One day down and scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
One day down and scared
Yesterday was my first full day sober. It was hard, but I did it. I am now hoping to get another day under my belt. The longest I have stayed sober in the past 10 years in 2 months. Lately I have been spiraling out of control and can't seem to make it a day without a drink. I am a bartender, so this makes it even harder. I also am alone a lot. I live in a pretty remote place. No cell service but I am lucky to have internet..alcohol helps me not be so lonely. I really would like to find a different way and not feel hopeless anymore. Alcohol has taken over my life for so long that it just feels normal at this point. I am always drunk or hung over. Regret and shame are just normal daily feelings. The last time I was on SR was the 2 months I managed to not drink. I really want this and need support. Thank you and I hope you have a great day!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome back, CeeFarro,
Shame and guilt are a big part of addiction and it's often what keeps us addicted even when we want to stop. Stopping means facing those emotions and working through them and that can seem overwhelming at the outset. But, trust that you can do this. You do not need to feel hopeless. We do understand how hard this is.
Shame and guilt are a big part of addiction and it's often what keeps us addicted even when we want to stop. Stopping means facing those emotions and working through them and that can seem overwhelming at the outset. But, trust that you can do this. You do not need to feel hopeless. We do understand how hard this is.
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Hi Cee,
Good to see you! I'm newly sober and one thing that's been interesting for me is what to do with my time. You said you live alone and have quite a lot of downtime. For me, I have got back into reading since I was always too drunk to finish a sentence let alone a book and I've been going out walking a lot, which kind of helps me get some headspace.
This is a great place and there's lots to read. I look forward to seeing you around :-)
Good to see you! I'm newly sober and one thing that's been interesting for me is what to do with my time. You said you live alone and have quite a lot of downtime. For me, I have got back into reading since I was always too drunk to finish a sentence let alone a book and I've been going out walking a lot, which kind of helps me get some headspace.
This is a great place and there's lots to read. I look forward to seeing you around :-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome back Ceefarro! If you made it two months in the past, you can do it again. You have the tools to make this happen.
It's not easy, but the outcome is so worth all of the effort you will put into it.
Lean on us as much as you need and then lean on us more!
We are here to support each other.
Stay strong and congrats on getting through day one.
It's not easy, but the outcome is so worth all of the effort you will put into it.
Lean on us as much as you need and then lean on us more!
We are here to support each other.
Stay strong and congrats on getting through day one.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 1,277
One full day is a really great start. Certainly not easy. im starting fresh today so I really appreciate your post. It's strange how alcohol seems to feel a void yet it leaves us lonelier than when we started. thanks for sharing and keep posting 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
I hate working at the bar. I don't hang out there, I just work and drive home about 30 miles away and drink alone. My husband is gone most of the year for work so I am very isolated. It is so beautiful where I live and I have my dogs out here with me..I know I can't stay sober long term working there but I'm taking it one step at a time right now. Tonight will be hard. I just need to make it through until tomorrow. That is all I want right now, this minute. I am tired of not caring if I live or die on the inside and pretending to be something else on the outside. It is exhausting. Thank you everyone for your comments and support. It helps more than you know..It means everything right now
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,086
Originally Posted by CeeFarro 
I hate working at the bar. I don't hang out there, I just work and drive home about 30 miles away and drink alone. My husband is gone most of the year for work so I am very isolated. It is so beautiful where I live and I have my dogs out here with me..I know I can't stay sober long term working there but I'm taking it one step at a time right now. Tonight will be hard. I just need to make it through until tomorrow. That is all I want right now, this minute. I am tired of not caring if I live or die on the inside and pretending to be something else on the outside. It is exhausting. Thank you everyone for your comments and support. It helps more than you know..It means everything right now
See if you can get out in the fresh air with the dogs maybe tomorrow? I find getting out helps me a lot with my new sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kooskia, Idaho
Posts: 406
I drove all the way to town and went to the gym this morning, came home and laid in the sun with my pups. While in town I almost stopped in the liquor store but kept driving instead. Going into work at 6. Tonight will be busy, we have our weekly pool tourney. My regulars know tomorrow is my day off so they have gotten in the habit of leaving me a bottle on the seat of my car so when I get off work I can go home and drink..I normally really appreciate it but I am not looking forward to it tonight. I wish I could trust myself, my hands are still shaky and I would love to take the edge off but I really really want to ride this out! Waking up tomorrow without a hangover is my goal
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Hi CeeFarro
When I first started my quest for sobriety, I forced myself to get up early (5:30am) and go to the gym. At first, I hated it. But as I dried out, I found it gave me more energy and a better sense of well being (less anxiety) to get through the day. It also helped me the night before not drink cuz workouts and hangovers don't mix for me.
What was once a tool for sobriety is now a normal part of my daily routine. Maybe something you can hang your hat on, too?
When I first started my quest for sobriety, I forced myself to get up early (5:30am) and go to the gym. At first, I hated it. But as I dried out, I found it gave me more energy and a better sense of well being (less anxiety) to get through the day. It also helped me the night before not drink cuz workouts and hangovers don't mix for me.
What was once a tool for sobriety is now a normal part of my daily routine. Maybe something you can hang your hat on, too?
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