veryready | 04-30-2015 04:02 PM | Just been lucky 2 1/2 years, or close to it. That's how long it has been since I sat in my car logging into SR for the first time. I remember it was snowing and it was a Monday night. I was waiting for the kids to come out from a thing they did on Mondays. It's right next door to a drive up liquor store. Every time I dropped them off there I would do the mental gymnastics about whether or not I would get something to drink. I couldn't imagine not drinking when there was going to be a football game on TV, but I had finally had enough. I had found SR and decided it was finally time to log in and see if I could finally get free from the exhausting cycle I was in. The hangovers, hiding bottles, rotating stores, making believe I was a beer connoisseur. Lots of making believe and feeling like crap most of the time.
Its never easy. I have always said I was lucky, but I can relate to anyone who has always had a hard time having one drink. At this point, that is how I describe my drinking to anyone who cares. I just could never have one. So, no matter what changes in my life, I know that will never change. Super glad to be sober and that's is the only way it can ever be for me. Sure, there are things that will be hard for weeks or months, but I can tell you that after this amount of time, you can just become a non-drinker. Nobody will care whether you drink or not. There won't be any peer pressure. You will have moved on, and believe it or not, you will find other things to build your life around. There are good days and bad days, but at least I can respect myself with a clear head. If I fail, its just me failing or being a dope, the way god made me and I think other people respect that.
I remember staying logged in until late most nights for the first few months. Checking in with my class and seeing the comments from Dee. Dee is the best and he knows. Listen to Dee! Thanks Dee and all the other sober people who give so much time here to help us all. At some point, we get sober and kind of move on a little bit, but I will never forget how hard it was and how much this site has meant to me.
Be well. One day at a time, or one minute at a time if that's what it takes. Its worth it. |