Pete55

Good post and welcome

My"Ah ha" happened just before my 50th.
never knew AA existed, never done rehabs/detox, never got help, never asked for help.
I always thought that one day, I will drink enough so my body will tolerate alcohol, and I won't black out.
( Drugs was part of this journey, that's another story, my main problem was alcohol, yet grateful to NA to sort out the drugs during my 4th step).

Well, over 30 years ++, I humiliated everyone, and it was that point where "sorry" was not working either.

I found AA on the telephone, rang them to ask why shite happens whenever I drink.

The "penny dropped" almost there and then, my first meeting in AA I learnt more about the physical craving for more alcohol after the first drink, that there is no known cure to stop that craving for more, and of course the change in personality once alcohol is consumed, and the fact most "normal" drinkers don't have this.
I tested the "theory", drank a beer 2 weeks after my first AA meeting and sure enough, all the symptoms were there, I struggled to leave the glass half empty, walked out the bar overwhelmed by this "new discovery" about *my* drinking.

That's when I got the,
Ah haaa!
My living is not about not drinking, as the mental obsession over alcohol is just not there, drinking alcohol is simply not on the radar, yet the mind may play tricks when least expected, tries to delude me that I can drink and no one will know type of thing.
Well, AA's 12 Step program helps me deal with this via an awareness, and of course reading your post helps me to, it reminded me of my "ah ha" moment. So we share this experience, in the hope it may help another, and another before it's too late, this menace in our lives, Alcohol can be fatal to one's self or others, that's the stark reality.

CAPTAINZING2000

At the end, it was obvious I could no longer drink socially.
I was like an airplane, I always overshot the runway. After
Being convinced I no longer could drink socially, I made a
Decision to stop drinking.

thomas11

I've mentioned this before on this site. I had no idea how dangerous alcohol was until 2 winters ago. My wife went away for 3 months to take care of her ailing father. While away, I had complete freedom to do what I wanted and when I wanted to do it. I started drinking, alot. I plow snow up here in the Midwest and we work 24/7. So when I wasn't working I was drinking or sleeping. Didn't matter the time of day or night. My new-found freedom turned into a living hell after about 3 weeks. I suddenly suffered panic attacks, pounding heartbeat, sweating, shakes the works until I had another stiff drink, then everything settled down. I remember thinking "what the h*ll is going on?" So I went to Dr. Google and quickly learned I was suffering alcohol withdrawal and it wasn't going away until I got sobered up. I did (it took awhile), it was just as horrible as people describe it. It scared me to the point of never wanting to return to that condition.

wpainterw

It was a Wednesday, early in the afternoon. I had been an episodic drinker and had started drinking the preceding Thursday when my wife (who I had been using as a "control" over my drinking) had gone to visit her sister in California. I was to meet her at the airport on her return. With that in mind I had tried to taper off but had been unsuccessful in doing so. Gradually I felt that my body was becoming more and more toxic. I realized that it would be completely irresponsible to risk her life and mine, as well as the lives of others on the road, to make the 40 minute journey to the airport and back in rush hour. It did not occur to me to call for a taxi. I tried to get in touch with my wife but was unsuccessful in doing so. Eventually she arrived and when I met her at the door I told her what had happened. We both realized that I should be immediately hospitalized. The next three days were the usual horrendous journey back to sobriety and when my liver test results came in I was told that they could not say that the damage was reversible. A nurse told me that she had watched many a patient die of cirrhosis and that she would rather die painfully of cancer than liver disease. That was my wake up call. In a week or so my liver bounced back, my appetite returned and I have not had a drink in over 26 years.

W.

SoberCAH

I came to the belief that my chronic alcoholism was going to cost me my career.

Only then did I consider asking for help.

I'm glad I did.

Fluffer

Actually I pretty much knew from the start that I had a problem. Didn't stop me though.

Venecia

There's a famous quote from "The Sign of the Four," a Sherlock Holmes mystery:

"You will not apply my precept," he said, shaking his head. "How often have I said to you that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth?"

I'll reshape it to apply to my drinking. No longer could I deny that I wasn't a social drinker nor an occasional one. I wasn't a vacation drinker nor a "fun" drinker. Neither a wine enthusiast nor a beer buff. I didn't fall into the "moderate" category, nor could I moderate.

Whatever remained, however painful, must be the truth. I was an alcoholic.

Soberpotamus

Many moments added up to the obvious for me.

GracieLou

46 years old here, drank for 27 years, sober for two.

I have no idea what brought on the “ah ha” moment or that "moment of clarity" as I have come to know it as.

I was sitting on my couch on a late Saturday afternoon. I had been drinking all day as usual. I just felt as though I was done. I could not do it anymore, I was on the brink of insanity. I called the AA hotline in my area and went to a meeting.

I had surrendered, I stopped fighting with it and waved the white flag.

Or my higher power came down and threw me through that window of clarity, I think he had had enough of my BS.

Either way, I am sober today and I am grateful. We get it when we get it.