i need your help
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi Jalyn,
Responsibilities and it being hard to find time for myself are what led me to becoming alcoholic. I thought I had to do everything for my children and husband and be there all the time. In the process I completely lost myself and became totally vulnerable to the lure of alcohol. I so wish I had made time for me.
You are not alone and you'll find lots of support here.
Love, Anna
Responsibilities and it being hard to find time for myself are what led me to becoming alcoholic. I thought I had to do everything for my children and husband and be there all the time. In the process I completely lost myself and became totally vulnerable to the lure of alcohol. I so wish I had made time for me.
You are not alone and you'll find lots of support here.
Love, Anna
just j
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: chicago,illinois
Posts: 174
Thank you all so much for your advice and support. I know that I have a problem and need to make it a priority to get well. I keep blaming myself for not being stronger and not being able to have self control. I know that many will say that it is not about control. I am a very Type A person who controls about everything. (smile) I am beginning to believe that if this could be controlled then I would sure be controlling it as well. I will keep coming here and try to figure out the online meetings. I will work on the courage to actually go to a meeting.
I can't imagine never drinking again. My husband and I attend so many social type things that involve it and entertain here as well. I seem to be a normal social drinker in those types of situations. It is mostly when I am home alone and the kids are in bed that I seem to drink too much. I am not making excuses, just trying to figure it out. I have tried to cut back or just drink at certain times and it works for awhile and then it seems that I always go back to old habits.
Thanks again for the support. Jalyn
I can't imagine never drinking again. My husband and I attend so many social type things that involve it and entertain here as well. I seem to be a normal social drinker in those types of situations. It is mostly when I am home alone and the kids are in bed that I seem to drink too much. I am not making excuses, just trying to figure it out. I have tried to cut back or just drink at certain times and it works for awhile and then it seems that I always go back to old habits.
Thanks again for the support. Jalyn
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Hi, jalyn,
I never had more than a single drink in social situations. Seriously! I was very responsible, concerned about drunk driving, didn't want to 'lose control' in front of other people. I just made up for it as soon as I got home!
Take a look around you at the next social situation, and you will probably notice other people not drinking. It's a fact that a sizable minority of Americans do not drink at all, for reasons ranging from their religious beliefs, to preference, to having made a decision that alcohol is not right for them.
You aren't joining a secret society by becoming a non-drinker. You're just someone who doesn't drink, like many, many others. Your host or hostess will have options for you, and having a plan in mind whereby you immediately go to a non-alcohol drink is an important first step in avoiding alcohol in public.
I also couldn't imagine not drinking. I call it 'fear of sobriety'--so a good question is 'what are you afraid of? What will you be missing if you don't have alcohol in your body and in your life?'
So, here are some questions you might find useful to answer for yourself, as a way of enhancing your motivation to choose abstinence:
BENEFITS OF USING:
What is it I like about my compulsive habit?
What good does it do for me?
What am I afraid my life would be like if I did not engage in this behavior?
What bad feelings (anger, frustration, stress, depression, etc.) does this
help me deal with?
What positive feelings does this behavior make even better?
How does my compulsion help me to cope better?
How painful would it be to stop engaging in this behavior?
To what extent does this behavior ease or reduce physical pain or discomfort?
How concerned am I about experiencing urges or cravings?
How scary are my cravings?
How often and how much do I like to test my control for excitement (see how
close I can come to the edge or how much I can drink or use)?
How much do I enjoy the high?
What exactly about the high do I like?
How much does this behavior help me socialize comfortably and fit in with
others?
How much do I need this behavior in order to feel normal?
What does feeling normal mean?
How much do I use this behavior to help me cope with conflicts with others?
How much do I use to get back at others, society or the world? To show I
can do what I want?
How much do I like the thrill or excitement of using?
BENEFITS OF QUITTING:
What is it I dislike about this substance or activity?
How does it harm me (be specific)?
