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Feeling guilty

Old 05-05-2015, 07:29 AM
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Feeling guilty

I was here last fall, and unfortunately let myself slide back into bad old habits. Feeling guilty this morning, I drank last night, and then yelled at my child.

I apologize this morning, and I want to forgive myself, but I also don't. I feel like if I forgive myself, I'm just going to make it that much easier to do the same thing again.

I feel like I'm stuck in the cycle of drinking and then feeling ashamed and then drinking because I feel ashamed.

Day 1 all over again. 😓
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:32 AM
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Welcome back!!

Time to break that cycle, it can be done, I went round in circles for a long time but at some point we need to draw a line under our old life, nothing we can do about that, we can't go back, but instead we can write the next chapter moving forward!!

You can do this!!
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:33 AM
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Welcome back strongandsober. Instead of feeling guilty, shamful, etc, why not take the initiative to make some real change in your life? It's the drinking that is the source of all the problems, so make plan to stop it. The rest of it will eventually take care of itself.

Think of it from your child's standpoint - would he/she rather hear you apologize for drinking or see you taking action to not drink?
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Old 05-05-2015, 07:57 AM
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Have you got a plan
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:02 AM
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Originally Posted by strongandsober View Post
I feel like I'm stuck in the cycle of drinking and then feeling ashamed and then drinking because I feel ashamed.
Addiction can seem like a hamster wheel...round and round the same old same.

You can step off, anytime you are ready.
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:09 AM
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What's your plan Strong?

I used to be very quick tempered with my kids when I was drinking as well. That was one of my motivations for quitting. I would yell at them about small and trivial things. My kids are my life, and it was extremely tough to forgive myself after a big argument about nothing. Finally I realized I couldn't forgive myself. It was my decision and choice to drink and if I were sober, I would have reacted to those situations very differently. My drinking, my fault, not theirs, over and over and over...

I haven't had one of those trivial yelling matches with my kids in 302 days.

It was time for me to change... Maybe it's time for you to beat this for good. You can do it!
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:11 AM
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I don't have a plan yet, just know I need to get off the wheel.
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:15 AM
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I agree that it would be a good idea to have a plan that will help you stay sober.

Your guilt will lessen as you begin to recover and be the person you really want to be.
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:18 AM
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I have made an appointment with an addiction counselor that was recommended to me. I guess that's as good a place to start as any.
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:21 AM
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There are some ideas here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:27 AM
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Scott and Carl listed great points. I beat my head against the wall for years wondering why I lived in guilt, felt shame and was physically sick and the answer was right there in my hand...alcohol. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and remove the booze from your life. You wont believe your new outlook on life.
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Old 05-05-2015, 08:27 AM
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Originally Posted by strongandsober View Post
I want to forgive myself, but I also don't.
Personally I'd go slow on the forgiving myself. Sure, we wish for all to be back to normal with the family but, let's go ahead for now and beat ourselves up a little. Have we not done this before and now truly wish to make change ? If so this may be a good time in which to concentrate on things more important than ourselves. For is that not where the problem is found, within ourselves ?

Let us work on forgiving ourselves down the road a little when we truly see where we have made positive changes in our lives.

For remember, a healthy conscious is a gift.

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Old 05-05-2015, 08:41 AM
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That is a slippery slope Mountainman. Feeling guilty and not forgiving one's self can very readily turn into using again. I get that you don't want to simply shrug off and say Oh well...but I think it is detrimental to live in pain and self recrimination. Use this as a lesson-learned and try to make positive changes.
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Old 05-05-2015, 09:00 AM
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I see things work for the best when one seeks and receives true Repentance. This is a process that usually takes time. Time well spent I think.

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Old 05-05-2015, 09:25 AM
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I understand not letting myself off the hook, I don't intend to. But I worry that beating myself up over and over today will only make me want to drink tonight to "relax" and get away from the stress and guilt. I can't even remember everything I said, but I've been replaying bits and pieces in my mind all morning and it makes me sick to my stomach.
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Old 05-05-2015, 05:34 PM
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Hi strongandsober

there's no need to beat yourself up - what's done cannot be undone

do you have any ideas on what you might do to stay sober this time?

D
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