What's the difference?
 

I only drank out at bars. I wanted to be around people. I wanted to be liked.

Every day I attended dutifully. On my stool on time and engaged in the world around me. Listening for the slightest need for conversation where I could insert myself and hope to find a friend. I could listen as well as I could talk. I could connect as well as be aloof. I was everything I was not when I drank.

Funny thing is... I found only isolation.

Fast forward and here I sit. Sunny and warm. The breeze. Birds singing. Kids playing. My need for conversation no less intense. The dichotomy of my personality no less obvious. I am all that I am because I have not drank.

Funny thing is... I found only isolation.

Unlearning isolation is a unique gift. Sometimes we go back to go forward. I asked today what's the difference in where I was to where I am at?

It's simple really. I never felt the breeze. Never heard the birds... I especially never heard the kids.... :D

Great post Ken!!

I can relate to a lot of that.

The lonesome life can still exist in Sobriety but the benefits are so much more overall!! :)

hello weasel,
A funny thing happened today as I was driving home. I noticed these small trees with lavender blossoms spread out over a 1/2 mile. About three or four of them interspersed among the bigger green trees. Then I started to recollect how as a youngster I would notice the colors of spring in a profound way. I was always drawn to nature. And even when I was with friends, I was never quite all there much of the time. I find myself starting to enjoy just experiencing 'life' now.
Sometimes living in our own silent world should not be so underrated.
I find joy in being able to 'see' and 'hear' things. Real things. Not the made up conversations because we feel we have to say something kind of things.
Silence is more golden than otherwise believed.
Rock on my friend.

Good post Ken

Hi Ken,

I know what you mean, as a drunk you can have dozens of "converations" but not make one meaningful connection.

As a sober person it may be that you don't interact with anything like as many people but sooner or later you will, and then you have the possibility of a meaningful connection.

That in addition, as you say to being aware of your surroundings

Nice to know others get this feeling. It's not bad. It really is different. In a very good way. :D