Relapse
 

Hi, first time poster here. I'm not sure what I expect out of posting this. But I have read through some other threads and this seems like a great community.

I've been drinking as an alcoholic for at least 10 years, off and on. My most recent period of abstinence was about 1 year; I took up sports and "religiously" kept to an almost daily routine of working out, anywhere from 30min to 1h, at least 6 days out of 7.

Everything was going great, totally abstinent, and I was feeling better than I had in a long time...

Until, in a social occasion, I had a small amount of alcohol. Well, that triggered a relapse which started the very next day and has now lasted for almost 3 weeks.

Every day I think to myself how much happier I was when I was free of the alcohol, and working out, keeping my body and mind in shape... yet every day I wake up hungover and going for a run or similar is not even an option at that point. I end up going back to the old "tomorrow then" argument, which of course never works.

Any similar experiences? How to break the cycle? (again)

Welcome to the family. :) I kept relapsing over and over until I finally reached the point where I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. And now it's been over five years and my life has never been better. :)

Welcome to the Forum Vimes!! :wave:

For me I needed to make some tough decisions on what activities to get involved in and what people to hang out with, taking certain actions to make Sobriety happen is what finally broke the cycle.

Continuing to do the same things and expecting different results never got me anywhere, I needed to change things up, take new steps no matter how small!!

You'll find loads of support here on SR to help!! :)

Welcome Vimes! 1 year is really good. If you can do it once you can do it again.

"Every day I think to myself how much happier I was when I was free of the alcohol, and working out, keeping my body and mind in shape... "

It's not too late for ya.

I got sick of not doing anything that I used to love to do. That will never happen to me again.

Hi and welcome. I've only got 6 months under my belt now but for around a year before this I kept going around in circles never getting more than a month or so of sobriety. For years alcohol was a major 'crutch' for me in social situations because it eased my nerves and made me feel more 'accepted' especially if everyone else was drinking. It wasn't until I avoided all of these social situations completely that I was able to get sober. I realized that what I did for years was going to take a long time to untangle and unlearn. I'm learning new coping techniques and have to be patient with myself. I still avoid a lot of situations that I don't feel comfortable in but I'm getting better.
You made it a year so you know you can do this. Be patient with yourself and don't beat yourself up over this relapse. You can learn from it and move forward. Think about why you took that first drink, (were you nervous or uncomfortable?) and think about how you can avoid that happening again.

Welcome vimes

Thanks a lot to all those that replied so far, reading your thoughts and learning about your experiences is very helpful.

"I got sick of not doing anything that I used to love to do. That will never happen to me again. "
I like this quote! :)

In response to Hawk07, I didnt particularly feel uncomfortable. It was a family event, and after 1 year of successfully staying sober, I felt I could handle 1 drink. Big mistake. Turning back to old patterns was as easy as 1-2-3. I now know that no matter how long I've been sober, total abstinence is probably the only way.

For me the sports approach was truly life saving. Being an "overthinker", engaging in daily sports not only allowed me to spend some time not really thinking about anything, but it also tired me out, and released some of those "good feeling" substances into my brain, without the alcohol. To some point, its like "lets go for a run" instead of "lets have a drink".
Its mostly replacing one obsession with another, but one that is much more healthy.

Right now my problem is breaking out of this daily hungover feeling, and going back to sports, and recapturing the mindset I had.
After 3 weeks of daily binging, this is harder than it seems. (well perhaps not to some of you, you know exactly what I'm talking about)

As some more background, I am (un?)fortunate enough to do my work from home. Hiding alcohol abuse is very easy in this case, and I've noticed a lot of people struggle with similar situations.

It's great to have you with us vimes! :)

I sure do understand how hard it is to get back on track. My last time 'out' lasted for years, not weeks. I'd say you're doing quite well to be reclaiming your life. :) I think talking things over here will help.

Thank you so much for replying Hevyn!

I'm at that point where I know I got to get back on track and change my behaviour (again), but talking it out with like-minded people always helps and provides that extra push.

My support circle IRL is quite limited.

:ring

I agree - no one in my life understood what I went through. There was no way to explain it. Being here really helped with the anxiety, & not feeling alone meant everything.

Vimes, I can relate 100% and am fed up with repeating Day 1 so I joined an IOP. Not because I couldn't do it but I needed a jumpstart on keeping with sobriety. Plus after 5-6 years of on and off its taken a toll on my body. Glad you're here!

Thank you Summerrain!
I see you're a new user like me... :)

I'm sorry, but whats an IOP? I havent yet picked up on the lingo.

I am new here as well and I will post my story/situation shortly. I am in a similar spot and all I can say is to never give up.

Hi and welcome Vimes :)

I can definitely relate with things being harder after a relapse. In the end though I think you just need to grit your teeth and do it - you'll find a lot of support here too.

Maybe look at your recovery plan a little deeper too - sports and exercise and keeping busy are all great things but, as you saw, they won't necessarily help you in situations when you're offered a drink.

Hopefully adding SR to your daily programme will help you flesh out some more recovery plan ideas :)

D

Hi LiberatedStorm, very glad to meet you!
Its nice that a lot of us are meeting as "new users", (even though we probably would prefer not to be in a situation where we post here in the first place). This seems like a great community, and seeking for help in the first place is (I think) already a strong sign you want change, but just have not achieved it yet.

Thanks Dee!
I havent really ever had a "recovery plan"so far. I saw there are some forum sections dedicated to that, and I will take a look. As probably many here have in the past, I have considered therapy but have never tried it, because as I said I'm an overthinker/intellectual type and have trouble coming to terms with the possibility someone else could fix my mind. But I draw closer and closer to trying that out. I would be very interested in hearing from people with similar personalities who have tried therapy.

As for SR helping, yes, I'm sure it would. I'm not even back on track yet, but just being able to talk with people in similar situations is already a huge relief and help.

I am right there with you on the working at home stuff Vimes. It makes it so much easier for people in our situations to continue to abuse. It's a blessing to be able to work from home and also a curse. I've been working from home for several years now.
Also, pleasure to meet you as well, even under the current circumstances.

Vimes, IOP = Intensive Outpatient Program. My group meets weekdays 9am- 12:15pm and I'll be in it for the next 3 weeks. It's not 12-step and that's encouraged which I haven't yet attended that first AA meeting. A little anxiety and depression mixed in right now because you know I'm the ONLY ONE who is experiencing problems with alcohol (eye rolling expected).

Totally agree on blessing but a curse!I dont know about you but I have no kids of my own, and as of a few months, not even a girlfriend. This is an alcoholic's "paradise" with no one to answer to, really, and as long as you perform in your job, no one will raise any questions. Alcohol abuse is just "easy" in these situations.

Thanks for the clarification! I wish you the best of luck in it!!