two years in two days

Old 05-03-2015, 06:25 PM
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two years in two days

Probably going to ramble a bit. Heads up.

So I'm coming up on my two year sobriety anniversary, and I havnt been this challenged since i made the decision to quit drinking. I never went to AA or a therapist, I just quit. I drank pretty much everyday for twenty three years. The last seven years were bad. I was drinking at work, with my boss and coworkers all day, then would stop at the packy for a twelve pack and a pint of either whiskey or Ginger Brandy. Sometimes more sometimes less but I Always had to have at least that much or I wasn't getting to where I needed to be. And that was after drinking at the bar most of the day. How I never killed some poor family is beyond me. I actually rear ended a couple vehicles over the years but always got away with it somehow.
Anyway, Im really having a tough go of things lately lately. I'm on meds for anxiety and depression already, and while they keep me in check, I'm losing my ability to stay in control.
I'm constantly thinking about going back into the world I lived in for so long. I won't do it, I've made a promise to my sons, but damn if this is not constantly on my mind lately.
My depression has sank to new lows. Stress it at an all time high. I have a great job, two awesome boys and a wife that, we'll, put up with me for twenty years so I guess that's saying something.
When I sobered up I went into a shell. I cut contact with all my friends, all drinkers if not alcoholics, went completely introvert and tried to focus on healing. Now I'm finding myself alone, even tho I have a family. My wife, while supportive and extremely proud of what I've done, just dosnt understand what I'm going through. He'll, i dont..
Im on my phone and this is turning into something longer than I thought, I need a break. From a lot of things..
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Old 05-03-2015, 06:36 PM
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Welcome to the Forum!!
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Old 05-03-2015, 06:38 PM
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First off two years is huge! No matter the stress, anxiety and depression drinking isn't going to help you in any of those areas and you know this already. Life can sometimes be tough with tough times but booze can turn temporary issues into a lifetime of problems.

Your post already has so many great things in it like your sons, wife and job etc. I know some on here may disagree with what I'm about to write as I know sobriety should be for you and not or anybody else but if that was the case I would have drank again. Sometimes I stayed sober for my kids and wife and only for them. But hey it got me through another day sober. So if you think you can't do it for yourself do it for them as you promised your boys. Your wife needs her husband and your boys need their father. I can relate as I'm a husband and father and I have no where near two years sober. Keep your on the prize as two years is monumental!
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Old 05-03-2015, 06:41 PM
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Welcome Jeff. I'm about 2 years or so Into sobriery myself and also have anxiety issues. I had far worse anxiety drinking, and it did improve, but it never went away completely. I have been seeing a counselor and trying a lot of different things that seem to be helping . Have you seen a counselor for your depression and anxiety or did a GP prescribe the meds? Either way, maybe time for a change?

I can guarantee you that drinking will make it all worse though.....and I speak from experince. You would be amazed at how quickly it gets bad once you open the door again.
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Old 05-03-2015, 06:53 PM
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Hello & Welcome Jeffri congrats coming up to your 2 yr milestone nice to meet you
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Old 05-03-2015, 08:08 PM
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Hi Jeff I hope joining here and having people to talk to will help
Welcome - and congrats on 2 years
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Old 05-03-2015, 09:02 PM
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I always try to remember that in the end of my drinking days, alcohol wasn't the problem, it was the solution. The problem for me was anxiety and the solution was dealing with the anxiety by abusing alcohol. I'm somewhat introverted and this really causes a lot of problems for me socially. For a long time, alcohol worked great and then eventually it stopped working. Bad things started to happen. I had to really work on myself through therapy and other means to learn to deal with life head on and not try avoid dealing with anxiety through alcohol. I've had years of sobriety, but it only got easier with absolutely no desire to bring it back into my life once I started working on myself and how I respond to things that stress me out. Congrats on two years. I think that is fantastic and maybe you can step up your program and add things that will help you to happily stay on your sober path.
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Old 05-03-2015, 09:53 PM
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I'm glad you posted this. Quite inspirational and informative. I just posted wondering why only after a short time I'm not on easy street.
I dealt with and seem a lot of people in my work with depression. You've probably heard it before but after resisting for a number of years the best treatment is exercise. If you can't be bothered running or doing sports just try to walk - it's easy if it's ritualised like walking to work or something you do anyway. I use to bike ride on easy streets avoiding hills. If you can take up bike riding to work.
As far as becoming reclusive goes - it was going to happen. I actually tried to stay in contact with a few drinking buddies I thought were good mates. I didn't have to leave them behind. After they failed to convert me back to the drinking life they disassociated themselves from me. No loss I suppose.
If you want an easy Social club try something like AA. You'll find a few like yourself there. I'm atheist and it doesn't seem to matter. If someone preaches god I just politely ignore it. I went to a few different groups but I only go to the one weekly meeting with the most interesting people now. A few try to say I should be going most days at this early stage but like you I have a family, life and better things to do so I use it to suit myself and social networking is a bit of that.
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Old 05-03-2015, 10:13 PM
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Hi Jeff and welcome. Congratulations on your upcoming 2 years, also.

