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Secret sobriety

Old 04-27-2015, 06:52 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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In the beginning I told a few people I trusted. It made life a lot easier when I went to IOP or meetings plus when I missed parties or other drinking events. I needed to be accountable to my wife and needed her support.

Alcoholism is a world of lies and secrets. Telling the truth to at least one person is liberating
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Old 04-27-2015, 07:13 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I haven't had the right conversation with some, and told nothing to others. The only people who know most to all is anyone here whose read my posts and my counselor.

As liberating as it is to open up like that, I haven't had the guts to tell the people closest to me. Even though they would absolutely support me.

I feel I need to tell them. I'm leaving myself an out. Those closest to me think I'm taking a break. Honestly....I'm still processing the idea of living a sober life for myself! Even though I have quit pot, then went crazy with it as soon as I got some. Even though I quit oxi's and went crazy with Vicodin as soon as I got some.

The more I type, the more I now I need to address this.

Thanks for the posts and getting the wheels turning.
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Old 04-28-2015, 03:42 AM
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I'm like you. I kept the extent of my drinking problem hidden (or so I thought) and am keeping my recovery private as well. When I've shared with my husband in the past he was too eager to downplay it and seemed to believe that one day I would be a normal drinker who just had to moderate. When I relapsed after 14 months of sobriety, he didn't bat an eye. I feel safer keeping my sobriety to my self. For me it is very private. Although there are times I do wish I had someone close to me that I could confide in and feel safe in that decision. At this point I don't think I'm ready to share how deep this runs and honestly I don't believe that those around me are ready to hear it.

Welcome and best wishes to you in your recovery.
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Old 04-28-2015, 03:57 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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My life was so messed up by the time I decided to sober up that anyone who cared about me knew what I was going through, and the people who turned out to be drinking buddies were cut out of my life.

I was lucky, people supported me.

I guess you have to ask yourself why you want to keep it a secret?
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Old 04-28-2015, 04:09 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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It's pretty much impossible to keep any secrets like that here. It's just too communal of a society, and whether you like it or not, everyone within about a 3km radius is going to know the basics of you, and what you're up to. Can't do anything or go anywhere without everyone finding out.

Takes a while to get used to, but I actually love it. Works great for someone like me who likes to isolate himself, because it's really tough to do that here.
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Old 04-28-2015, 04:18 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I told close relatives that I was struggling, and they helped me. Only a need to know basis thing.
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:21 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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I kept mine a secret from everyone except my SO for about three months. At that point I started to think about why I wasn't telling anyone and a friend from AA suggested that maybe I was "leaving the door open" to drinking by not letting people (friends and family) know. I had to think about that for a few days and then decided to just start telling family that I haven't had a drink in xx days.

I wasn't telling anyone because I was scared I couldn't stay stopped. I think it does leave the door open if it is a complete secret for too long.
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Old 04-28-2015, 05:34 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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I tried secret sobriety on and off for a couple of years.

I never had much luck at it.
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Old 04-28-2015, 06:02 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by silentrun View Post
.......be prepared to hear "No you are not" if you say alcoholic.
Exactly the reason I have only mentioned briefly in passing to the one person who is most likely to jeopardise my sobriety and nobody else - unless you count the thousands of members here that is.

I'm ready to be accountable now though so I've told a very trusted friend about my dependence and will gradually let others know as and when it's necessary.

I've been here a few times before as well and though my partner hasn't said anything yet, I'm reasonably sure he's noticed the coffee cup next to me instead of a glass. I'm also pretty sure he's noticed the absence of the wine box in the fridge as well.

People who are close to you can't fail to notice-not if they care about you anyway.

Welcome to the forum. Keep us posted.
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Old 04-28-2015, 06:29 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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I haven't told anyone except the people on here. Eventually I will share with others....
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