SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

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-   -   Breaking rules first time out here (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/366300-breaking-rules-first-time-out-here.html)

TheBob1 05-03-2015 06:27 PM

Breaking rules first time out here
 
SONOFABITCH!!!!!!

I just poured my heart out here after taking God only knows how long to work through the unnecessarily long and faulty registration process, only to try picking "tags" - I don't even know what they do - and get booted, losing all my carefully chosen, painfully expressed words. Great.

So then, my wife is a closet alcoholic and our marriage has sucked for many many years. It took my naive dumb ass a few or more years to figure out why we argued almost every night and why she was such an unloving and kinda distant Mom, again, especially at night.

I am sorry - I do not have the energy to do this again. Wife is alcoholic and early-teen son is paying for her "illness". Our family of three is suffering, but at this point, my life is probably short, so I am far more worried about my beautiful, young, only-son's long life ahead. I want him to be happy, but he is living in a home with more and more bitterness and I know he can feel it - and "Mom" doesn't mind "letting loose" her feeling sof discontent, b/c she has a good buzz on and will say whatever she damn well pleases, if you know what I mean.

I'm done... and promise to be less bitter and more reasoned and intelligent if anyone is kind enough to respond - and if I don't get booted again...

ScottFromWI 05-03-2015 06:35 PM

Sorry for your issues signing up here, glad you decided to post and it sounds like you have a very difficult situation at home. There is a sub forum here specifically for friends and families of those with alcoholics in their lives. Your situation is not unique...there are many here who have been through the same or worse, and they may be able to help you find a way to move ahead and find help for you and your son.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

PurpleKnight 05-03-2015 06:35 PM

Welcome to the Forum!! :wave:

Della1968 05-03-2015 06:35 PM

I am sorry for your situation. All you can do is change things for you and your child. Do you have some sort of diagnoses of a terminal disease or something? Just wondering about timelines and such. She won't change till she is ready. Sadly none of us do. Again I truly am sorry you are going through this.

Soberwolf 05-03-2015 06:56 PM

Hello & Welcome TheBob

Anna 05-03-2015 07:00 PM

Welcome!

I'm sorry for your situation. I hope that you take whatever steps you can to protect your son and also to take care of yourself.

DreaJean 05-03-2015 07:05 PM

Welcome! Sorry for the pain and worry you are in. Please visit the friends and family page as recommended, and also, look into Al-Anon meetings. I hope you will take the steps you need to for you and your child. Best wishes

TheBob1 05-03-2015 07:06 PM

Wow - many thanks to those who were so quick to reply... and apologies for the frustration. (I did try to edit, but there us a time limit)

Della, no diagnosis here, just FEEL old and have some family history of terminal illnesses - but I am fine. I have less expectancy though relative to my young son - the point I wanted to make.

I hope she wants to change soon, because I am not ready to wait any longer. I don't know what, if anything, I can do to that end, but I can tell you I don't want her ruining any more lives than her own with this!

Dee74 05-03-2015 07:58 PM

Hi and Welcome Bob - I know you'll find support understanding and encouragement here :)

D

Imabuleva 05-03-2015 09:47 PM

Welcome to SR!

Friends and family of alcoholics often take the brunt of the abuse whether the alcoholic is aware or not. You'll find lots of support here.

TheBob1 05-04-2015 08:54 AM


Originally Posted by Imabuleva (Post 5352341)
Welcome to SR!

Friends and family of alcoholics often take the brunt of the abuse whether the alcoholic is aware or not. You'll find lots of support here.

nonalcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals and alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior.

Well said!

SoberLeigh 05-04-2015 09:06 AM

Welcome, Bob, to SR. I am so sorry for what brings you here.

Fly N Buy 05-04-2015 09:18 AM

Al-anon
Alateen

https://www.google.com/search?q=alat...sm=93&ie=UTF-8

These resources might help in gaining some understanding for you and your son.

Glad you're here!

biminiblue 05-04-2015 09:25 AM

I just wanted to share in your frustration with posting. For some reason the site sometimes randomly logs me off - usually I can use my browser's back arrow to return to the post, then save it and sign back in. I don't know why the site does this sometimes - it's something new and annoying. I find just writing it out can be cathartic, so you probably did yourself some good just by typing it.

You don't need to tag your threads unless you want to, they are only for search purposes.

