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Any gay guys (gals) from Philly?

Old 04-28-2015, 06:50 PM
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Any gay guys (gals) from Philly?

I've met a couple awesome guys from Philly, but navigating the gay community is a unique beast. Every time I find an activity that looks like a good alternative to the bars, it's followed by "cocktails at Tabu."

I'm happy to talk to anyone on here - gay, straight, local, from wherever - but I'd love to meet someone who knows what it's like to reinvent your sober self in the gay community. In Philadelphia, even better.
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:00 PM
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Gay people suck. Don't worry, I'm gay myself, so I'm allowed to say that.

Not exactly the greatest long-term relationship material though, eh? Then again, I believe many straight couples I know would have broken up by now if it wasn't for their kids, so whatcha gonna do?
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:10 PM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
Gay people suck. Don't worry, I'm gay myself, so I'm allowed to say that.

Not exactly the greatest long-term relationship material though, eh?
LOL I've kicked a few to the curb who were. Unfortunately I was looking for a drinking buddy at the time and didn't realize what I had. Still kicking myself over one in particular. They're out there.
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:28 PM
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I have lots of lgbt friends in recovery if you want an introduction. The sober gay community in Philly is strong.
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:29 PM
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Originally Posted by philly76 View Post
LOL I've kicked a few to the curb who were. Unfortunately I was looking for a drinking buddy at the time and didn't realize what I had. Still kicking myself over one in particular. They're out there.
Yeah, I know, eh? Just got to put yourself out there, and meet the right person eventually.
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Old 04-28-2015, 07:30 PM
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Im a Gheeyyyy but from UK always welcome to chat
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Old 04-28-2015, 09:00 PM
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I was wondering how being sober would work with gay life as well. There are lots of terrible articles on the internet that I kept reading. It became a lot easier when I stopped triying to live in all the labels. I'm not just a sober gay alcoholic.

I had to find new hobbies and get involved in old passions. I had to figure out what I wanted out of life as a person. What did I have to do to get/stay sober.

Honestly, I was such a scene guy while I was drinking I don't really miss it. I find people a lot more I enjoyable when we have more in common than the fact we are gay. New scenes are out there to be explored.

We are everywhere, I think you will find plenty of guys when you know what really makes you happy. And hey there is always grindr if you just want to meet a nice boy for coffee.

(In DC not Philly)
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Old 04-29-2015, 01:46 AM
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Originally Posted by philly76 View Post
LOL I've kicked a few to the curb who were. Unfortunately I was looking for a drinking buddy at the time and didn't realize what I had. Still kicking myself over one in particular. They're out there.
I don't know, but I think it'll be a cold day in hell before I think joint bank accounts & credit cards are a good idea again, or I let someone become dependant on me. Did that twice now. If you want to be with me, you better have a damn job. Oh, and no snobs who look down on others either.

With gay relationships, it seems the first year is great during the infatuation period. After that, it's all downhill. I know of 2 gay couples who have lasted more than 3 years, and that's it.
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Old 04-29-2015, 02:38 AM
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I've known several gay people with 20 year + relationships .

I certainly think me and mex-m8 are best friends as well as lovers . 18 months and i feel closer to him now than at the start .

Both of us were very content with being single so the only reason for being together was to be greater than the sum of ourselves .

For myself i think having separate finances is cool and wouldn't consider mixing them . I've gambled in the past with my discretionary spend, so i think it's good for him to keep himself separate from me . Especially if i ever started drinking again … I'd like him to feel free to leave any time he likes and that he has the means to do that without too much complication .

Sobriety has taught me you just don't know whats round the corner if you keep sober, glory in and try and make the best of each day .

If me and mex-m8 split up good luck to him, we had fun , my life would still be glorious, fun and sober i hope .

I dunno how long you've all been sober for but maybe there is more than we know in this world than we can appreciate from where we are in our journeys ..
Keep on .

Take care , m
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Old 04-29-2015, 02:52 AM
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Hey Philly... Email if you want to continue our conversations.
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Old 04-29-2015, 03:49 AM
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Originally Posted by mecanix View Post
If me and mex-m8 split up good luck to him, we had fun , my life would still be glorious, fun and sober i hope.
Exactly my point. Like it or not, gay people don't make good long-term relationship material. If they did, they wouldn't think, "if we split up, no big deal, and good luck to him".

