EndGameNYC

Not a good idea. Like the "bad sign" in your avatar.

I'm very familiar with pain, and I know how it can affect everything, but giving in to your pain and your depression in this way can lead to much worse, if only because by doing so, you've mimicked the behavior associated with active addiction, even if this move doesn't lead to further addictive behaviors. You've already mentioned that, as is true of so many of us, you're used to grabbing something, alcohol, to ease the pain in the past. I'm concerned that you're now doing something very similar.

I've had two total hip replacements, one in November of 2013, when I was sober for twenty seven months, and then the second in August of 2014. I was in near-constant pain, and getting around was difficult for months prior to each surgery. Months before my first surgery, I went to the ER to refill my antidepressants and nonaddictive sleep meds, since I didn't have a regular psychiatrist at the time. I also wanted to have my hip checked, so I could kill two birds with one stone.

When the ER doc came to see me, he gave me a lecture that started out with, "If you're here for pain meds, you're not getting them!" This was after I filled out the usual forms and before I said a word to him. I told him that I wasn't there for painkillers, but to refill my meds and get an idea about what was going on with my hip.

I'm no hero, and was taking Ibuprofen at the time, but I needed to do something about my hip, so I scheduled an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon after my visit to the ER.

If I have a point to make, it's this: You're setting yourself up to believe that you have a bleak future based on current circumstances. You're becoming increasingly depressed, and you've purchased painkillers from "a guy you know," apparently without a doctor's supervision. What you seem to see is someone who's attending to a medical condition not of your own making in the best way you can. What I'm observing is dangerous thinking and behaviors that may be leading to a very dismal outcome, the kind of thinking and behaviors that people associate with being on "auto pilot" when they relapse.

I apologize if my comments disturb you in any way, but what I said needed to be said.

brynn

Oh zen! Listen....I hear you about the pain and worry! And I know what I'm talking about when I say that!

I'm in the middle of a really bad MS flare up. I'm in a wheelchair right now...yep! Me. In a wheelchair. Um, hello..... I'm a long distance runner....the wheelchair thing is NOT in my plan!! And the pain....yep....lots of pain. And the worry about the future.....yep...lots of worry.

But you know, I'm STILL accountable to myself for how I handle this situation....the pain, the uncertainty, the worry. All THAT stuff is going to be there regardless if I choose to drink or not. All that stuff does not give me the green light to just say WTF and get wasted into oblivion because the truth is that I am going to fight like hell to get better! And I can't do that drunk!! And neither can you.
Xoxo

Dee74

I'm sorry I missed this Zen but IMO EndGame and Brynn really nailed it.
Go see your Dr - you'll look back soon and all this will be a blip in the distance

D

Wholesome

Aw Brynn that is just the worst news. I'm so sorry. I hope this flare up stops soon and you go back into remission. It's so unfair and scary. For what it's worth I admire your courage and grace in dealing with it. You will get back to running! I know it.

Endgame you are right! Getting into pills is as bad idea as is drinking over it. I actually got a prescription for pain pills from my doctor the other day but I'm only taking them when it's really bad.... usually at night cuz I have a hard time sleeping with the pain and discomfort.

I just applied for a promotion at work and my superintendent thinks I'm a good candidate and has recommended me. If I get the position I will have full benefits and be able to get surgery. Right now I can't take the time off work with no pay so surgery has been on hold while my knees slowly get worse. But fingers crossed that I get the new position!! I'm currently on modified duties and sometimes they have nothing to offer me so I get sent home which adds to the stress and depression..... I end up worrying about money and the future. But maybe I will get the promotion and everything will turn around and get much much better

brynn

Zen, that's great news! My fingers are crossed!
I hope it happens soon so you can get some relief for those knees!
Xoxo

Mountainmanbob

64 here
have had two operations rt knee
one operation left knee
good news for you
these operations usually turn out very well
also with fast recoveries
I ride bicycles and hike today
no problem
tell your doctor you need operation
last time my doctor said I didn't
after looking at MRI
He said yes I need operation
best bet -- MRI both knees

PurpleKnight

That's great news Zen!!

Wholesome

MM that's why I think I need to get a second opinion. The surgeon I saw told me that it would be 4 months of bed ridden recovery followed by a few months of crutches then 6 months of physio.... so a year before I was fully mobile!! I said no. I simply can't have that kind of time off or ask my boyfriend to pick up all the slack for that long of a time.

