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One day down and scared

Old 04-28-2015, 09:51 AM
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One day down and scared

Yesterday was my first full day sober. It was hard, but I did it. I am now hoping to get another day under my belt. The longest I have stayed sober in the past 10 years in 2 months. Lately I have been spiraling out of control and can't seem to make it a day without a drink. I am a bartender, so this makes it even harder. I also am alone a lot. I live in a pretty remote place. No cell service but I am lucky to have internet..alcohol helps me not be so lonely. I really would like to find a different way and not feel hopeless anymore. Alcohol has taken over my life for so long that it just feels normal at this point. I am always drunk or hung over. Regret and shame are just normal daily feelings. The last time I was on SR was the 2 months I managed to not drink. I really want this and need support. Thank you and I hope you have a great day!
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:01 AM
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Welcome back, CeeFarro,

Shame and guilt are a big part of addiction and it's often what keeps us addicted even when we want to stop. Stopping means facing those emotions and working through them and that can seem overwhelming at the outset. But, trust that you can do this. You do not need to feel hopeless. We do understand how hard this is.
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:09 AM
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Don't be scared

Be brave

Don't think more than an hour ahead.
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:10 AM
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Good luck CF I'm on my first day so right behind you..
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:11 AM
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Hi Cee,

Good to see you! I'm newly sober and one thing that's been interesting for me is what to do with my time. You said you live alone and have quite a lot of downtime. For me, I have got back into reading since I was always too drunk to finish a sentence let alone a book and I've been going out walking a lot, which kind of helps me get some headspace.

This is a great place and there's lots to read. I look forward to seeing you around :-)
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:12 AM
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Welcome back! I hope the awesome support here can help you get sober for good.
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:24 AM
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Welcome back to SR. What Anna said about shame is true for me too. Staying in "one day at a time" was what worked best for me. Stick close.
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:28 AM
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Welcome back Ceefarro! If you made it two months in the past, you can do it again. You have the tools to make this happen.

It's not easy, but the outcome is so worth all of the effort you will put into it.

Lean on us as much as you need and then lean on us more!

We are here to support each other.

Stay strong and congrats on getting through day one.
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Old 04-28-2015, 10:55 AM
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One full day is a really great start. Certainly not easy. im starting fresh today so I really appreciate your post. It's strange how alcohol seems to feel a void yet it leaves us lonelier than when we started. thanks for sharing and keep posting
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Old 04-28-2015, 11:16 AM
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Good luck. I do not think I could stay sober while working at a bar, but I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 04-28-2015, 11:19 AM
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It's great you came back. Any thought to changing careers? I'm sure many of your friends are there etc but it will definitely make your journey harder to be serving it up all the time.
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Old 04-28-2015, 11:27 AM
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I'm really glad you came back Cee. I hope you'll stay with us - we know you can get your life back. Keep posting - we're with you.
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Old 04-28-2015, 12:30 PM
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I hate working at the bar. I don't hang out there, I just work and drive home about 30 miles away and drink alone. My husband is gone most of the year for work so I am very isolated. It is so beautiful where I live and I have my dogs out here with me..I know I can't stay sober long term working there but I'm taking it one step at a time right now. Tonight will be hard. I just need to make it through until tomorrow. That is all I want right now, this minute. I am tired of not caring if I live or die on the inside and pretending to be something else on the outside. It is exhausting. Thank you everyone for your comments and support. It helps more than you know..It means everything right now
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Old 04-28-2015, 12:38 PM
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Welcome bk & nice to meet you CeeFarrow
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Old 04-28-2015, 12:39 PM
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Originally Posted by CeeFarro View Post
I hate working at the bar. I don't hang out there, I just work and drive home about 30 miles away and drink alone. My husband is gone most of the year for work so I am very isolated. It is so beautiful where I live and I have my dogs out here with me..I know I can't stay sober long term working there but I'm taking it one step at a time right now. Tonight will be hard. I just need to make it through until tomorrow. That is all I want right now, this minute. I am tired of not caring if I live or die on the inside and pretending to be something else on the outside. It is exhausting. Thank you everyone for your comments and support. It helps more than you know..It means everything right now
minute by minute then hour by hour if it helps you stay sober :-)

See if you can get out in the fresh air with the dogs maybe tomorrow? I find getting out helps me a lot with my new sobriety
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Old 04-28-2015, 02:25 PM
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I drove all the way to town and went to the gym this morning, came home and laid in the sun with my pups. While in town I almost stopped in the liquor store but kept driving instead. Going into work at 6. Tonight will be busy, we have our weekly pool tourney. My regulars know tomorrow is my day off so they have gotten in the habit of leaving me a bottle on the seat of my car so when I get off work I can go home and drink..I normally really appreciate it but I am not looking forward to it tonight. I wish I could trust myself, my hands are still shaky and I would love to take the edge off but I really really want to ride this out! Waking up tomorrow without a hangover is my goal
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Old 04-28-2015, 02:34 PM
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I am glad you are here with us, CeeFarro. Stay strong. Get through the day. You will be so proud of yourself in the morning.

Good luck.
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Old 04-28-2015, 03:46 PM
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Welcome back

D
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Old 04-28-2015, 04:20 PM
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Hi CeeFarro

When I first started my quest for sobriety, I forced myself to get up early (5:30am) and go to the gym. At first, I hated it. But as I dried out, I found it gave me more energy and a better sense of well being (less anxiety) to get through the day. It also helped me the night before not drink cuz workouts and hangovers don't mix for me.

What was once a tool for sobriety is now a normal part of my daily routine. Maybe something you can hang your hat on, too?
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Old 04-28-2015, 04:32 PM
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Welcome back and well done on your first day !!
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