How can I possibly deeply invest into a relationship with people of this mindset? I can't. That's the thing with gay people. It's kinda, "let's hang out as long as it's fun, but when the going gets tough or boring for me, I'm outta here", type of thing. That's not something I can invest my soul into. Did twice before, several years each, and got deeply hurt both times.
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Old 04-29-2015, 04:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Dean1978 View Post
Im a Gheeyyyy but from UK always welcome to chat
I'm the only gay in the village though!

Just kidding, though I've bummed a lot of fags in my time. Before I gave up smoking....
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Old 04-29-2015, 04:50 AM
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I know more than a few gay couples that have been in long term relationships. Gay relationships are like hetero relationships, they vary, they can be great, problematic, each is unique. Gay people are like heteros... Unique individuals.

Don't feed the stereotype and do yourselves a disservice. It's hard enough to educate people as it is...
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Old 04-29-2015, 05:09 AM
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Troy ,
My experience as a drunk lead me to believe it was all hopeless and a lot of self critical negativity fed back into my view of the world and tainted all that i saw and heard .

My experience sober teaches me you just don't know and to have faith and hope for the future , keep humble , keep happy and you just don't know whats possible ..

I'm not sure what those gays think or do, i know only my experience and a happiness, confidence and contentment i never knew existed in my dissolute life has come about in recovery / sobriety .

My point is that i just don't know, haven't got a clue and i'm fine and happy with that.

You might have proved your point about something in picking up on what i said but i'd ask to what end ? Will it keep you sober ? will it make you happy ? Do you think it's going to change, have an effect or bother me ?



Take care , m
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Old 04-29-2015, 08:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Axiom View Post
I was wondering how being sober would work with gay life as well. There are lots of terrible articles on the internet that I kept reading. It became a lot easier when I stopped triying to live in all the labels. I'm not just a sober gay alcoholic.

I had to find new hobbies and get involved in old passions. I had to figure out what I wanted out of life as a person. What did I have to do to get/stay sober.

Honestly, I was such a scene guy while I was drinking I don't really miss it. I find people a lot more I enjoyable when we have more in common than the fact we are gay. New scenes are out there to be explored.

We are everywhere, I think you will find plenty of guys when you know what really makes you happy. And hey there is always grindr if you just want to meet a nice boy for coffee.

(In DC not Philly)
I used to live in DC. Cool town. I loved it until I got priced out of Columbia Heights. I kinda miss my ghetto :P

But yeah, I think I get you. I'm trying to reconnect with my old interests. Or at least pinpoint the moment I strayed into booze and find the stuff that gratified me when I was sober. Getting older sucks.
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Old 04-29-2015, 08:22 PM
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Originally Posted by TroyW View Post
I don't know, but I think it'll be a cold day in hell before I think joint bank accounts & credit cards are a good idea again, or I let someone become dependant on me. Did that twice now. If you want to be with me, you better have a damn job. Oh, and no snobs who look down on others either.

With gay relationships, it seems the first year is great during the infatuation period. After that, it's all downhill. I know of 2 gay couples who have lasted more than 3 years, and that's it.
I know some who've lasted, some who haven't. How they've lasted is another story. I never want an "open relationship." But I'm not remotely concerned about that now. I can really only think about friendship right now.

I know I started this thread because of the unique nonsense that slips its way into the gay community, but I'm open to friendship with anyone who understands that.

As far as dating goes, sober or not, I've never been hunting for a crutch. I want someone as strong and weak as I am in our own unique ways. I'm not going to take care of someone and I don't want to be taken care of. And I'd rather be single than settle.

In a lot of ways I think gays (men or women) have an advantage in that we're free from the confines of social expectations: "get married by 25 and have two kids by 30." We can find someone that truly makes us happy without satisfying requirements.

But at the same time, a lot of us guys look for perfection that doesn't exist. Just because our parents aren't pushing us to carry on the family name doesn't mean we're going to find a fairy tale. We have to establish rules and boundaries from scratch. And I think that's where a lot of gay relationships fall apart.
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