Really struggling
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Hey Stewy....
Not sure how long sober you are but one thing to remember is its OK to feel angry and down. If you're getting stuck there for extended periods that may need to be addressed differently.. But being human means having emotions. Being sober means confronting the upwelling of many emotions that have been long ignored or repressed or numbed.
It's OK to feel these things and sometimes, just giving yourself space and permission and compassion can go a long way toward moving in a positive direction.
Not sure how long sober you are but one thing to remember is its OK to feel angry and down. If you're getting stuck there for extended periods that may need to be addressed differently.. But being human means having emotions. Being sober means confronting the upwelling of many emotions that have been long ignored or repressed or numbed.
It's OK to feel these things and sometimes, just giving yourself space and permission and compassion can go a long way toward moving in a positive direction.
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Originally Posted by Serenidad 
It sounds like you're depressed. Have you talked to someone about that? Hang in there friend.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Depression can be overwhelming Stewy. It's not your fault and it's no reflection on you as a person. I hope you'll continue to look for the right treatment mate. Don't lose hope 
D
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Hey Stewy.... Not sure how long sober you are but one thing to remember is its OK to feel angry and down. If you're getting stuck there for extended periods that may need to be addressed differently.. But being human means having emotions. Being sober means confronting the upwelling of many emotions that have been long ignored or repressed or numbed. It's OK to feel these things and sometimes, just giving yourself space and permission and compassion can go a long way toward moving in a positive direction.
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Also; you have recognized your anger. So, clearly you have more emotional awareness and capacity than you give yourself credit for.
Here's what I started to do in response to that recognition in early sobriety;
'Ah.... I see that you are feeling angry. That's OK. It happens. If you feel like letting me see what's under that anger I am here for you'
Does that seem corny to say aloud to yourself? It did to me. But it worked.
'Oh... I see you're feeling anxious. That's ok, it's a normal human emotion. I'm here for you'
Again, aloud to myself. Yes..... Like a crazy person. But it worked.
'I can see that you're feeling scared. That you fear you may not be good enough. Everyone feels that way sometimes. Just so you know, I love you and you're good enough for me'
Instead of fighting or resisting emotions to try and make them go away..... When we shift to accepting them and offering ourselves understanding as we would a friend.... Some amazing things happen.
Here's what I started to do in response to that recognition in early sobriety;
'Ah.... I see that you are feeling angry. That's OK. It happens. If you feel like letting me see what's under that anger I am here for you'
Does that seem corny to say aloud to yourself? It did to me. But it worked.
'Oh... I see you're feeling anxious. That's ok, it's a normal human emotion. I'm here for you'
Again, aloud to myself. Yes..... Like a crazy person. But it worked.
'I can see that you're feeling scared. That you fear you may not be good enough. Everyone feels that way sometimes. Just so you know, I love you and you're good enough for me'
Instead of fighting or resisting emotions to try and make them go away..... When we shift to accepting them and offering ourselves understanding as we would a friend.... Some amazing things happen.
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It does sound like you're depressed, Stewy. It might be possible to talk to your dr and try a different medication. Could it be that the medication you're taking is not working for you? And, I know you were very concerned about going back to your job because of the stress. I wonder if you should consider a different job?
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Originally Posted by Stewy84
Could I have some sort of mental illness? I don't feel well but at the same time, I don't think I'm going mad
If you're worried, consult with a doctor or psychiatrist. It can't hurt.
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Originally Posted by Anna
It does sound like you're depressed, Stewy. It might be possible to talk to your dr and try a different medication. Could it be that the medication you're taking is not working for you? And, I know you were very concerned about going back to your job because of the stress. I wonder if you should consider a different job?
The stress is unbelievable Anna, I really just think it's the nature of the work, I spoke to my boss today who's been excellent and even he said it's really tough right now
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl
A second opinion... Different meds... Shake up your approach to therapy.... Keep trying things that support your sobriety and your mental and emotional well being.
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Originally Posted by soberwolf
What has your CBT therapist said Stewy
I have to work at it though, listen and take on board their advice
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Thats exellent Stewy congrats on your first apt im sure with more time and working through it will really help
No matter remember you always have us to lean on your a really good friend Stewy rooting for you all the way bud
No matter remember you always have us to lean on your a really good friend Stewy rooting for you all the way bud
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Originally Posted by FreeOwl
... you could just be dealing with 'normal' recovery. I had some really heavy times from about month 4-8....
PAWS | Digital Dharma
For me things started improving when I found a sponsor and started working the steps (before I'd been going to AA meetings and just kind of soaking it up as best I could without taking the step of asking for help or doing any of the work).
Hope you start feeling better soon. It's a scary dark old hole to find yourself down. Take care. Things will get better as long as you don't drink.
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