shell

I am afraid to even go to sleep because that is when I have the dreams of using . I am desperately looking around on this site trying to find anyone with a few days even under thier belt to help me get through these first hours . Those hours after you have honestly made the decision that you no longer want to live in the insanity that is addiction. I find these to be the hours where I could go either way and the fact that my husband is also an addict makes me desperately seek strength from some outside source . There are no local meetings and I havent a clue where the closest one might be living in a relatively small town . If there is anyone out there please send your prayers and strength my way.. I promise to do the same in return. I just know that over the next week I may also be having to face ending a 13 year relationship because I would rather live alone with my kids than for my husband and I to die together , or even worse lose my children . thanks for listening

shutterbug

I am so glad for the decision you have made. Just know that you are not alone! You can do it! I believe in you.

Feel free to message me anytime. I tried to find you and even asked Morning Glory if she had heard from you, but you logged out before I could catch you. Sorry for that.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers.


God Bless,
Jenna

degadar

Shell, Hang on in there - it's hell but you're on the right path out of it. You just have to keep on going, keep on in that direction, and you WILL come out the other side.

I don't do prayers or have much excess strength to send, but what I can send, and do, is a mirror. A special mirror that shows the good, the real goodness, beauty, and strength you have, that will go with you as you journey out of the mess you're in. Take it with you, and treat with care. In fact, I want you to keep it until you come out the other side and then find someone else to pass it on to.

Have a look into the special mirror Shell, and tell me what you see. It doesn't lie.

Deg.

Dawn10

Shell,
I am sending prayers for you and reassurance that your using dreams are perfectly normal! I too, remember the fear that I experienced when I started dreaming I was using. My therapist assured me that it was normal and expected. They will decrease. In fact, I now have them only occaisionally, ( 6 years clean and sober) and when I do, I can attribute them to some stress in my life and it actually helps me identify what I am trying to not acknowledge and deal with it.
If there are no meetings in your area, do you have the option of driving to a larger area to attend some? Or can you afford therapy? If not, just keep posting here. There is always someone on this site willing to listen and respond.
Hang in there and take it one day at a time.

Anna

Hi Shell,

I'm glad you found us and welcome to SR!

As Dawn said dreams of using/drinking are normal in early recovery and they will go away. Congratulations on making the decision to stop using. I know the first few days will be very hard, but it will get easier.

Hang in there.

Love, Anna

CarrieSueBee

Shell,
You are so right to put your sobriety/clean life as top priority right now. Your KIDS need that. DO everything you can do to not loose your kids.

Try looking in the phone book for an NA or AA phone number. It may help to find some live person to talk to right now. IF you can't do that, stay logged on here. Just try to stay not-using for today. Just one day. One day at a time.
You have your priorities, and you can WANT to quit...but that is a only a start. You have to have some skills (tools) some resources to know HOW to quit. I think you have identified the problem, now you can actively seek the solutions.
Love to you and your kids, and to your husband too. May he someday soon see the benefits of a clean life.

JennieB

Hang in there. I will send a special prayer for you up to my Higher Power. The dreams are VERY normal especially in new sobriety. It takes time. I actually just had one about a week ago and I have over 3 years. I don't mind them because it keeps it green for me. Reminds me of what I used to be like.
Keep writing about it

Cangel

You are in my prayers. You can do it.