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I cant live like this anymore

Old 05-08-2015, 07:06 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
I have been a lying cheating "functional" alcoholic for years.
Welcome aboard Needanewme! That statement perfectly describes me as well.
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Old 05-08-2015, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
Has this website/community ever let you down? I have talked to my wife and parents but for some reason I have a feeling I will rack up 5000 posts a month at the rate I am feeling now
Rack up as many posts as you like

You may not agree with every post, and some may challenge you - but we're all on the same side

I've never felt let down by this community. We're a peer support group and that support is pretty amazing

Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
I am still wracked with guilt. I have had chronic depression and anxiety for most of my drinking career. I am on medication but am afraid that using them with alcohol has made things worse. Does anyone have experience with this?
It may be your meds have not been working as they should when you've been drinking.

If you have any concerns about that your doctor is the person to talk to

D
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Old 05-08-2015, 03:34 PM
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Great to meet you needanewme. I was in the same state when I found SR. I drank all my life, and in the end it was all day. Joining here helped me to not feel alone. The normal drinkers in my life couldn't possibly understand what I was going through, but my friends here did. You can reclaim your life.
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Old 05-08-2015, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
Thanks all for the kind words.

I am still wracked with guilt. I have had chronic depression and anxiety for most of my drinking career. I am on medication but am afraid that using them with alcohol has made things worse. Does anyone have experience with this?
I've been on antidepressants for over fifteen years, and was on them when I was drinking. Alcohol is a depressant so it does no good to take antiDs when you're drinking.

I also found a lot of my depression ended after I got sober for good.

Welcome to the family. You'll find lots of support here.
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Old 05-08-2015, 05:47 PM
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Welcome to SR!

I was feeling the same as you when I joined here, and this place has been amazing. There's tons of support and help to get through anything on here.

Both posting and reading have really helped me a lot. I hope they can do the same for you!
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Old 05-08-2015, 11:28 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I've been on antidepressants for over fifteen years, and was on them when I was drinking. Alcohol is a depressant so it does no good to take antiDs when you're drinking.

I also found a lot of my depression ended after I got sober for good.

Welcome to the family. You'll find lots of support here.
I think it makes coming off a bender way worse. I do plan on coming clean with my Dr., who I have successfully managed to convince I have always been a social drinker. I wonder if he will keep me on the meds. I imagine that with counseling things will improve. Can recovery occur in isolation? I doubt it.

I am confident I can do this, I think I will just need constant support/contact.

Seriously, I cant raise children while sneaking nips in the garage and stashing vodka all over the house. I will get caught, and that would be devastating. It cant happen.
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Old 05-09-2015, 01:46 AM
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I used to see an addiction counselor and it helped a lot. I also come here daily and that helps a lot too.
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Old 05-09-2015, 01:50 AM
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Hi - congratulations. You have taken 2 huge steps.

1) Recognising that you cannot control your alcohol intake once you've started, and the impact this has on your life.

2) Making the decision to stop the cycle of drinking and chaos, and live the life that you (and your family) deserve.

You have a lot to look forward to. The next few months may not feel like that though, as they are hard work and many of the benefits will take a little while to see in fruition.

This is an amazing source of support and advice. As someone else said, we may not always 'like' the advice we are given. Personally I've found that sometimes the advice that has rankled with me and made me a little cross initially, has turned out to be just what I needed to hear. (Not always though).

Personally, after struggling through the first month alone (well, with SR to help after a week or so), I went along to AA. Initially I just sat and listened, which helped initially, then I needed to actually start doing something more active. It's been since then that I've gone from being sober, to starting to recover and finding peace with my new sober life, and learning to deal with things without my old crutch alcohol to ease the way. AA isn't for everyone, but it's one of the completely free resources available to us all over the world, so it's worth looking at as an option. There are lots of other support groups as well, but they vary geographically so would depend on your location.

Anyway - you've come to the right place, and sound like you're ready to get sober and get honest.

Two books that I found incredibly useful were Monkey on My Shoulder, and Living Sober (both available cheaply from Amazon).

I wish you happiness and success on your journey to sobriety and recovery.
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Old 05-09-2015, 02:19 AM
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hi and welcome to SR. I don't doubt your sincerity but it helps to have a plan for when the memory of how wretched you are begins to fade. You might catch yourself reasoning that you're not as bad as plenty of others, you can have the occasional drink without harm, and plenty of other rationalisations. This is called your AV (alcoholic voice) and you can expect to hear from it for a few months until you've changed your habits and your body stops excepting a drink.

