JaneLane

Hi guys

I'm eight days sober and for some reason I woke up this morning entirely freaked out.

I've got this massive sense of disappointment and confusion hanging over me and this thought of "Oh ****, I think I really might be an addict/alcoholic"

I have a recovery programme and I feel pretty good, but it feels like I've JUST realised that I have a drinking problem and it's hit me like a ton of bricks.

I just wanted to get this out. I'm at a meeting tonight and might share then, but this sense of shame and genuine shock is unpleasant and I don't know where it has come from.

Nowsthetime

Yep, let the recovery begin. These are feelings that all bubbled up and that you're going to have to learn to deal with in a sober manner. Don't worry because it is completely normal and it's part of the process. You are making this change and you should be very proud.

Vent here, that's what we are here for.

JaneLane

"let the recovery begin" made me laugh. Thank you!

Coldfusion

As time goes by, the reality of what we have done sinks in. This is one reason it's important to have a recovery plan, such as AA's Twelve Steps, which can carry you through the hard times.

JaneLane

Thanks Cold. That's a good point. I do need to make sure that I don't get caught up in bad choices I made previously though. I will definitely be sharing at tonight's meeting :-)

doggonecarl

Same realization happened to me, except I didn't get disappointed or confused. What happened was acceptance. Acceptance that I wasn't a normal drinker and was never going to be a normal drinker. Acceptance that I would never be able to drink again. Acceptance that I had a problem that needed to be addressed in a very specific manner in order to be solved. Acceptance, not disappointment.

As Nowsthetime said, let the recovery begin.

JaneLane

Thank you for taking the time to comment. I thought I felt acceptance and this feeling came out of nowhere. I hope to get to acceptance :-)

courage2

JaneLane, welcome to the world! It's freaky, isn't it? -- realizing this is it, this is your life, and you're going to be in it 100%, with the support of whatever program you adopt. And without drinking or drugs.

And you will! Beautifully -- you're already sharing here, and you will tonight, and that helps you & helps us all.

doggonecarl

I also might add, eight days sober, while a great accomplishment, is early in recovery and one's moods and emotions are going to be all over the place. Stay sober and everything will even out.

courage2

I don't think you lack acceptance. Don't overthink it (she said LOL). You're freaked out by the enormity of the commitment you've taken on. Doesn't mean you don't accept your alcoholism and all its consequences. It means that it frightens you. It's good to fear what would harm you.

Soberwolf

I felt like that JaneLane i understand completely its daunting in the breginning highs & lows everywhere you made me remember when i felt like that

Trust me this realisation is a blessing in disguise my life improved so much in sobriety & continues to do so

Have a fab mtn (((((JaneLane)))))

Ruby2

I the acceptance thing going on. I can say and think I've accepted it all I want but feeling it, is, for me and entirely different matter. I would bring this up in a meeting or privately. Don't get too overwhelmed. I'd try taking it in smaller chunks. One day at a time.

Hang in there.

saoutchik

Realising that you REALLY DO have a drink problem, an alcohol dependency or however people choose to describe it, that is a daunting and unpleasant thing, a whole lifetime of never drinking!

Actually when you look at it another way then it's just some fermented vegetable matter that you don't be drinking.

We all probably managed well enough up until our mid teens. Just a day at a time is enough