But the surgeon wasn't talking about a knee replacement. He was saying that he would go into my knee and clean it all out, it's very swollen and they think I may have pieces of cartilage floating around in it that the MRI didn't pick up. And he would drill little holes in the bones to try to stimulate new cartilage to grow. It all sounds really gross and creepy to me. And frankly terrifying.

I just think there must be other options! I think because of my age they don't want to do a replacement yet until they have exhausted other approaches.

Purplenight I know!!! I'm super excited and I can't stop thinking about and rehearsing how I will do in my interview! I've been racking my brain thinking about examples of different situations that I handled at work. I'm going to nail the interview!!

Soberwolf

yes you are Zen as you sir are awesome

Wholesome

Lol yes I am but I am a awesome lady!

Mountainmanbob

Another opinion seems to be in order.
I have had cartridge removal
and the drilling you mention.
All recoveries were quick.
Wife also had her knee cleaned out and some rough edges smoothed out - recovery - quick.
Not sure why your's would take so long ?

MM

Wholesome

Really? I wonder why he would tell me that? Clearly he is not the surgeon I would pick!

How long was your recovery?

That has been really my only deterrent. If it was a reasonable recovery time I would do it right away despite my fear of going under the knife.

brynn

A second opinion is definitely in order, zen. There are very few, if any, 'bedridden' recoveries these days. They want you up and moving to promote healing. The surgery you're taking about is fairly routine and with some PT you'll be back to work in no time. Keep us posted!

DuhDave

Could be something as simple as gout. Was for me. Years ago I was in horriffic pain with both knees. About the time I went into rehab. For 13 years I was sober and never had a problem.

Started to drink again 13 years later...and the gout and pain came right back!

That was 17 years ago. I've had a gout attack about every 3 months or so. I just cant seem to learn.

Beer is the worse thing to cause gout...but ANY alcohol will trigger it.

Just saying...

OH....and a MRI doesnt "miss" anything...IF read properly by qualified personel...usually a certified Radiologist...or a Specialty Physician.

Hope this helps.

DD

Wholesome

LOL it's not gout. I have been seeing a specialist for many months. It was in fact my specialist who said that perhaps there are possibly, but not for sure, tiny pieces of cartilage floating around that the MRI didn't pick up..... and that's why the bursitis won't go away. But without going in to clean out it's all just conjecture.

I hurt my knee from a fall while doing my mail route. I work for the Post Office and fell up some stairs and landed on a bent knee really hard. Now my other knee is paying the price for doing double duty ever since.

I wish it was as simple as gout

Wholesome

Not that I wouldn't deserve some gout for all the drinking I did for so many years!!

brynn

Since you were hurt on the job you should be able to get workers comp or whatever the equivalent is there in Canada . At the very least they should give you paid time off for surgery and recuperation I would think.

Wholesome

They denied my claim. My fault really. I was naive... it was my first time ever getting hurt on duty. I foolishly finished my route although I was limping. I minimized it.... I really didn't think it was that bad at the time. Then I took the next day off, it was a Friday, I iced it and rested all weekend and tried to work on Monday..... I didn't finish my route cuz I was in too much pain. Then still didn't go to the doctor, kept thinking it just needed time. I didn't go until Thursday, a week later!! And only because my boyfriend insisted. I was a stubborn fool. Trying to be stoic and living in denial. Before this I'd never had an injury, I thought I was invincible. WSIB (workplace safety and insurance board) denied my claim because I kept working. They don't believe me. There were no witnesses and I didn't report it to work until the day I didn't finish my route.

If I had it to do over again I would of played it very differently.

Wholesome

I'm still in the midst of fighting it but it doesn't look good.

Wholesome

Even with the medical evidence WSIB is implying that it could be a sports injury and I can't prove it happened on the job since I didn't report it or seek medical assistance. The original claim was over a sprain... I had torn ligaments. The MRI took months and then showed a bunch of damage I wasn't aware of when I first filed the claim.

But the story isn't finished unfolding. I am appealing with a letter from my doctor. I'm not going down without a fight. But I'm not that hopeful. They are notorious for being crooks and denying legitimate claims and I messed up right from the beginning.