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roller coaster day

Old 05-02-2015, 10:59 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Sorry you had a tough day and took people so personally.

I too have really struggled with those 'justified' resentments, so I do feel for you. It is so important to work through resentments (even when they are justified) and kick them to touch - because if we don't do so, they pose a threat to our sobriety.

I have recently added this to my morning meditations to help me deal with the things that I know I could easily get resentful over as my day progresses (I adapted something I read that was attributed to Mother Teresa. Since then I've seen it again, attributed to someone else, so I'm not sure of the actual source)..

God. help me to accept that people may be unreasonable and self-centred. Let me forgive them anyway.
Help me to accept that if I am kind, people may accuse me of ulterior motives. And let me be kind anyway.
Help me to accept that if I find happiness, people may be jealous. And let me be happy anyway.
Help me to accept that the good I do today may be forgotten tomorrow. And let me do good anyway.
Help me to accept that I may give the world my best, and it may never be good enough. And let me give my best anyway.
God, help me to remember that it is between you and me. And it was never between me and them anyway.


I also try to use the resentment prayer as soon as I feel that fizzy, bubbling, heat of a resentment forming. It is surprising how much it can help. It's a bit like one of those carpet stain removers though. I often think it's worked first time and forget about it, but as time passes I realise it's still there and needs a second application. Or a third, or a forth, It always works in the end though...

God, I have a resentment towards X that I want to be free of.
So I am asking you to give X everything I want for myself.
Help me to feel compassion; understanding; and love for X.
I pray that X will receive everything the need.
Thank you God for your help and strength with this resentment.

(You can feel free to insert expletives and use derogatory pet names for them if you feel the need. It will still work the same).
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Old 05-02-2015, 11:09 AM
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Thanks guys, I needed that. All your responses means a lot. I really don't like posting a new thread because you never know what you'll get, but it helps. Not much of a attention seeker. Would rather stay in the back of the room like I do at AA meetings and absorb the wisdom. Reaching out is very hard for me. Thanks again for your support. John
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Old 05-02-2015, 11:19 AM
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Glad that you're feeling a bit better.
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Old 05-02-2015, 11:22 AM
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It's just lonely out there. Very happy to have what I have, but a knock on the door or a phone call would be nice. Really nothing to complain about. Based on what other people have to deal with, I am in a good place. Sometimes, I think about the movie The Breakfast Club, where the girl says that her issue is being ignored or something like that. Being a shadow has it's advantages. John
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Old 05-02-2015, 11:40 AM
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Maybe go to a meeting - not ideal, or the same as someone calling for you, but it's be safer for your sobriety to not be alone for too long feeling like you do at the moment.
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Old 05-02-2015, 12:01 PM
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Just want to feel normal. Normal sounds like a good place to be. Dealing with everyday things should not be a struggle. Dealing with things should not be not be a big deal, but it is to me . Don't get it. John.
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Old 05-02-2015, 02:03 PM
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That's understandable. I found that after finishing my Step 4 work things did start getting more 'normal' if that's what we're calling it (I tended more towards 'Miraculously-Manageable' compared with how I had always felt before).
Have you spoken to your sponsor about how you're feeling? It might be worth getting together and focussing in on some of the resentment work. Only a suggestion though - feel free to ignore it. I know you're feeling a little delicate and by no means want to upset you, and I'm conscious of the fact that I'm REALLY tired and should probably have an early night (shopping with my mum and stepdad broke me . They have far too much energy for people in their 70's - although him accidentally pulling the emergency cord in the cafe toilet instead of the light-pull was a bit of a highlight when 3 people leapt out of the kitchen and service area and went running to help. Bless him - he's a good man, but can drive me a little insane - has helped me so much though, so I'm not complaining).
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