Charliee

2 years gone! Drinking again, feeling worthless. I'm going to lose it all. I don't matter, they do!. I wish I was never born, then my family wouldn't have to deal with this ********! They don't know yet, but unless I can pull my head out of my ass

Dee74

Hi Charliee.
I'm sorry you're in pain.

Lots of people have made lots of suggestion to you and for you - anyone of them is better than drinking.

I really hope you decide to do something for your own well being - whether it's seeing your Dr or a counsellor, going to rehab, or joining a group like AA (Or Smart or whatever)

I've been reading your posts for a long time now.

maybe I'm off base, but I kinda get the sense you're waiting for someone or something to notice your pain and swoop in to save you?

We can give you all kinds of advice and hopefully something you read here on SR can help - but you're the one who's going to have to do the work.

None of us can do that for you - and your family can't either.

If you want change, make change Charliee

ScottFromWI

So pull your head out...so to speak. You know how to be sober, you did it for 2 years. I think you probably need to see your therapist again too, you seemed to do so much better in the past when you were. We all have issues, but with help they can be overcome...yours too.

Charliee

Yeah, I'm having a real rough time Dee. Looking for support and encouragement. I feel like I'm on a real thin line right now betwee having to risk it all again or getting support from you all

DreaJean

Sorry to hear this news. I hope you can find it in your best self to put the drinks down and start again and know you are worth it!

suki44883

There's all kinds of good support here, Charliee. We'll do all we can, but you have to make it happen. Stay close to SR and don't drink, no matter what. You can do this.

ScottFromWI

There is always support here for you, just like anyone else. What do you mean by "risking it all" ?

DreaJean

Incidentally, I was in a recent AA meeting and a woman came in who had over 24 years of sobriety and fell off but was getting right back on! Don't wallow, fight for yourself girlfriend I mean that in a supportive way! Also, we all need help with our struggles, I just did a big book meeting with my sponsor...cravings all week, and after that, I feel on track. It takes continual effort. You did it before, you can do it again! Good luck!

Serenidad

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know the pain you are feeling. I relapsed after 5.5 years and am finally getting back on track.

The silver lining for me is I learned ALOT about myself during my relapse & feel stronger than ever.

If I could change one thing...I would have not let my relapse last so long. I hope you get right back on the horse.

Hang in there!

Iconoclastic

I threw in the towel when I reached my bottom and could no longer fight, because I chose life over death!

I suffered from “I’m Not Enough-ism” for years. But, I drank my way to freedom, because alcoholism has a purpose that helped me uncover, discover and discard my low self-worth issues that caused my addiction.

I learned that I had value, as I believe does every Human Being. That people are not a noun, they are not things. I’m a verb, an evolutionary process an integral function of the Universe or if one has faith, God.

"Each one of us has something to contribute. This really depends on each one doing their own thinking, but not following any kind of rule that I can give out, any command. We're all on the frontier, we're all in a great mystery — incredibly mysterious." Richard Buckminster “Bucky” Fuller

Richard Buckminster “Bucky” Fuller also wrote, "God is an action, don't oppose force use it, God a verb not a noun"…In other words, God may very well be able to move mountains, but it’s a good idea to bring a pick and shovel.

Carlotta

Charliee, we can support you but we cannot carry you or fix you. Trying to fix another alcoholic earned me a lifetime membership on the other side of this forum.
You have to take action and start doing the footwork. Wallowing in fears, regrets and self pity will only make things worst for you and certainly won't help you quit.
Re read all your past threads and take some of the suggestions. Start getting into action.
Come on girl, you can do it!

Carlotta

Action/practical things to do:

a) Make tomorrow day 1

b) Join those two threads
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-56-a-6.html
that's the recovery connection where you commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2015-a-15.html
Class of May so you get support from your peers and since you've had quite a chunk of time under your belt, you will be a big asset there.

c) Call your sponsor and tell her you are in trouble

d) Get yourself to a meeting: yeah coming back from a relapse after some years sober it rough. I know pushing that door is difficult: I relapsed after 5 years and was out there for 6. No one likes to eat humble pie but you will get support and it is worth it.

Charliee

Thank you everyone!

Charliee

Ok, will be rough days, withdrawal, shakes, and most of all anxiety. Please, I need help the next few days

Carlotta

We'll be here and remember that SR has a Friday night recovery meeting.
Make sure you stock up on Gatorade or sport drinks so you don't get dehydrated.

Charliee

Thank you, I will

doggonecarl

Are we enough support? You continue to struggle doing what you've been doing. What do you fear about getting face-to-face support?