Welcome to the site, and sorry for the reason you are here. I hope you will find clarity and support and find a way out of her imposed reign of terror. You don't have to live this way.

gettingsmarter 05-04-2015 09:52 AM

Welcome TheBob1!

Jillian2563 05-04-2015 10:24 AM

You sound like you could be my husband. I almost thought for a second he had joined and it was him.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope things get better for you soon.

Thanks for your post. It is a wake up call for me. I'm back at sobriety again; I pray this is my last day "one". My son deserves better and I thank you so much for your post.

least 05-04-2015 10:30 AM

Welcome to the family. :) I'm sorry for the reason you're here but glad you joined us. I hope you are taking good care of yourself and your son. I'm sorry your wife is choosing alcohol over her family. :(

Do check out the friends and family forum for further insight from people who really understand. :hug:

TheBob1 05-04-2015 10:40 AM


Originally Posted by Jillian2563 (Post 5353189)
You sound like you could be my husband. I almost thought for a second he had joined and it was him.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope things get better for you soon.

Thanks for your post. It is a wake up call for me. I'm back at sobriety again; I pray this is my last day "one". My son deserves better and I thank you so much for your post.

Well, I hadn't intended to have THAT type of impact, but gosh, blessings indeed come and go out in the oddest ways, don't they? I am not one to use christian vernacular much, but it really fits here.

Thank you for sharing that with me. I'll pray too that this is your last "day-one". I wish you the best of luck in the world. I think my wife still needs to openly admit her problem an put both feet squarely outside the proverbial closet. Anyhow, if you give it a sincere try and your hub and son KNOW you are trying, I suspect they will be quite happy, maybe more relieved, but in fairness to them, probably a little skeptical. If so, I hope you prove them wrong this time! The proof is in the pudding, i.e.- sobriety is pretty easy to spot after a lot of intoxication. They'll "feel" the change.

Thoughts and prayers for you! Peace and tranquility be with you on your personal journey.

Jillian2563 05-04-2015 10:53 AM


Originally Posted by TheBob1 (Post 5353219)
Well, I hadn't intended to have THAT type of impact, but gosh, blessings indeed come and go out in the oddest ways, don't they? I am not one to use christian vernacular much, but it really fits here. Thank you for sharing that with me. I'll pray too that this is your last "day-one". I wish you the best of luck in the world. I think my wife still needs to openly admit her problem an put both feet squarely outside the proverbial closet. Anyhow, if you give it a sincere try and your hub and son KNOW you are trying, I suspect they will be quite happy, maybe more relieved, but in fairness to them, probably a little skeptical. If so, I hope you prove them wrong this time! The proof is in the pudding, i.e.- sobriety is pretty easy to spot after a lot of intoxication. They'll "feel" the change. Thoughts and prayers for you! Peace and tranquility be with you on your personal journey.

Thank you for the prayers. I know I can do it as I was sober during the month of March and got tangled back into this web of active alcoholism. I didn't think about how easy it was to get back into this situation.

Please do check out the family and friends section on this forum. And maybe even go to an Alanon meeting. I've been before and it was helpful. I do agree that your wife has to want sobriety but I also believe that if you do your research and encourage her to become sober, she may be open to your suggestions. Have you talked to her about this?

TheBob1 05-04-2015 11:01 AM


Originally Posted by Jillian2563 (Post 5353240)
Thank you for the prayers. I know I can do it as I was sober during the month of March and got tangled back into this web of active alcoholism. I didn't think about how easy it was to get back into this situation.

Please do check out the family and friends section on this forum. And maybe even go to an Alanon meeting. I've been before and it was helpful. I do agree that your wife has to want sobriety but I also believe that if you do your research and encourage her to become sober, she may be open to your suggestions. Have you talked to her about this?

Been a while since the topic was breached. Ages ago she said she was "working on it" and made it clear she didn't want me "checking in" about it. Made failure a lot easier to not have anyone paying attention.

When I bring it up now, she ignores me. Sadly, we have so little open comm. any more, it usually comes up in an argument - yes, teh worst way, I know.

I tried last week by noting how our SON needed his Mom to be "normal" and she got really angry and started all the defensive/counter-offensive moves again. Somehow we have gone considerably backwards.

Oh - I am planning to get to a meeting tonight. Fingers crossed.


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