I'm upset with me
 

you know all I have to do is not drink. And last night someone came over and I got drunk with them.

I'd like to think I make rational decisions, but this is irrational. It makes no sense, its sick and sad. Its pathetic, I don't honestly know why I do this, I am going to lose everything and all I gained was a sad high.

I am at a very low point in life, I am so disappointed in me, I keep doing this and things get worse, but I don't stop. Its early, I need to pick myself up and start again, but this relapse hurts. Dumb, dumb, dumb, I let urges over take logic.

You know, I can and will beat this habit, anyone can, so many others have. I am still holding on to a bit of faith, tonight is crappy hanging my head low and listening to some music, but poised to make tomorrow good day.

Sorry to hear about your relapse. Do you think maybe you focused too much on staying sober for the fight and forgot that tomorrow was also going to happen and there might be the desire to drink?

I don't know NY, I've been trying to remain sober, but I keep being foolish. I try, but I guess I don't try

You need to change your life if you wish to change your habits. What did you think was going to happen if a drinking buddy showed up with alcohol? Alcohol never enters my house

TDG, you know, tomorrow never really comes, it is today that matters, here and now, this moment.

I know you know all the right answers and finding it difficult to follow them. That's not a criticism , I and lots on here did the same.

If you don't want to drink, just don't, no I'm not being flippant, it's very hard, I and thousands will agree, it's not a walk in the park. It's a white nuckle ride which many bale out , the fall being easier than the ride. I will testify to that.

I wish you well.

Was this person someone you've drank with before? If so, why not abstain from entertaining this person in the future?

I dunno what to tell you man.

I used to be great at talking the talk - I talked up a *big* game...

but when it came to action, I only did the bare minimum required, because deep down I was terrified of change. And I couldn't stand 'losing'. My pride was killing me.

I wanted all the good things I'd lost back...and to keep drinking.

You can't do that. Trust me.

You need to pick a side and then give it 100% commitment and effort.

I still say inpatient is your best shot at this.

I really think you need time away from trying to be all these things you want to be at once - father, husband, provider, wise man, everyones buddy, gambler, drinker - cos man - that's not working..

D

We were drinking friends, it was actually a very poor decision. I knew why they were coming, and knew what they would bring. The wife actually got mad at me and told me not too, I didn't listen.

I slipped last time due to someone bringing alcohol into my house. I got two sips into the wine before I freaked out and got rid of it. My rule is "no shoes, no booze" for my house now!

Keep your head up and figure out what will work differently this time :-)

Maybe it is time to listen to your wife 100% of the time and yourself 0% Part of surrender is allowing others to guide you

the wise one, she is over 70 days sober and loving outpatient. Melissa has the secret I just wish I could find it.

After last time i stopped posting in your threads because of this constant cycle

You need inpatient its been getting said for months

Ring them now if your serious about recovery this has gone on long enough i said to you last time if it happened again will you go rehab/inpatient

J i cant count the amount of times this has happened & it will keep happening until you go rehab/inpatient so whats it going to be

Jeremy you need help your incapable of staying sober ive known you close to a year you've been here nearly 2 years and look at your losses in that time

Please Jeremy i would love to see you sober but you have to take action

Take action today & stop this cycle please

it is a cycle its sick pathetic cycle. I don't know, I can't do inpatient insurance won't cover it, but will report to outpatient today and ask for advice.

Why would it cover it before when you were talking it up, and not now? :dunno:

In any case, Salvation Army would be free.
yes - I know it's six months...but really - how badly do you want change, Jeremy?

It's *not* a secret - I did (and do) everything in my power not to drink anymore.

Drinking is definitely the easy option - you have to stop looking for the easy options and the shortcuts, man.

you really need to decide who you want to be.
If it's sober, then you need to start pulling your weight.

There's no other way, bro.

D

The coverage change on me, the Salvation Army, yes that scares me, they told me they would take me and have beds, but 6 months, yeah thats a long time in my mind.

It might just save your life?

D

So what if its 6 months my sister just completed a 6 month rehab and has changed her life so do countless others every single day

I 10,000% agree with D

Jeremy your lying i hate to call it but its already been proven this is excuse after excuse after excuse

How can you say you want to be sober & wont do what is BLATENTLY necessary

(no reply needed)

soberwolf reminded me of the story about the boy who cried wolf.

Too bad you missed the fight huh. Were you feeling bad that you missed the fight to stay sober so you made up for it? I don't know what to say.

But saying this is new to you - it's early - is a bunch of crap. You are going into the late rounds having lost every round. You need a knockout to win.
Time to step up your game.

Dee is 1000 percent correct, I am going to go to outpatient today and tell them what happened and go to AA. i think its time i get a sponsor. I don't know about the salvation army....

I can't make you do anything you don't want to do man.

I definitely agree it's time to look at the options you will consider, and give them all the effort and dedication you have.

There's no reason why you can't get sober Jeremy. I did :)

D