Sensitive issue
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Originally Posted by ArtFriend 
She has no interest in my life...I am just the sounding board.
If you can't hold a proper conversation with me, and instead can only talk about yourself, then what's the point of the friendship? It's just basic energy, and you need a proper balance of give & take, or else it just won't work.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I have a contrary view to the advice above, unless of course she poses a very great and immediate danger to your sobriety and/or well being. If she does then self protection is most important.
If she poses no severe and immediate danger, then I think you should ask yourself an important question. Ask yourself if you have done everything you can to change how this tortured soul experiences the world. She is in so much pain that she has trouble thinking of others (you for example) and is obsessed with hate for those who she believes have caused her great pain.
Is this the sort of person you want to "unfriend" and refuse calls from? Have you done everything you can to help?
Consider saying something like this.>>>>>>>>>>>> "Hey, ya know I have been having difficulty recently because of all the negativity I hear when we talk. I understand how angry you are with your siblings, but you seem to be stuck on wanting revenge. Frankly I don't agree with revenge as a solution, and it's hard for me to listen to. Listening to the negativity is not good for me. I'd like to help you find a better solution to some of these problems. How can I do that?"
The ball is then in her court. If you are confident that she understands what you are saying, and she does not change the way she approaches the problem, THEN you might be at the point where you cannot help.
Can you honestly say you are there yet?
Be the change you want to be.
If she poses no severe and immediate danger, then I think you should ask yourself an important question. Ask yourself if you have done everything you can to change how this tortured soul experiences the world. She is in so much pain that she has trouble thinking of others (you for example) and is obsessed with hate for those who she believes have caused her great pain.
Is this the sort of person you want to "unfriend" and refuse calls from? Have you done everything you can to help?
Consider saying something like this.>>>>>>>>>>>> "Hey, ya know I have been having difficulty recently because of all the negativity I hear when we talk. I understand how angry you are with your siblings, but you seem to be stuck on wanting revenge. Frankly I don't agree with revenge as a solution, and it's hard for me to listen to. Listening to the negativity is not good for me. I'd like to help you find a better solution to some of these problems. How can I do that?"
The ball is then in her court. If you are confident that she understands what you are saying, and she does not change the way she approaches the problem, THEN you might be at the point where you cannot help.
Can you honestly say you are there yet?
Be the change you want to be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
I like awuhs suggestion. Or you can say, "can we talk about another topic, about the positive things going in our lives?" Asserting yourself can be hard, but just suddenly blocking her and cutting her off without explanation is pretty harsh. Give her a chance to see how she impacts others and see how she responds.
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