Frixion

Drank two ciders last night.

Nonsensical

I missed the pre-update update. Is that more or less than you were supposed to drink?

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Frixion. I think last time you were here you were heading out on a camping trip...did something happen between then and now?

Frixion

Nothing happened that triggered it. Just randomly decided to start listening to my AV when I was stressed out from regular life bs. I was convinced I was going to teach my self how to drink properly. Even now I'm having trouble with those thoughts. I know alcoholics have no control over alcohol, but I keep wondering if I can teach myself. Ugh.

Frixion

I've been sober for 75 days yesterday so drinking anything destroys that streak.

LBrain

well Frixion, if you've ever seen a steeplechase, early sobriety is kind of like that. People sometimes fall or stumble but they get back up and stay in the race.

MarathonMan

Back on the horse frixion. 2 deinks is a tiny relapse, put the breaks on now and dont let it turn into a really damaging bender.

ScottFromWI

I had the same problem for years. The quest for moderation was my holy grail, but no matter what i tried it always failed. I even tried the official "moderation management" program. It made so much sense, until it didn't.

For me, spending a lot of time here reading about others experiences, reading the big book and attending some AA meetings early on were very helpful in teaching me to accept my addiction. When I tried to fight it I always lost - but when I surrendered/accepted that I simply am not capable of drinking "normally" , and that I never, ever will be, things really turned around.

Nonsensical

I did that for many years. One day I realized that learning to drink properly wasn't nearly as important to me as it was to my AV.

Anna

Frixion, you still have the positive experiences of the 75 days sober. You can move on, but I do think it's important that you try to figure out a healthy way to deal with the AV when it pops up.

Tang

I have a habbit myself of dipping my toes in the water. I may even keep dipping in moderation for a time. But I know something happens in my brain even after the first toe dipping, and like a magnet my body is drawn to alcohol and it becomes difficult to disconnect (mentally and physically). The real trick is a fool proof plan to avoid that first sip.

JaneLane

75 days is brilliant and the AV voice can really pop up despite being unwanted!

You're here which is great, and there's so much information on how the folks here deal with the AV :-)

MJane91

Frixion... Its okay your on a journey and sometimes life does get to much and your automatic response would be to drink like mine would be to but every day you keep fighting and saying no you will get stronger.

Dont beat yourself up about it just remember start again and keep positive were all here for you

Soberwolf

You can do this Frixion have you got a plan

ESD907

Take something from your error and move on.