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My health and marriage are on the rocks...so to speak

Old 05-09-2015, 04:55 AM
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My health and marriage are on the rocks...so to speak

So here I am. I need support.

Too many years of too much drinking. Hubby told me this morning he doesn't want to be around me or do anything with me until I get my drinking under control. My liver panels just came back for the first time as slightly elevated at 50. I'm 51. My parents were alcoholics and it worsened as they aged. I have two older sisters that drink to excess and I feel we are all three on a trajectory to an early death.. I'm fat. I'm smart and could be very pretty again. And healthy.

I have a good job and that's about the most positive thing in my life.

I have Valium to use for detox. I just don't know the ropes. I've been a drinker my whole life. I'm not a fan of AA. I know it is helpful for so many and I am glad for that. But it is not for me.

So again, here I am. I'm hungover and I need support and a general idea of how detox works. I drink almost 1.5 L of wine a day.

Thank you.
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Old 05-09-2015, 04:59 AM
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Hi and welcome Pjane
Did you get the Valium from a Dr specifically for detox?

if not, it's probably a good idea to check in with your Dr about your detox concerns.

if you did, it's still probably a good idea to check in again

D
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Old 05-09-2015, 05:16 AM
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You have more than your job.

You have a home, a hubby that cares very much about you. He wouldn't be doing this if he didn't care about you and your health.

You have family - your 3 sisters. You have access to medical care.

Some people have none of these things.

You have to want to do it for you.
You sound like a smart, sassy lady.

There are other ways other than AA.

Perhaps as Dee always say's, it's time to make a plan.

Do you drink mainly at night? Or are you drinking through the day?

I really wish you the best xx
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Old 05-09-2015, 05:54 AM
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Welcome to SR!

You need a concrete plan, just wishing and hoping to stay sober after decades of drinking is not likely to work.
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Old 05-09-2015, 05:57 AM
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giving up drinking is worth it. You will discover life is good without the drink.

I'm concerned about you saying you have valium for detox. Did you just happen to find it in your cabinet?

Welcome
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Old 05-09-2015, 06:07 AM
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I did a lot of booze and Valium.
It was nice to break free from those.
We are here to support you.
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Old 05-09-2015, 06:08 AM
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Is sobriety something that YOU want? Like, honestly really, really want? Or is this because your husband gave you an ultimatum? You talk about the physical sides of the effects of alcohol. Do you think these are the reasons he's giving you the ultimatum, or does it run deeper than that?

I'm asking because getting sober is really tough, with or without detox drugs, and it helps to have our reasons for fighting for it clear in our heads before we go into battle.

As Sasha says, there are other ways than AA. (You say you're not a fan of AA - does this mean that this is something that you have tried in the past?)

Good luck with it all.
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Old 05-09-2015, 06:29 AM
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Welcome PJane!
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Old 05-09-2015, 06:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Beccybean View Post
I'm asking because getting sober is really tough, with or without detox drugs, and it helps to have our reasons for fighting for it clear in our heads before we go into battle.
This. I'm quickly learning it the hard way. Previously, I thought that I'll just decide to quit, and that will be the end of it. I've quickly learned it's nowhere near that simple or easy.

You need to really want it, and plan for it. Your routine, habits, friendships, extracurricular activities, and everything else has to be up for change if you want to succeed.

Welcome to SR though, and all the best. Lean on us as much as you need to.
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Old 05-09-2015, 09:54 AM
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Welcome Pjane
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Old 05-09-2015, 12:26 PM
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If I were thin there would be no ultimatum beccybean. So I don't know if it is sobriety I want or to be thinner. I will say personally and nothing to do with hubby, I am concerned about my health. That part is all mine.
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Old 05-09-2015, 12:47 PM
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Welcome and I do hope you decide to stop drinking.
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Old 05-09-2015, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by PJane View Post
... I am concerned about my health. That part is all mine.
Okay. Fair dos. Hopefully that will be enough to keep you motivated to not pick up that first drink.

As nothing changes if nothing changes, what is your plan to stay sober? (I.e. We know what you don't want to do. I.e. drink alcohol. But what are you planning to actively do, or change about your everyday life to make that doable?) There are some great threads on here with ideas for this, and if you do a search for 'sobriety plan' I'm sure lots of them will come up.

Good luck.
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Old 05-09-2015, 07:30 PM
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I was the same and would drink one to two bottles of red wine most nights
My husband was sick of me. I would vomit nearly every morning then drag myself to work only to finish at 5 and repeat the same cycle. I felt disgusting all the time. My face was red, sweaty and bloated and I gained nearly 40 pounds.
If I were in your shoes ( which I was) I would seek as much support as I could and keep reading and posting here. This site saved me and I am now 18 months sober. You can do this. You have some good insight and a chance to turn it around. It only gets worse if you keep drinking.
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Old 05-10-2015, 12:23 AM
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Welcome to SR, Pjane! Wine was my poison, too. I was an after-work drinker that drank at least three bottles a day. More when I could. It was hard to imagine life without booze, and I wondered if there would be any meaning to such an existence. Now, over two and a half sober years later I wish I'd have stopped decades ago! Life gets better sober.

AVRT was the "key" that let me out of the prison of alcoholism. Do a search, it might work for you as well.
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Old 05-10-2015, 03:41 AM
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Originally Posted by PJane View Post
If I were thin there would be no ultimatum beccybean. So I don't know if it is sobriety I want or to be thinner. I will say personally and nothing to do with hubby, I am concerned about my health. That part is all mine.
I stopped drinking for health reasons nearly two years ago. Not wanting to die from drinking can be a powerful motivator. It feels like you have as good a reason as any to not drink.
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Old 05-10-2015, 08:27 AM
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Welcome to the Forum PJane!!
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Old 05-10-2015, 11:54 AM
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Welcome to the forum, Jane.

My motivations for getting sober did not include embarking on a spritual journey - just to save my career.

But, upon getting sober, my career became somewhat of a tertiary motivating factor, primarily because I didn't want to part with the ability to live a fairly normal life and secondarily because I no longer felt like I did when I drank and used.

If drinking and/or using was better than recovery, most of us wouldn't be posting on this board.

Best with your detox and with your recovery.
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