What am I afraid my life will be like if I continue to engage in this habit?
How much more productive will I be once I give up my obsession? How much
more time, energy and stamina will I have?
How will my health improve when I quit?
How much more money and success will I have?
How much will my self-respect and the respect of others for me increase?
How much more self-discipline, patience and power over my life will I have?
How much more clearly will I think?
How much will my memory improve?
What legal problems will I avoid?
How will my relationships and sex life improve?
How much better will I feel in the morning?
What pleasures will I experience that are difficult or impossible now? How
will my appearance improve?
How much longer will my lifespan be?
How will my driving improve?
How much will my alertness and concentration improve?
How can I obtain the advantages of my compulsive habit in more effective,
less costly ways?
I never had more than a single drink in social situations. Seriously! I was very responsible, concerned about drunk driving, didn't want to 'lose control' in front of other people. I just made up for it as soon as I got home!
Take a look around you at the next social situation, and you will probably notice other people not drinking. It's a fact that a sizable minority of Americans do not drink at all, for reasons ranging from their religious beliefs, to preference, to having made a decision that alcohol is not right for them.
You aren't joining a secret society by becoming a non-drinker. You're just someone who doesn't drink, like many, many others. Your host or hostess will have options for you, and having a plan in mind whereby you immediately go to a non-alcohol drink is an important first step in avoiding alcohol in public.
I also couldn't imagine not drinking. I call it 'fear of sobriety'--so a good question is 'what are you afraid of? What will you be missing if you don't have alcohol in your body and in your life?'
So, here are some questions you might find useful to answer for yourself, as a way of enhancing your motivation to choose abstinence:
BENEFITS OF USING:
What is it I like about my compulsive habit?
What good does it do for me?
What am I afraid my life would be like if I did not engage in this behavior?
What bad feelings (anger, frustration, stress, depression, etc.) does this
help me deal with?
What positive feelings does this behavior make even better?
How does my compulsion help me to cope better?
How painful would it be to stop engaging in this behavior?
To what extent does this behavior ease or reduce physical pain or discomfort?
How concerned am I about experiencing urges or cravings?
How scary are my cravings?
How often and how much do I like to test my control for excitement (see how
close I can come to the edge or how much I can drink or use)?
How much do I enjoy the high?
What exactly about the high do I like?
How much does this behavior help me socialize comfortably and fit in with
others?
How much do I need this behavior in order to feel normal?
What does feeling normal mean?
How much do I use this behavior to help me cope with conflicts with others?
How much do I use to get back at others, society or the world? To show I
can do what I want?
How much do I like the thrill or excitement of using?
BENEFITS OF QUITTING:
What is it I dislike about this substance or activity?
How does it harm me (be specific)?
What am I afraid my life will be like if I continue to engage in this habit?
How much more productive will I be once I give up my obsession? How much
more time, energy and stamina will I have?
How will my health improve when I quit?
How much more money and success will I have?
How much will my self-respect and the respect of others for me increase?
How much more self-discipline, patience and power over my life will I have?
How much more clearly will I think?
How much will my memory improve?
What legal problems will I avoid?
How will my relationships and sex life improve?
How much better will I feel in the morning?
What pleasures will I experience that are difficult or impossible now? How
will my appearance improve?
How much longer will my lifespan be?
How will my driving improve?
How much will my alertness and concentration improve?
How can I obtain the advantages of my compulsive habit in more effective,
less costly ways?
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
originally posted by Jalyn:
You only have to quit for today. I often find myself freaking out about the future--there is no reason to. All I need to do is not pick up a drink today. I will worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. That's what they mean when they say "One day at a time."
Hugs--
I can't imagine never drinking again.
Hugs--
just j
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: chicago,illinois
Posts: 174
Don brings up several good points in the questions. I did not drink when I was pregnant with any of the children and certainly did not miss out on anything. I gave it up for lent this year and felt great. There are just too many times that I am alone and choose to drink and drink too much that has me worried. I will try the online meetings first and see how I do then look into meetings in a couple of towns over. I am sure they are everywhere.
