Tetra

I will admit that I am not finding things easy.
I work during the week and I live at my Grandmother's (with 3 others) during the week.
This week another one of my aunts is also visiting so I gave up my bed and was on the floor. At the weekend I usually go to my parents so I am constantly packing a suitcase and I feel like I have no home. My sister has left her husband and is back with our parents so things are not easy here either.

I find my Grandmother's extremely dreary to be honest. I'm still quite young and I live with relations who are much older than me. I have started walking the prom every evening just to get out of the house. One evening it started raining and I ran into the local pub where they serve bar food. There's a sign on the door saying "Toilets are for customers only" so I decided to have a cappuccino and a dessert. I probably go there once a week for a cappuccino and a dessert. There isn't a lot of places open after 8:00 in the evening.

I mentioned this to my dad today that I had a lovely dessert in....

He seemed to be quite annoyed and we had words, kind of.

I know people will say that he is just worried about me but I feel really bad about it and I'm sitting here in tears. I said I would not go there anymore and then he got even more annoyed and said I was defensive and taking his point up all wrong.

I have been trying so hard for the past few months and I just feel like a complete failure.

biminiblue

You're right, your dad is just worried.

Stand up to him the same way you did your Mom. "Dad, I appreciate that you're worried, I'm not going to drink. Relax."

I can't control what other people say to me. All I can do is stay on my side of the street. If I want to go to a bar and eat, that's my business. I'm an adult and am perfectly capable.

I think other peoples' insecurities are annoying, too. Let them own it. Love him anyway. You've come so far and we're all so proud of you - eat dessert at the pub if you want. You've earned every bit of adult Tetra ((hug))

hopeful4

You ARE NOT a failure!!!

Honey, you deserve to get out and give yourself a break. A dessert and cappa once a week is a good thing. Maybe you will meet others there you enjoy being around. Regardless, that is YOUR time, and you don't need validation from anyone else that it's ok to do so. Please don't take away one very small thing that is bringing you some peace.

If a person is going to drink, they will drink. It is everywhere. As long as you have this situation under control, that is all that matters.

Hugs to you.

Soberpotamus

It's your intent and motivation that counts. If you went in there for the dessert, you're all good

What other people think of me is none of my business

Axiom

These three ladies pretty much covered it.

I just wanted to jump in and say you are doing really well.

ArtFriend

Give yourself credit for getting the cappuccino and dessert! That in itself is something worth celebrating... your dad is over reacting. Try to ignore if possible.

PurpleKnight

Sobriety is the goal and you're doing it Tetra, no matter how negative people around you are being!!

You should be proud of what you have achieved!! SR is in your corner!!

saoutchik

You might be young Tetra but you are an adult and have every right to eat dessert. As you say there isn't much open in the evenings then you don't really have a choice.

As ArtFriend said your dad is overreacting so stand your ground and don't let it upset you

Hope you are still enjoying your job Tetra

Ruby2

Tetra, your dad is worrying and being protective and sometimes the ways dads phrase things is upsetting. I get that from my father sometimes too. Thank him for his concern and do what you're doing. Dessert and a cappuccino sound lovely.

Hugs! I hope you are feeling better.

firstymer

On behalf of over-reacting dads everywhere, let me say "I am sorry". Our hearts are in the right place, usually, but we often get it wrong. As I sit here, I have my cell phone next to me, waiting for a response from my 20 year old daughter who is in the midst of a painful break-up with her boyfriend. As a dad, I spend more time worrying about my kids than almost anything else. But it is a fine line between caring and smothering, and it is a fine line between worrying and over-reacting. I suspect that I cross those lines frequently.

Try to forgive your dad. More importantly, recognize that you have done nothing wrong. Nothing. It sounds to me like your dad is lucky to have you as a daughter.

lunar

Tetra, don't feel like a "criminal".
You were just being honest, that's that.

btw, what was the dessert?
I'm hungry!

Straightshoot

So good to see you here Tetra. My Dad was the same way. I would just nod and thank him for his concern and then do what I wanted to do. You have come so far, and you are not a failure. I hope you get your living arrangements settled more to your liking someday soon.

Tetra

Thanks for the replies.
It helps to know that I'm not alone.
I think my dad is also worried because I have a job interview tomorrow and the last time I had an interview I went off the rails and relapsed afterwards. That guy went through my CV with a red pen. Under 'Hobbies and Interests' I have 'watching movies' and I have written a particular movie which I enjoyed. He started asking questions about it and my mind went completely blank and I felt like a fool.

saoutchik

Good luck with your interview Tetra.

I know you already have a job but it's nice to have a choice (it's good to be wanted)

Aellyce

Hi Tetra.

I have a comment about the other part of your post. You have been sharing with us for a long time your struggles with your family members and typically claimed you can't go live on your own because you had no job to afford it. But you are saying you have work now... so have you considered renting your own place? I truly feel it would do good to you in a few ways, even though if initially a bit uncomfortable.

Good luck with the interview!