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When do you start to recognize yourself again?

Old 04-29-2015, 09:33 AM
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When do you start to recognize yourself again?

Hi and I apologize in advance if I am posting this in the wrong place. Feel like if I don't get it out, I won't and I just can't keep it down anymore.

Where to start.. I was in love. Massively in love. I think for the first time ever. At least it felt that way. All of the insecurities that come with relationships were never felt in this one. I was confident. Felt like his queen. He would call me several times a day to check in - see how my day was, tell me about his. Then something changed. One day in June he told me he was depressed. He told his doctor, who prescribed anti depressant. After months, he told me he thought it helped, but he still felt depressed. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. Went with him. Sat in the session and offered my feedback when the doctor asked. Told her he did drink. Sometimes we got drunk, but it certainly wasn't a regular occurrence, which it wasn't. She diagnosed him on his first visit with a form of bi-polar and put him on the second to highest dosage she could, with abilify. He started taking it. Wasn't agreeing with him, but when i tried to tell him to come off, he wouldn't listen. He started drinking. ALOT. All the time. His behavior became erratic. He became hyper sexual.. Would call me to have phone sex and talk dirty to me. At first, I didn't know what to think, so I ignored it. Then it was something that was always prevalent. He called me one day in September and told me he was going to go for a drink next door after work with his partner. While he was there, he was texting me regularly telling me he was talking to his partner about me and how much he loved me and I changed his life. He would call me when he got home. I told him to stop texting me and have fun with his partner. They had been stressed at work and he seemed like he was in such a good mood. Then 52 minutes later, I got a text saying he just had sex with a couple in the alley behind the bar. We broke up. He told me a week later, he was raped by them. Was fully supportive of him, called rape lines to try to understand better, and one thing after another, the lies started to unfold. There was no couple. He wasn't raped. He wasn't being blackmailed. He was on a date with someone else 6 days after we broke up. Somehow, months past, he was texting me regularly, fighting constantly, and he texted me from a hotel (he was there with a client who he took on a conference to Miami) telling me he just had oral sex with a guy. One thing after another. I would stop writing. He would write to tell me he was thinking of me. The only thing I was certain of was something had to be wrong.. How could i not have seen it. In May of last year, we booked a vacation together. Things had gotten better and we were going to go together. We are fighting now because I had a fight with him and told him he needs to prove to me he's glad he's back.. He doesn't understand. I don't understand. I love him with all my heart and I feel like such a MORON. How could I still be in love with him? Why can't I walk away? Do I really value myself that little? My world was shattered and I can't seem to get out of this nightmare.. worse yet, I am not sure I want to. I just want to wake up and have him be the him he was before the anti depressants. Sorry to ramble so much.
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Old 04-29-2015, 10:51 AM
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Hi Crushedinil,

1st things 1st, you do need to look after yourself. I'm not sure what your current living arrangements are from your post but it might be better(especially for you) if you and him were apart until he sorts himself out. If he is having sex with other people that does mean he, and so you would run the risk of contracting STD's.

Unfortunately I know nothing about Ability ( I am a recovering alcoholic) but you might find more knowledgeable people in the Narcotics section of the website.

It also has a Friends and Family thread where you will find people in a similar position to yourself.

Sorry I couldn't be more constructive
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:20 AM
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Crushedinil ,
So how long has this relationship been going on ?

Sounds like 9 months of madness to me . For a few expressions and laments you seem to be swallowing an awful lot mess from this character.

I don't know your age … but i assume if you're young enough you'd like children and to get married ? Does this seem like a good idea with this guy ?

Seems to me you might be in love with the idea of this person rather than the reality of what they are putting you through .

It's your decision of course but i'd be very wary of investing more into this madness .

Take care of yourself first,
m
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:26 AM
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I've been in similar situations, no need to get down on yourself there r many reasons why people settle for less tHan they deserve. Is there a DV center in your area? Talking with a trained counselor may help.
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:28 AM
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He sounds like he spent know who he is. If I were my kid id say run. Get away from him.
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Old 04-29-2015, 11:40 AM
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I understand that you loved this man and that you wanted to be with him when he was the person you first met. Since then, you have seen erratic and irrational behaviour from him. He has treated you poorly. You know that leaving and staying away is the right thing to do for you. It's possible that counselling would help you through this.
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Old 04-29-2015, 02:02 PM
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It's hard to walk away from the dream and the promise of the person you fell in love with initially. But he isn't that person. He is exactly what you are seeing him to be right now. That person isn't a nice person at all. He's lying to you. He's manipulating you. He's putting you at risk of sexually transmitted diseases because he is having sex with other people. Every time you walk away he throws out a little hook to draw you back into the chaos.

Whether he understands how his behavior impacts you is totally beside the point right now. What he is doing IS impacting you. I'd suggest seeing a counselor to talk this through. This is not going to cause anything but continued pain for you. And honestly, blaming it on anti depressants sounds like a cop out. I don't think for a second that the anti depressants are to blame. I think that when he knew you were in love with him and wouldn't likely leave, his true colors started showing. Please don't beat yourself up. Take care of yourself.
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Old 04-29-2015, 02:19 PM
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Welcome Crushedinil youl find a lot of support here have you checked out SR's friends & family section

Nice to meet you
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Old 04-29-2015, 02:24 PM
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I'm sorry to hear all of this!! Take time to yourself with no contact seems like the best that could happen for you!!
Assess everything
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Old 04-29-2015, 04:26 PM
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I was in love and in a similar situation very recently. Even when I realized I was being manipulated and mistreated I stayed with her and still loved her anyways. I haven't contacted her in a little under a month and it has taken me awhile to feel myself. I still feel a void just as I did when I quit drinking and smoking. But having completely avoided contacting her I realized how much energy I put into helping her get sober, being supportive of her bipolar disorder and trying to relate my own bipolar disorder and sobriety to her. I spent every ounce of energy trying to pull her up. I lost myself and my own interests in this. I was so used to having my interests put aside for hers that I felt quite unimportant and lost when I got out of the relationship. Now I struggle to enjoy life and am trying to put my energy into productive activities in the mean time. I do feel like I have been slowly returning to myself after struggling greatly. I have been on Abilify recently myself. It is an anti-psychotic used as a mood stabilizer for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia and is usually used in concert with an antidepressant. I can say it made me quite depressed but don't blame the meds or allow him to blame the meds. I am still responsible for my own actions and it is a cop out if I try to blame the meds for anything I do. I hope you keep coming back on here and posting as this place has been a great support for me. I hope you realize you deserve to be treated better than this.
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Old 04-29-2015, 05:16 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through this. It takes a year to really know somebody and judge whether they are a match. It sounds like he is not the guy for you.
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Old 04-29-2015, 05:58 PM
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I agree with a lot here but especially what Ruby2 said. AND... if he doesn't understand what this treatment is doing to you... well, that, alone, means there is something seriously wrong with him.
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Old 04-30-2015, 10:57 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Crushedinil!!
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Old 04-30-2015, 01:17 PM
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Yep , I agree! That boy dun spun some gears up top! Run really fast....In the other direction!
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