It is a big step for me just to do this online. It is a big accomplishment for me to even admit that there is a problem.
Thanks again, Jalyn
It is a big step for me just to do this online. It is a big accomplishment for me to even admit that there is a problem.
Thanks again, Jalyn
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: California
Posts: 26
Congratulations on acknowledging that you have a problem. It took me a long time to realize that I have the same problem. Like you, I did not drink while pregnant, completing college, while at work etc. So I thought that I was in control. I often made excuses for myself to continue drinking. I began blacking out, but didn't even know what that was until I started visiting this website. I've only been sober since 8/18/04 and so far, I don't feel fabulous, I don't look fabulous, and I feel like drinking everyday; the only difference now is that I don't. I can't guarantee you that I'll never drink again, but I guarantee you that I won't drink today. This webite and its members have brought me such encouragement and strength. The first and second day that I was sober, I attribute my success to the SR members. Once I announced my sobriety, I could not imagine logging on the next day to announce that I had faultered; though I have not doubt that the SR members would have picked me up, dusted me off, and held my hand again. You've found a great group of people. We're all here to listen and help. Keep posting. Take one step at a time. And don't drink today.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by StacySun
I can't guarantee you that I'll never drink again, but I guarantee you that I won't drink today.
I make that choice every day.
And it seems to be working for me.
And Don, just want to thank you again for your insight.
Old and in the Way
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: High and Dry
Posts: 789
Originally Posted by Jalyn
I am very scared to go to AA because someone may know me.
God bless, and good luck.
Joe
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi Jalyn
I am a little late in welcoming you aboard...
Welcome
what a blessing that you are questioning your drinking.
I am an alcoholic who waited too long to question my drinking,
like you I used to do my drinking after my son went to bed.
You do not have to let it get any worse, I pray that you will do what your heart tells you.
So glad you are here.
I am a little late in welcoming you aboard...
Welcome
what a blessing that you are questioning your drinking.
I am an alcoholic who waited too long to question my drinking,
like you I used to do my drinking after my son went to bed.
You do not have to let it get any worse, I pray that you will do what your heart tells you.
So glad you are here.
just j
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: chicago,illinois
Posts: 174
Thank you all so much for your heartfelt words!
I love what Stacy said about not being able to guarantee for a lifetime but for today. Those words really helped. I can stop for today. I can. I am.
Is there somewhere on the site I can go to get help on how to use some of the features, like what does member mean under names and stuff? Also, what is the quick message do?
thanks again, Jalyn
I love what Stacy said about not being able to guarantee for a lifetime but for today. Those words really helped. I can stop for today. I can. I am.
Is there somewhere on the site I can go to get help on how to use some of the features, like what does member mean under names and stuff? Also, what is the quick message do?
thanks again, Jalyn
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Originally Posted by Jalyn
Is there somewhere on the site I can go to get help on how to use some of the features, like what does member mean under names and stuff? Also, what is the quick message do?
This link will take you to the Troubleshooting board, where you can post any questions you have.
In the blue navigation bar at the top of the page, you'll see a button called "User CP". That takes you to your control panel, where you can do your profile inputs and change your settings, such as the "member" status, etc...
Not sure what you mean by "Quick Message"... There's a Quick Reply message field available for just that reason, and there are also Private Messages, or PMs, available between members.
And of course, the ever present Smilies
Have fun!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
hI,
I am an alcoholic:addict mother of four (in recovery) even if someone knows you at a meeting, please remember they are probably there for the same reason, don't be ashamed of wanting sobriety....KEEP POSTING;
Indigo
I am an alcoholic:addict mother of four (in recovery) even if someone knows you at a meeting, please remember they are probably there for the same reason, don't be ashamed of wanting sobriety....KEEP POSTING;
Indigo
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