will solve most of my problems 'just like that'.
Right now I need to get my head back in the game. And figure out how to avoid this 'I want to drink!' feeling in the future. That was my only downfall - I wasn't prepared for the moment when all the tools I got from SR failed to stay me from taking that drink.
Any suggestions?
So it took me a better part of a day to even muster up some resemblance of a human existence. Thought about what this drinking incident means for me and I don't feel like I've 'thrown everything away'. Sure, physically I still feel like death warmed up, but other than that - I was sober 69 days out of 70. That's still a win for me - a person who drank 2-3 times a week before the initial March 1st quit date.
The worst thing about this experience for me, is how easy it was to take that drink in the end. I was struggling with work on Thursday and already had that 'bug' then, but went for a walk and it cleared up. Come Friday, nothing seemed to work (none of my tools, including playing the tape through) and everything pointed towards me having that drink. And I did. And it wasn't some sort of great relief or joyful event, it was just drinks, albeit too many.
Basically, I felt that I wanted to drink and I did. It didn't particularly change my view on alcohol nor inspire me to go on a bender - I still view it as poison and currently, the thought of having a drink would probably make me want to vomit.
Cannot explain, why the urge to drink was so strong. It probably has many factors. For one, I've been ill as of lately, on and off for nearly 2 months now - this has taken a lot of energy from me. And when I see my downstairs neighbor, who is constantly drunk, but never sick a day in his life, can't help but feel a certain sense of unfairness. Rationally, I obviously know that his WDs and hangovers are killer, but that wasn't the reason for feeling like I was short-changed - I felt like I deserved better health for not drinking. Like I was supposed to be rewarded more. It's silly, I know, but I guess no matter how much we deny it or how aware of it we are rationally, I, for example, still somewhat believed that staying sober will solve most of my problems 'just like that'.
Right now I need to get my head back in the game. And figure out how to avoid this 'I want to drink!' feeling in the future. That was my only downfall - I wasn't prepared for the moment when all the tools I got from SR failed to stay me from taking that drink.
Any suggestions?
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
Day 2. It's slightly better, but I'm still no where near 100% physically. These hangovers get worse and worse over time.
For some reason I thought back to the time when I was 18 and even if the party was raucous, the hangover was never as bad. Compared to what I was feeling yesterday (and still today to an extent), those were nothing. One drinking incident turned into a 2-day hangover, sluggishness and bouts of anxiety.
Did you notice the progression of your hangovers from bad to worse over the course of your drinking?
For some reason I thought back to the time when I was 18 and even if the party was raucous, the hangover was never as bad. Compared to what I was feeling yesterday (and still today to an extent), those were nothing. One drinking incident turned into a 2-day hangover, sluggishness and bouts of anxiety.
Did you notice the progression of your hangovers from bad to worse over the course of your drinking?
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Northern Utah
Posts: 920
I did, I guess. I sometimes get hangovers, sometimes don't. Thankfully, I don't have one today, although I did drink last night. In retrospect, everything about my drinking patterns got worse: Amount, length of binges, time "sick" from jobs, isolation from others.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
For me in isolation there was only going to be one answer when I wanted to drink.
How about posting BEFORE picking up that drink next time, there will be loads of people here to give you a second opinion on things!!
How about posting BEFORE picking up that drink next time, there will be loads of people here to give you a second opinion on things!!
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