Telling people I am sober and their reaction
 

4 1/2 months sober

Went to a retirement party today for a co-worker from a few jobs ago, so I hadn't seen many of them for years

Drinking came up, I told them I don't drink anymore and hadn't for months AND THEN....

All the talk went to "remember the time u were so drunk and (insert some stupid thing)" .... and "once the kids get older you will start again" ...

Is that a normal reaction?

I was naturally a bit embarrassed but quickly reminded myself that that person was so very sad and is no longer around and not who I am anymore.

I enjoy being sober. I enjoy EVERYTHING so much more.

Just curious. Would love to hear your thoughts....

It happens, can't escape the past but you can distance yourself from it. I know I don't want to be that person anymore.

That's too bad they spoke to you like that regardless of what happened...but you sound very sure-footed, glad to hear that!

Sounds like a very rude reaction to me. Personally, I generally don't get into conversations about drinking or not drinking. I've been sober for years now and have only told maybe three people the real skinny on why I stopped drinking. The rest don't need to know. Why give people you haven't even seen for years the power to judge your life?

And if someone ever told me that one day I would start drinking again, I would walk away from them and never come back.

Just some food for thought,

I've had both but not very often - usually by people who know me, but not closely.

Brush it off Suzie - you're doing great :)

D

Hi Suzieq,

In my experience, that is not a normal reaction. Those that are close to me fully support my decision and would never hold my past behavior over my head, and those who are acquaintances usually just say "oh okay" and move onto a new topic. Is it possible this person struggles with addiction, themselves? I remember when I was still actively drinking and someone would say they stopped or don't like to anymore, I would mentally make some sort of argument for them drinking in the future... Because if some random person stopped for good, why couldn't I?

At any rate, I hope you get understanding responses in the future :) You should give yourself a pat on the back for being able to remind yourself of who you are now and brush that person's comments off. I hope someday soon I am that strong :)

That was a very common occurrence when I got sober. I did so very publicly in a small town where everybody knew me. It was difficult in early sobriety until I was finally able to understand that these people weren't alcoholics. They really had no concept of what it was like. Many of them believed I just decided to quit drinking one day and that was that. Once I was able to realize that they weren't judging me, but that they just had no way to understand how difficult it is for an alcoholic to quit, then it stopped bothering me. But it probably took a year to reach that point.

About 14 months into sobriety, my closest friend that I had known since I was 3 years old asked me how much longer I wasn't going to drink. I told him I was shooting for forever. He seemed shocked and said "But it seemed like it was so easy for you to quit." I told him "Quitting drinking isn't the hardest thing I've ever done, it's the only thing I've ever done." And he got the point.

Getting sober seems like a constant battle at first but it's mostly fought within your own mind. I used to think it was very evident to everyone who I came into contact with how much of a struggle it was for me. But it's mostly invisible to casual acquaintances.

I've found that the semi-bad antics get trotted out in conversations - I sometimes feel they're trying to put me in my place for rejecting them (old drinking buddies) but maybe they're just trying to reach out in a alcoholic kind of way. Funny though - people who know the worse stuff tend to keep those things quiet (to my knowledge anyway).

Lighter drinkers are always shocked by the forever aspect of it and come out with the 'but surely you can have one at Christmas / your Birthday / my Birthday / Easter / New Year / a Wedding / when you go out for a meal / on holiday / at the weekend'. I've accepted that they really cannot EVER understand it - and lucky them for that. It's why I love the fact that I can come on here or go to an AA meeting and talk to people who are sober, but also understand.