Looking for guidance
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 4
Looking for guidance
I know there are many situations worse than mine and I am just looking to see if this is the problem that I think it is or if I just need to do my own thing. Wife drinks 2 bottles of wine 4-5 nights a week. She's not out partying, she's not driving, it is all done right here at home. It's like if she starts, she can't stop until she is wasted. If we go to dinner & she has a glass or 2 with dinner, she finishes it off at home. It has been many years since she has had a glass or 2 & stopped. No one really knows how much she drinks except me. I think it is a problem. Not really anyone I can ask without a boat load of questions so thought I would post here.
Thanks!!
Thanks!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Johannesburg, Gauteng, South Africa
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by JC0512 
I know there are many situations worse than mine and I am just looking to see if this is the problem that I think it is or if I just need to do my own thing. Wife drinks 2 bottles of wine 4-5 nights a week. She's not out partying, she's not driving, it is all done right here at home. It's like if she starts, she can't stop until she is wasted. If we go to dinner & she has a glass or 2 with dinner, she finishes it off at home. It has been many years since she has had a glass or 2 & stopped. No one really knows how much she drinks except me. I think it is a problem. Not really anyone I can ask without a boat load of questions so thought I would post here. Thanks!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 108
This sounds just like me and my husband. All I can do is suggest that you support her how you feel she needs it. My husband just went to my first AA meeting with me this evening. That being said he has been trying to get me to go for over a year. I can not begin to tell you how many times that I hit what I thought was rock bottom only to see that my well could keep getting deeper. Try to be honest with her, tell her how her drinking is affecting you and that you are there for her in whatever way she needs it. Try to avoid yelling and pointing fingers I know that personally that only made me more upset and just lead me to hide my drinking.
Good Luck, please know that its only know that I can see that my drinking has affected more than just me.
Good Luck, please know that its only know that I can see that my drinking has affected more than just me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Oh wow! Your wife has an affinity for wine just like I do! 
I started to go downhill quickly about a year before the alcohol intake that you described your wife ingesting. After a year, I was drinking two bottles. I got sober and when I took up drinking again, my addiction came back with a vengeance. I returned to drinking at a more severe level of addiction than I left off. I think you will find nearly everyone here will say the same thing. Addiction is progressive and unfortunately, somehow your brain has no trouble finding the bookmark.
I am a pragmatic person and I was only convinced by the seriousness of my addiction when I read studies that showed how addiction affects neurology and changes how your brain functions. It becomes harder to resist. Addicts cannot (or have a great deal of trouble) stopping once they start. This is a potentially lethal situation.
I never, ever drove drunk. Not once. I did all of my drinking at home. One day after I woke up in the morning from drinking two-bottles' worth, I saw a full glass of wine that I was too tired to drink. Hair of the dog. That was literally the moment I progressed to a day drinker.
You are justified in your concern. We will all agree with you that what you describe sounds an awful lot like what we used to do. The problem for you is that you cannot do this for her. If you could do it for her, I am sure she would love for you to do it for her. Addiction is not only rooted in selfish, irresponsible behavior, it is often rooted in severe avoidance, an inability to self-soothe, lack of self-acceptance and a low tolerance for frustration, stress, happiness, anger - or any uncomfortable or overwhelming feeling.
You know your wife better than anyone and are one of the few people who can determine if it is a problem. By posting here, you did a good thing. Most addicts are exceedingly secretive and I would have nearly died from embarrassment if my husband asked somebody who knew me for advice. It is obvious that you love her and care about her, so I would start from there. I would recommend approaching her about your concerns.
We are always here for her, too, if she needs to talk to someone.
Welcome to SR!
I started to go downhill quickly about a year before the alcohol intake that you described your wife ingesting. After a year, I was drinking two bottles. I got sober and when I took up drinking again, my addiction came back with a vengeance. I returned to drinking at a more severe level of addiction than I left off. I think you will find nearly everyone here will say the same thing. Addiction is progressive and unfortunately, somehow your brain has no trouble finding the bookmark.
I am a pragmatic person and I was only convinced by the seriousness of my addiction when I read studies that showed how addiction affects neurology and changes how your brain functions. It becomes harder to resist. Addicts cannot (or have a great deal of trouble) stopping once they start. This is a potentially lethal situation.
I never, ever drove drunk. Not once. I did all of my drinking at home. One day after I woke up in the morning from drinking two-bottles' worth, I saw a full glass of wine that I was too tired to drink. Hair of the dog. That was literally the moment I progressed to a day drinker.
You are justified in your concern. We will all agree with you that what you describe sounds an awful lot like what we used to do. The problem for you is that you cannot do this for her. If you could do it for her, I am sure she would love for you to do it for her. Addiction is not only rooted in selfish, irresponsible behavior, it is often rooted in severe avoidance, an inability to self-soothe, lack of self-acceptance and a low tolerance for frustration, stress, happiness, anger - or any uncomfortable or overwhelming feeling.
You know your wife better than anyone and are one of the few people who can determine if it is a problem. By posting here, you did a good thing. Most addicts are exceedingly secretive and I would have nearly died from embarrassment if my husband asked somebody who knew me for advice. It is obvious that you love her and care about her, so I would start from there. I would recommend approaching her about your concerns.
We are always here for her, too, if she needs to talk to someone.
Welcome to SR!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Sounds like my mom, except I'm guessing she drinks quite a bit more than your wife. She prefers red wine herself, because she heard from somewhere that a glass of wine is healthy for you. A glass might be, but her 4 or 5 bottles in one night definitely isn't.
No real advice, except to talk to her about it. There's nothing you can do to make her stop, unless she wants to stop for herself. Not for you, not for your marriage, but for herself.
No real advice, except to talk to her about it. There's nothing you can do to make her stop, unless she wants to stop for herself. Not for you, not for your marriage, but for herself.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
The Friends and Family section of this forum is a great place to check out as well as here - welcome!
I was a wine drinker too and I think it's great that your wife has someone that cares and is supportive like you.
I was a wine drinker too and I think it's great that your wife has someone that cares and is supportive like you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 4
I have talked to her, but not often. She was going to stop & get treatment a year or so ago but then never followed up. I don't bring it up often but every couple months or so. Since I started reading up on the subject, everything I have read says not to continue to bring it up.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