Have you been around the house and garage for all your stash? It's essential to get rid of it so it's not around when AV strikes. Ask your wife to support you by not keeping wine etc in the house for herself. Avoid any social gathering where alcohol is served; it won't be forever but it will give you your best chance.

I'm glad you'll be seeing your doctor who probably has a shrewd idea about your intake. If you find it hard to tell him/her write it down and give him/her the note. I got a lot of encouragement from my doc. and I loved telling him i hadn't touched a drop, and getting praised. He should be able to take another look at your anxiety and depression.

I hope your have a plan for getting lots of rest, eating well and taking up other activities when you usually drink. You'll need good strategies like these to get you through the hard parts.
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Old 05-09-2015, 02:35 AM
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat View Post
hi and welcome to SR. I don't doubt your sincerity but it helps to have a plan for when the memory of how wretched you are begins to fade. You might catch yourself reasoning that you're not as bad as plenty of others, you can have the occasional drink without harm, and plenty of other rationalisations. This is called your AV (alcoholic voice) and you can expect to hear from it for a few months until you've changed your habits and your body stops excepting a drink.

Have you been around the house and garage for all your stash? It's essential to get rid of it so it's not around when AV strikes. Ask your wife to support you by not keeping wine etc in the house for herself. Avoid any social gathering where alcohol is served; it won't be forever but it will give you your best chance.

I'm glad you'll be seeing your doctor who probably has a shrewd idea about your intake. If you find it hard to tell him/her write it down and give him/her the note. I got a lot of encouragement from my doc. and I loved telling him i hadn't touched a drop, and getting praised. He should be able to take another look at your anxiety and depression.

I hope your have a plan for getting lots of rest, eating well and taking up other activities when you usually drink. You'll need good strategies like these to get you through the hard parts.
Thanks. The house is clear, I was good about getting rid of empties. I was going to different stores everyday after work, and like others here mixed them up so I didn't run into the same clerks everyday.

I have been candid with my doc, but will be even more with a counselor I reached out too. Time to air out the dirty laundry.
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Old 05-09-2015, 02:38 AM
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Hi Needanewme, and welcome to SR.

I can totally relate to much of what you said, and maybe I'm wrong, but sounds as though you've reached the same point as me. Just so absolutely livid, you don't even have the words to describe how p**sed off you are at the whole situation.

Stay strong bud, being sober is definitely an amazing feat, and one that's very worthwhile.
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Old 05-09-2015, 01:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
I need to be a better father. I cannot with alcohol.
First things first!

I found if I looked at the things I wanted to do and all the ways I wanted to change the hill grew to a mountain.

Stop drinking first, get into recovery first. The rest of the changes will come on their own once the head is clear and the perception changes.
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Old 05-09-2015, 02:06 PM
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I agree with Gracielou, the very first thing anyone with alcohol issues needs to do is get sober. That way you can move forward with a clear head (for the most part.) Making decisions while under the influence is a risky proposition.
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Old 05-10-2015, 04:16 AM
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Still here, now 3 days! Oh the thirst and the odor.....wishing all the moms a happy mothers day
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Old 05-10-2015, 05:49 AM
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Welcome to SR!

This website and AA helped me to get, and stay, sober. After decades of drinking it's really difficult to do it by yourself.
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Old 05-10-2015, 06:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
Still here, now 3 days! Oh the thirst and the odor.....wishing all the moms a happy mothers day
I hope you're drinking a lot of water and don't worry, the body odour passes. I smelt better after a week!
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Old 05-10-2015, 06:42 AM
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Originally Posted by JaneLane View Post
I hope you're drinking a lot of water and don't worry, the body odour passes. I smelt better after a week!
Thanks. I have been. Now I need to work on " a plan". I suspect a plan is for what to do when av cones calling right?
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Old 05-10-2015, 06:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Zebra1275 View Post
Welcome to SR!

This website and AA helped me to get, and stay, sober. After decades of drinking it's really difficult to do it by yourself.
I can imagine. I know what happens after the short term euphoria of sobriety wears off.
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Old 05-10-2015, 06:45 AM
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In order to be able to quit for good you have to know you're done with alcohol, and realize that it no longer brings any good to your life. You sound like you're at that point.
This is a great place for support and information of all kinds on recovery.
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Old 05-10-2015, 06:48 AM
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Originally Posted by Needanewme View Post
Thanks. I have been. Now I need to work on " a plan". I suspect a plan is for what to do when av cones calling right?
For sure! I use my plan every day to keep me sober. Mine involves AA meetings, reading books about addiction (including about AVRT which I find helpful), daily yoga practice and plenty of sleep. They're the few core things that help me each day even if it's only 10 minutes on my yoga mat :-)
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