Being Totally Honest to Everyone about your drinking
 

What are your opinions on telling your friends, family and work about your alcoholism?

The owner of my company knows I have a problem with alcohol. So do several of my friends. My family doesn't know. My foster parents and biological parents are both alcoholics.

My in laws drink (non alcoholically) and I just can't find a way to stay sober when I'm around this poison. I just can't do it. I've been at this for a freaking year, and still can't get more than two months sober.

I'm a 28 year old guy, and I'm sitting here typing this crying my eyes out. There has to be a way out of this hell.

I've tried the AA thing, AVRT, therapy, I've tried doing stuff on this site. I'm not looking for criticism, I'm venting. I'm just looking for a life where I can stay away from this poison and quit killing myself.

If being honest with absolutely everyone about it is what you need... then do it.

Bottom line is that we must do whatever it takes to support our sobriety.

If you're continuing to struggle, you must ask yourself - what have I NOT tried? What have I held back? What have I been unwilling to let go of? What is standing in my way......

Then change those things.

And keep at it... it is SO WORTH IT.

:ring

I think the telling people thing is a seperate issue.
It's not like telling everyone will keep you sober if you don't want to be.

Sure it would be easier if everyone else looked after our interests and dashed the drink out of our hands very time we were tempted but thats not tenable, and it doesn't address the core questions.

What keeps you coming back to drinking Justin? and what are you going to do about it?

I'm not asking in a provocative way - you really need to think about this

There's some help here on working out a recovery plan:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

D

The only suggestion from this site I haven't followed is reliably posting here for an extended amount of time. I don't know what rock bottom is, but damnit I gotta be close right now...

Willpower is what's missing. I have known for year I cant moderate and it's taken over my life. I have no question in my mind that I can't drink. Period. Every time someone sits there and drinks around me, I leave.

I'd never breathe a word of it at work. My family knows. Three friends know. I don't feel the need to tell anyone else. I've thought about sharing with a few friends, but they have never seen me drink and would be shocked, I'm sure. I don't seen what I'd gain by telling anyone else right now.
But, if I was in a situation and there was some expectation that I should join in the drinking, I might have to explain the situation so that they'd see the whole picture.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. I wouldn't tell your work. If you want to take time off for tending to getting sober, tell them you need personal time.

As for telling anyone else, what do you expect to gain by telling people? I would first approach people who will be and can be supportive. I wouldn't broadcast it to the world at large. People don't always understand. Be cautious but do reach out.

You can do this even though it seems impossibly painful. One day at a time. Fill the void of support by coming on here and maybe look into real life support. Maybe AA or similar. People who can help you navigate. Hang in there.

There is a way out Justin. The problem lies within ourselves though...no one can "make" you drink any more than they can make you quit. The key is to unconditionally accept that you can never, ever pick up that first drink....no matter what. If that means avoiding people who are drinking at first so be it.

It going to take hard work on your part too. You come with good intentions but don't follow through with your plans. YOU need to change that pattern. If that means going to aa 3 times a day every day at first, then so be it. If that means seeing a counselor, then so be it. Maybe it even means rehab...outpatient or inpatient?

No one is destined to drink...not even you.

Every one of us has to learn to be around drinkers Justin.

I don't think your problem is a lack of willpower - I mean, you keep drinking despite the many times you've had horrible detoxes. That's some pretty sturdy will there.

Maybe acceptance is the key here?

Acceptance that your life needs to change...acceptance that you anmd alcohol will always be a toxic mix, and acceptance that it's the first drink that does the damage, not the last?

D

Most of us cannot do this with willpower alone Justin. If you keep waiting for it to come most likely you will be stuck in the same cycle forever.

That's where all the different recovery methods and tools come in. That s where having a sponsor and AA numbers to call comes in
That's where spending lots of time here comes in
That's where rehab comes in.

All of those and many more help where willpower cannot.

Well, I'll just get this detox over with and while I'm feeling like crap, I'll try to figure out a better plan.

Were here to help you with that plan if you like.

It was a three day binge, so so far the detox hasn't been rough. It was three days too many. and a mistake I can't make again.

So what do you think you can do differently this time so you don't make the mistake again?

I need to stop and reflect on it when the cravings hit instead of just saying "It'll be fine" and picking up. I need to spend a couple months away from booze as much as possible.

I have an unofficial sponsor who was addicted to crack and benzos (weird combo I guess), and has lived successfully free from drugs over a year. I've called him a couple times, and we have chatted about our addictions. It helps a lot. Maybe that reinforces the need for me using this site.

I'm not sure if a recovering crack addict will help a recovering alcoholic though.

I kept going back to drinking until I finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. :)

I second and third the notion that it isn't willpower you are lacking. I thought that I was relapsing because I was lacking willpower, too. It was a relief to find out that it was much simpler than that. I was lacking tools.

I spent all of my effort on berating myself instead of being practical and learning from my mistakes. 100% of the times I relapsed were due to a lack of plans or lack of planning.

Stay in touch during your detox. :)

If I wasn't so riddled with guilt, shame and remorse when I first found out I was truly alcoholic, I would have kept quieter and recovered anyway.
There's honesty and there's being smart or wise about it.

However,
For me, what worked later on about MY drinking was I had to get honest with myself that I will never ever ever be able to drink "normally" ever ever again and I had this messed up drinking issues from day 1 of drinking "officialy" when started working at 16 and paid for my own drinks. 35 years, trying to learn how to get the drinking game right. It never happened.

I had to "get it" that the way my body deals with alcohol is different and could no longer deny this fact.
Once I honestly accepted the facts about my own drinking that it will go out of control no matter what I try, then that is one of the first boxes ticked so to speak, of the start of removing the obsession about my drinking. The lying stopped cos I ran out of excuses and "sorry" no longer cut it with anyone I knew.

At first I was seeking approval for all my "mistakes" in the past due to alcohol by telling many that "hey look at me, I'm sober and blah blah"
Sure I was honest, but no one gave a damn cept my parents.
I wish I kept it quiet and just said "not drinking today" type of thing when around family and old drinking buddies. Looking back there was no need to explain anything, as long as I don't pick up the first drink things did get better but it's taken a while and still a long way to go to wherever the sober living takes me, I know today is another sober day and there are no problems to deal with that are alcohol or drug related.

I'm nowhere near the serene sober living I see in others at AA meetings, but hey, I get through the door looking forward to cuppa tea or coffee with others who have accepted the fact that we cannot drink normally. To these people I am more honest and open if need be and so are they cos most are on the same page.

The willpower thing wasn't enough for me either. For me, it felt a bit isolating and when that alcoholic voice popped up, I felt like I didn't have anywhere to turn that really understood.

We are similar ages - I'm 27 years old and I'm newly sober. The recovery plan link D shared is a good one. Honestly, up until recently I feel like I'd been white knuckling sobriety and clinging on. I attend AA meetings for the community, read a lot about addiction, post here and often attend community drug and alcohol addiction meetings too. I do a bit of a mixture of things and it works for me, and I know you can find the right path for you :-)

Hey justin,

I'm really sorry you're struggling.

Do not tell your work anything from here on out. The less they know the better. I'll be honest. I am amazed at how many people want to tell their bosses. This totally baffles me. I was so scared of my bosses finding out, it was a top three reason for getting and staying sober.

Even if your bosses did/do know, never speak of it again and just let them get to know the new you - the non-drinker.

That's one of the biggest benefits of getting sober, alcohol never affecting my profession anymore.