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Anyone else not get along with in-law because of drinking?

Old 04-27-2015, 10:14 PM
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Anyone else not get along with in-law because of drinking?

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable, but it's been a while now that my mother in law only brings me up if there is something bad going on. It really annoys the hell out of me! For example our neighbor today came over and told us that someone was asking about one of our cars and what color it was. Why? We have no idea....so my wife tells her mom and the first thing she mentions was "well was someone driving around the neighborhood drunk"(implying me of course)? She doesn't mention that I work hard and have 2 jobs to support my family or anything good for that matter. I know I haven't been an angel whatsoever but my good outweighs the bad since her daughter and I have been together for 8 years.

Should I even care is my real question I guess that I only get mentioned if there is a bad situation taking place? I don't even want to see her because all I think in my mind is her judging me for the 5% wrong I've done while the other 95% good goes unnoticed.
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Old 04-27-2015, 10:27 PM
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Not at all unreasonable, Getright. Don't let the fools grind you down. Just ignore it.
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Old 04-27-2015, 11:00 PM
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Your drinking has affected and hurt her daughter so she is focusing on it.
if you want to see what drinking does to people close to us check out the friends and family members on SR. I am pretty sure that there have been many instances where her little girl (your wife) called her crying about your drinking.
my good outweighs the bad since her daughter and I have been together for 8 years.
Not necessarily, some people just get stuck in bad relationships for decades for various reasons because they are codependent or too scared to leave or afraid to be alone or don't have the means to support themselves.
I see you are fairly newly sober. Congratulations but keep in mind that it will take a while to regain people's trust. Just keep focusing on your recovery
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Old 04-27-2015, 11:27 PM
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I get that. Still sucks though when I'm trying to do the right thing and it never seems good enough. I'm doing this for me (getting sober). I also want to keep my health and my family so I'm doing it for them as well. Kinda hard knowing shes judging me all the time, but you're right. Focus on my recovery!

Originally Posted by Carlotta View Post
Your drinking has affected and hurt her daughter so she is focusing on it.
if you want to see what drinking does to people close to us check out the friends and family members on SR. I am pretty sure that there have been many instances where her little girl (your wife) called her crying about your drinking.

Not necessarily, some people just get stuck in bad relationships for decades for various reasons because they are codependent or too scared to leave or afraid to be alone or don't have the means to support themselves.
I see you are fairly newly sober. Congratulations but keep in mind that it will take a while to regain people's trust. Just keep focusing on your recovery
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Old 04-27-2015, 11:36 PM
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Keep up the good work, things will improve
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Old 04-28-2015, 01:36 AM
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GetRight i wish i could say my alcoholism was 5% bad & i was 95% good overall

That would make me sound near perfect ?

Try & not let it get to you everything changes in time i promise
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Old 04-28-2015, 02:54 AM
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Hi Getright, how's the sobriety going? Not implying you've relapsed, it's just that I remember you from before, in your early days.

About the MIL: my son's MIL hates him (he's not perfect but he's not hate material at all), and he we've now made it into a bit of a joke. If you can laugh at her with your wife, and recognise you'll probably never win, it takes some of the sting out of it. My son even made a joke about it in his wedding speech.
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:16 AM
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You are going to have to deal with this person for the rest of your married life... Put yourself in her shoes Nd everything that has happenend in this 8 years. Don't say anything. Show her, show her, show her.

Not unreasonable, but don't let this get to you. AV is going to jump on it if you do.
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:43 AM
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Ditto what Carlotta said. Your mother in law sounds like the type of person who deals with hurt and disappointment by sniping. Sadly, I am too but working on it. If she hasn't always been this way, just ignore it and show her by your actions that you are working on your sobriety. Don't let it get to you because that would just feed into it.

My husband and I have been together ten years. Doesn't mean anything. It's been terrible for much of the time. I quit drinking 17 months ago. Husband relapsed. He tells people what a great job he has and how hard he works. What he doesn't tell anyone, because it isn't a good thing, is that he cashes his paycheck every week and gets drunk and high. I see very little if any of it and in fact, have been dipping into savings to make basic bill payments which I shouldn't have to do.

Stay with sobriety. Work a plan. Don't drink. Trusting again? Takes a long time. Focus on you though, not your mother in law. What she thinks is not your business.
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:47 AM
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The point of my husband story is examine what you're saying and thinking. Be honest with yourself. Have you always been hard working and if yes, to what end and at what cost. Just don't let it get you down and drink over it. Not worth it.
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Old 04-28-2015, 08:58 AM
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Carlotta had some good insight on the ying and yang of the blame/regret/new me paradigm. Makes a lot of sense............

That said, being a doormat in not part of the program for life. This includes all parties - you, your wife and Endora.

Keep staying sober and as SW / others pointed out. Life gets much better!
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Old 04-28-2015, 03:12 PM
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I believe it. Life has been easier since being sober. I mean life is still going to throw things at you, but I've been able to handle them much better than before when I picked up a bottle and drank myself into oblivion.

Thanks for all the support everyone!

Originally Posted by Flynbuy View Post
Carlotta had some good insight on the ying and yang of the blame/regret/new me paradigm. Makes a lot of sense............

That said, being a doormat in not part of the program for life. This includes all parties - you, your wife and Endora.

Keep staying sober and as SW / others pointed out. Life gets much better!
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