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I cant live like this anymore

Old 05-08-2015, 12:46 AM
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I cant live like this anymore

Let me begin by saying that this is the first real attempt at getting help from alcohol. After another serious black out bender, I find my self broken, and on the verge of losing it all. I have been 24 hours sober and know I have to give it up permenanly.

I have been drinking heavily for 25 years, mostly weekends through high school, was a complete trainwreck through college, and continued to drink heavily through my 30'.s I have been convicted of two DWI's, once in a crash where I could have died. I can drive again but find myself not caring if I have had a few before doing so. My entire family on my mothers side are alcoholics (some in recovery).

I also have a wonderful wife and three lovely children and I want to be the best dad I can be. I am doing well in my career, but one wrong move (another DWI) and I will literally ruin my life and families life for good. I love them so much. I have reached out to a counsleour for help. I am close to 300 lbs and my doctor noticed elevated live enzymes in my last blood work. I am so tired of lying about my drinking. I am afraid.
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Old 05-08-2015, 01:02 AM
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Welcome to SR! There is a lot of support and information here.

Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
I have been 24 hours sober and know I have to give it up permanently.
Congrats on 24 hours! Now keep that mindset.

The idea of giving it up for life, permanently, can feel way to daunting.

I have taken the choice to drink off the table, but only daily. One day, 24 hours. I can stay sober 24 hours. I can't see into the future, I can only live for today.

There are a lot of recovery options, best to find one and start today.

Take it easy, read and get some support here, everything is going to be okay. Take it one day at a time.
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Old 05-08-2015, 01:09 AM
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yes, 24 hours.

The last period of sobriety (2 weeks) was last August. I blacked out at a wedding and woke up on a park bench. I had to share that.

I cant wait to see a counselour.
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Old 05-08-2015, 01:18 AM
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Welcome and well done for making a really positive decision.

When I'm sturggling, I definitely go hour by hour and day by day. Just keeps it simple and more managable after a long day!

That's also really good news about seeing a therapist. They can really help and I wish you the best of luck :-)
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Old 05-08-2015, 02:45 AM
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Welcome!

I've been where you are.

The fantastic news is that by embracing sobriety, your life can become unimaginably good.

We're glad to have you.
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Old 05-08-2015, 02:50 AM
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There is so much I need to talk about. I have been a lying cheating "functional" alcoholic for years.
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Old 05-08-2015, 02:51 AM
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Been there too.
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Old 05-08-2015, 03:13 AM
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My story also. Welcome and wishing you the best !!!
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Old 05-08-2015, 03:14 AM
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I am worried about the short term "excitement" about finally trying to get straight. How do you stay focused? I don't want apathy to set in.

Has this website/community ever let you down? I have talked to my wife and parents but for some reason I have a feeling I will rack up 5000 posts a month at the rate I am feeling now
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Old 05-08-2015, 03:29 AM
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For me professional help and AA was the solution. You can do this
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Old 05-08-2015, 03:33 AM
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Some might be wondering why I haven't mentioned withdrawls- yes I have them but I am already on low dose Xanax which I use as a crutch to get to the afternoon.
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Old 05-08-2015, 03:44 AM
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Welcome to SR needanewme

I can definitely relate to drinking and not being the man I wanted to be.
Change is possible - and you'll find a lot of support here

D
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:01 AM
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The turning point for me was making a final decision to quit. On the relative scale of risk / reward until recently I felt the risk was worth taking in feeling the numbness and escape associated with drinking. But as I measured the cost compared to the rest of my life its soooo not worth it. I too have a great family, good job, and a reputation (for some reason I don’t understand) that is still intact. One stupid action caused by my inability to control alcohol could have brought all of that to a sudden end. I grew tired of hiding my affliction. To awake with a clear conscience and perfect recall of the night before has proven to be a greater incentive than the temporary (detrimental) benefit of having that comfortably numb condition from my drinking lasting for a few brief hours.

As an added benefit cutting out alcohol is the best diet you’ll ever go on. Was able to loose over 50 lbs. by doing that. 1st because of the fewer calories by not drinking and 2nd because of the discipline and self-control over my excessive drinking found its way into discipline in other areas of life in exercise and food consumption. The desire for self-gratification through eating and drinking has replaced itself with the desire to love on my family and enjoy being around them and to enjoy the things in life I never noticed on account of my alcohol dependency.

Best wishes my friend.
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:25 AM
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For me, the risk reward thing is over. I don't even really enjoy drinking anymore. It has become something I just found myself having to do every day starting at 4-5 pm.
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:47 AM
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Welcome! You can change your life. I believe in you!
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:54 AM
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You really sound like you've had enough. That's how I finally woke one day too. I just had it with my life. I'm glad you're getting help. You'll like it here
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:59 AM
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Thanks all for the kind words.

I am still wracked with guilt. I have had chronic depression and anxiety for most of my drinking career. I am on medication but am afraid that using them with alcohol has made things worse. Does anyone have experience with this?
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Old 05-08-2015, 05:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
I am worried about the short term "excitement" about finally trying to get straight. How do you stay focused? I don't want apathy to set in.
That is why it is a good idea to stick to one day at a time mentality. Sober for one day, excitement for one day, having a bad day? Then it is only one day, not your life, just a day.

It gets easier as time goes by and the mind starts to clear but in the beginning, staying sober one day at a time was all I could emotionally and mentally handle.

Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
Has this website/community ever let you down?
We are just people helping people. Some things you read help and others may not suit or apply to you. While we are all here seeking recovery, each persons journey is their own. We can only share our own experiences and what worked for us and give others strength and hope.

In terms of support, there is always someone willing to jump in, even if they can't help with a problem, they at least wish you well and to have a better day, say a prayer and offer support.

Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
I have talked to my wife and parents but for some reason I have a feeling I will rack up 5000 posts a month at the rate I am feeling now
Post away. I have found that trying to talk and explain my problems with people that are not alcoholics is difficult. I have to talk to other recovering alcoholics because I don't have to explain to much, they already understand.
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Old 05-08-2015, 05:05 AM
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Hi needanewme, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it does sound stressful. I will say this, fear is a great motivator. Fear of serious withdrawals changed my relationship with alcohol permanently. Maybe some healthy fear can help change your situation. It sounds pretty serious. I wish you the very best.
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Old 05-08-2015, 05:15 AM
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Thanks all. I have come to learn that addicts consume a lot of attention.

Yes, fear is a fantastic motivator. I have been afraid in the past, but with so much on the line, I cannot keep allowing myself down this path. I need to be a better father. I cannot with alcohol.
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