I understand what you're going through. Since becoming sober I haven't known really who I am but have gleaned so much from others like myself.

My husband, who hated what I'd become with drink, just accepts I'm sober now. He doesn't know what's inside me but then again I didn't with him for the years I drank.

It does take some getting used to, this sobriety but I'm sure you know, like the rest of us, it is worth it.

I didn't understand what recovery meant of the sober and recovery but I'm learning fast. I haven't used any other help except here.

I went to an AA meeting years ago but only cos my husband was getting fed up with me, not cod I wanted to stop drinking at that time.

I just wanted you to know you're not alone and most of the people on here know and understand what you're going through.
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Old 05-03-2015, 10:17 PM
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I don't have the insight the other posters on here have. I have nowhere near the length of sobriety that you all do.

But, I feel like I see these threads from time to time. Somebody who has achieved sobriety, done "well", and at some point down the line starts questioning what it's all about. It may be 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years...

I would give anything to be in your place.

To me, you are heroes. You really are. Time heals pain, and at times I think you may have forgot how painful addiction is. Jeff... it sounds like you have some issues many of us have. But unlike many of us, you now have the ability to face them with a clear head. You have done what so, so many others haven't been able to do - you have gotten clean. You can definitely start addressing the other factors. There is no question you have the strength to do it.
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Old 05-04-2015, 05:49 AM
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I just wanted to jump on quickly and Thank each of you for your support and words of encouragement. It means a lot, even though we don't know each other personally and I've only posted once. I don't do AA or therapy. It was hard enough for me to start seeing a GP before I cleaned up, and I tried a therapist once, I'm all set.
Anyway I'm at work and don't have much time just wanted to say Thanks! I'll drop in later for more
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Old 05-04-2015, 06:14 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

Congratulations on 2 years sober.

I know that dealing with anxiety and depression is not easy. I hope you can find some healthy ways to manage this. Have you tried meditation or yoga or an exercise routine?
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Old 05-04-2015, 10:30 AM
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Hi Jeff. Two years is such good going, isn't it?

There's a lot of good tips already offered here, i see...but I thought I'd contribute my two cents woeth, and add - that mindfulness truley does help many people ease their stress and anxiety levels. And no need to go through a gp or the mental health services if you dont want to. I notice you're in Portsmouth...maybe you could google when you have time MBSR or MBCT classes? And just have a look...These are Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction or Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy programs that run over 8 weeks in a small group. No need really to talk much or socialise with the group if you don't want to... The classes help with a daily practice that really pays benefits. There's lots of research and evidence based info on-line you can read for yourself if you want to.

It would be such a shame to risk going back to using alcohol after you've done so boomin well for something ( your stress and anxiety) that has other solutions. I hope of some help anyway...
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Old 05-04-2015, 11:45 AM
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jeffRI, I am coming up on 2 years as well, and I have not attended AA, treatment or therapy. I have relied mostly on SR as my support system.

And while I would NEVER go back to where I was when I was drinking, some of those underlying issues of stress, anxiety and sadness still have to be addressed. When I struggle, I go through a mental list of what might be making my symptoms worse. Am I exercising enough? Am I sleeping ? Do I need a medication adjustment? Do I need to talk with a counselor?

If you are having issues, sobriety alone won't make them all go away. You need to address the issues. But, know this: alcohol won't help the issues that still nag at you - it will make them worse. So, go ahead and make your own list of things that you might do to address your symptoms. But leave alcohol off that list.
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