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Secret sobriety

Old 04-27-2015, 03:09 PM
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Secret sobriety

Anyone keeping their sobriety quiet? Even from spouse? Please don't lecture on telling spouse, close friends/family, etc. I'm not there yet. Just wanted to know if there's someone like me.
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Old 04-27-2015, 03:16 PM
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I haven't told everyone I know about it .. As its non of their business but those closest to me do know
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Old 04-27-2015, 03:19 PM
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I wasn't quiet about my drinking, so I didn't feel I needed to be quiet about my sobriety. And if would have been hard to keep not drinking a secret from my wife; it being a pretty noticable departure from my usual drunken behavior.

That said, I didn't broadcast it either.
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Old 04-27-2015, 03:19 PM
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Yup, I didn't tell people.( I don't have a spouse though )
I think it's up to yiu to decide when and what to tell people.
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Old 04-27-2015, 03:19 PM
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Welcome Betha! Great to see you here.

I had to tell people because I was so obviously having a meltdown. I was drinking all day & everyone knew it. I agree that it's a personal decision and you need to do what feels right for you, and your situation. I know many here who didn't share their plans to become sober.
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Old 04-27-2015, 03:21 PM
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I told everybody - but I was a very public drinker by the end.

8 years on I would have handled it differently.

I don't believe anyone needs to know - outside of close family - spouse etc.
I couldn't keep something like that from my spouse....I mean literally - she reads me like a book

and yep, I read that you're 'not there yet' - just giving my opinion.
D
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Old 04-27-2015, 03:25 PM
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I didn't tell anyone to begin with. I let my action speak for me for a couple of months and then addressed it with my spouse when I was ready. I have shared this struggle with my sister too. She has been sober 20 years and understands.

Wishing you the best.
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Old 04-27-2015, 03:26 PM
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Thank you all. It's nice to hear feedback from others. First time I've EVER posted or joined any kind chat/forum/blog kind of thing. It's scary to admit the problem, but more so knowing What I've been doing, binge drinking for 25yrs. I thought people don't know, but I'm pretty sure they know more than I think. Anyway, thanks!
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Old 04-27-2015, 03:40 PM
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Hello & Welcome Betha nice to meet you

I didnt tell many mainly my immediate family but they are all in recovery except my father my late mother died sober

i told my gp, i told ppl at my first aa mtn right at the beginning (i wasnt asked but i wanted it known with ppl who understood & could help me)

My gf's family dont know as they dont need to & would only worry them ive been with my gf close to 15 years and they never suspected in that time and theres no point in just stating it to them

I wouldnt tell employers or work colleagues either i have only told trusted friends oh & my next door neighbour knows thats it

Welcome aboard
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Old 04-27-2015, 04:54 PM
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Secret sobriety

Thank you
I do want to tell my husband, but it's only been 48hrs, and I've been here before. This time I hope sobriety is permanent and is the last try. It scared me when I asked my kids(separately) what color my eyes were and they both said "blue with a little yellow all around". !
I can do this, I think....I hope ...
You all really help, and the fact I can be anonymous but still be honest and me. Thank you!
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Old 04-27-2015, 05:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Betha View Post
Thank you
I do want to tell my husband, but it's only been 48hrs, and I've been here before. This time I hope sobriety is permanent and is the last try. It scared me when I asked my kids(separately) what color my eyes were and they both said "blue with a little yellow all around". !
I can do this, I think....I hope ...
You all really help, and the fact I can be anonymous but still be honest and me. Thank you!
I haven't told anyone yet either. If the time is right I will, but for now I am quite happy to just slip quietly into sobriety and maybe people will notice my lifestyle change with no big deal.

Welcome aboard!
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Old 04-27-2015, 05:38 PM
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Betha,
It helped me to have a plan of sorts this last time. In my previous and many failure to quit, I had generally been reactive to my feelings. When I felt bad from drinking both physically and emotionally I could last a little while. Then I started to feel better and my reaction was to think I could drink a little again.....

This last time I've been tremendously proactive in my approach and it has made the difference for me. BTW....my eyes cleared its been nice to be bright eyed again. .
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Old 04-27-2015, 05:55 PM
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I didn't tell people the first time I tried and I went back. This time I did as part of my plan - but if you can do it without you shouldn't feel like you need to tell anyone.

But I know it helps me
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Old 04-27-2015, 06:04 PM
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Hi Cauliflower,
How long have you been sober?
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Old 04-27-2015, 06:08 PM
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Being quiet, that is, not declaring this to anyone gives one an "out" because they are not accountable to anyone.
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Old 04-27-2015, 06:09 PM
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You should wait until you are ready to discuss it. My boyfriend knows, but that is it. I did not tell my family, because I have said it so many times it would not mean anything to them. Also what if I disappoint them again? I want some time under my belt before I go and proclaim my sobriety.
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Old 04-27-2015, 06:16 PM
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Tried it. I was successful for 2 years.
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Old 04-27-2015, 06:28 PM
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Welcome to the family! I only told my immediate family. I was an at home alone drinker so no one else knew.
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Old 04-27-2015, 06:36 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
Welcome to the family! I only told my immediate family. I was an at home alone drinker so no one else knew.
I am (was) too. When the house was quiet and I could relax. I could drink a whole bottle of red! I would be so hungover. I thought I could hide it but now I think people knew. I felt like I had cloudy glassy eyes even though I used visine, and I felt bloated . I don't think my makeup hid it well.
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Old 04-27-2015, 06:42 PM
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I was 2 weeks sober when I talked to my husband about it. To be honest it was to burn my bridges back. He didn't believe me anyway so be prepared to hear "No you are not" if you say alcoholic.
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