Della1968

Sometimes things aren't offered to us and we have to seek them out ourselves.

DreaJean

I too attract people who seem to cross my boundaries and I'm always late to the NO, and end up mad at them and myself. I either get angry and overreact and push people away and take the blame, or feel like I just rolled over to another thing I didn't want to be doing, and bam, I was relapsing. I do think finding a good therapist, and paying for it can actually be pretty difficult, I've been there, BUT, going back to AA this week even has really helped me. Today, I found myself with the angries again, and the AA meeting really helped. They are free! Hope you feel better soon!

ESD907

I Have triggers. I recognize them now. And I run from them. It's what I do to cope I no longer go to certain stores or restaurants. People? No. I never had drink buddies. So that does t do it for me. For me it was more emotional. Or the feeling of being alone. Even though I always had people around. I had to realize who I am. I accept me. That was big. I'm not the life of the party. Never will be. I'm just a boring human. Who likes to read. And do puzzles. When I accepted that my sobriety came more easily.

Iconoclastic

I’m assuming what you mean by “triggers” is in the context of responding to life where the desire to drink / use or other self – destructive behavior is entertained.

If this is the case, it’s been my experience that the only triggers I know of are involved with guns and Roy Rogers horse, Trigger.

Triggers never existed until someone made it up. This term that began in AA / NA made its way to rehab. Unfortunately, it’s used as an excuse to not learn coping skills. It’s similar to the duality idea of “my addict is out to get me or the alcoholic mind. There’s no alcoholic mind any more than there’s a duality.

Learning coping skills was a major aspect of my recovery. I remember years ago at AA meetings, members used to say their copper was broken when they had a hard time coping with life which usually involves others. The bottom line, the world doesn’t do anything to me unless I allow it.

Stratman1

What I meant was in dealing with narcissistic people basically. I used the word "triggers" as I'm new to the lingo of recovery.

In the past I have drank to compete with them on their level, and I have drank to gain the dutch courage just to flip them off.

I have let them walk all over me, then I drank & was confused. None of course works for me. You were right above anyway.

What do you mean?

Soberwolf

I was saying counselling is a good idea Strat when i said what will you do i meant it
as will you ring up & organising some counselling

Havnt heard from you in a bit how are things ?

Berrybean

There are two parts of it...

(1) How you actually deal with that person practically (face to face, by e-mail, telephone, ignoring).

(2) How you deal with the feelings (resentments) that they cause in you. This may seem the least important - but actually it's the MOST important as far as your sobriety goes. Even staying peeved at someone or something that is understandable and justified can threaten our sobriety. As you say you did (and I did most of my life) it's easy to end up drinking through emotions and problems rather than deal with them.

For me personally, learning how to do this is the most amazing part of my recovery so far. (I couldn't have done it without doing step 4 of AA to be honest.)

Hope you feel better soon. Just remember - drinking won't make anything better.

Stratman1

Thanks Beccy that is helpful.

Stratman1

Shite

Soberwolf

Sorry to hear that

Dee74

Whats happening strat?

D

Stratman1

Nothing dee. Why?

Dee74

Your response in #29.

D

Stratman1

My life is shite man.

I'm alive, I got a roof over my head and I'm able to eat. But thats it.

I've never had any positive influence in my life. Lot's of negatives though.

The only messages I have ever got from people in my life, is that I don't deserve to be happy.

That I should be doing x,y,z, whatever it may be to conform to somebody else's notions and whatnots.

So I believe that I don't deserve to be happy. However, I don't believe that I'm alive to forfeit my happiness to others.

'For their are brighter sides to life and I should know because I've seen them, but not often'. A line from Morissey and the Smiths.

Maybe I'm just a rebel eh? Perhaps. But I aint taking no **** from abusive people thats for sure. I have had a lifetime of that, its not an option.

Stratman1

Stratman1

Most everything I know about life has been gleaned from music and drinking/drugs.

Weird isn't it. Anyways think I'l take back up drinking again and make one last go of it.

Dee74

No sure if you just want a reaction or not, but drinking never solved any of those issues before - why would it now?

I think you can have a happy life Strat but to move on you're gonna have to take your hands from around people's throats - y'know?

D

Stratman1

Not really man. I think alcohol has been the main motivation behind all and any positive experiences in my life, I'm sure that it has.

And only half the negative ones. You are right in saying it hasn't solved those issues but. Who's throats have I got my hands around!?

Dee74

These people for a start Strat.

D

Stratman1

I'm talking about my parents and my abnormal upbringing, man. Much as it beheathes me to say that.

And they weren't necessarily conscious messages either, although some were. It is universal though.