Girlfriend in sober living, what should i expect?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2
Girlfriend in sober living, what should i expect?
Hello everyone,
This is my first time in here. I recently discovered that my girlfriend of 4 months has been hiding a heroin addiction and went into detox. she is now in a sober living facility. We spent every day talking, skyping, on the phone. we never went a day without talking at least once a day. But now, things have changed dramatically and it is making me anxious. I understand she is emerging herself in meetings etc, and it takes up most of her time. But i feel like she isnt making any effort to keep me posted, or just check in with me and chat, even if its for a few minutes. i begin to feel resentful when she says shes going to call me in the morning, or send me a msg when shes free and i do not hear from her for a whole day. I am sure there has to be at least one moment during her day where she can take a few minutes to check her phone and reply. that is all i ask. is that too much to ask for? what should i be expecting, and any advice on how i can cope with all this new change? i know most of you will say, "get on with your life and focus on you and let her do what she needs to do" but going from always having contact to hardly any....is extremely difficult to get adjusted to. any advice is greatly appreciated.
This is my first time in here. I recently discovered that my girlfriend of 4 months has been hiding a heroin addiction and went into detox. she is now in a sober living facility. We spent every day talking, skyping, on the phone. we never went a day without talking at least once a day. But now, things have changed dramatically and it is making me anxious. I understand she is emerging herself in meetings etc, and it takes up most of her time. But i feel like she isnt making any effort to keep me posted, or just check in with me and chat, even if its for a few minutes. i begin to feel resentful when she says shes going to call me in the morning, or send me a msg when shes free and i do not hear from her for a whole day. I am sure there has to be at least one moment during her day where she can take a few minutes to check her phone and reply. that is all i ask. is that too much to ask for? what should i be expecting, and any advice on how i can cope with all this new change? i know most of you will say, "get on with your life and focus on you and let her do what she needs to do" but going from always having contact to hardly any....is extremely difficult to get adjusted to. any advice is greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
I've been there, but in a different context. For 3+ years he constantly told me he was "too busy" for me, but gosh darn, thinks about me a lot. Still does it now actually, so it's been 10 years. Had no problem pulling money out of my bank account though, but gosh darnit, was just too busy to talk to me.
Anyway, sorry about that. Please know, she's going through a massive transformation right now, and probably isn't quite sure what's going on herself. I fully understand it's easier said than done, but give her some time, and see how she comes out on the other side.
Anyway, sorry about that. Please know, she's going through a massive transformation right now, and probably isn't quite sure what's going on herself. I fully understand it's easier said than done, but give her some time, and see how she comes out on the other side.
Chances
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Gosford, NSW
Posts: 110
In fairness I think you should question and consider the nature of your relationship.
4 months - not long
Heroin addiction you didn't know about - doesn't sound like a close or open 4 months.
She's in rehab so trying to save and reconnect to herself - Given all this do you really feel you know her as she seems a lost soul.
Your concern about her efforts towards you when she's fighting heroin may not be supportive to her - so a dangerous negative to her rehab
I would suggest at the very least you should give her space and ask yourself do you know her or are you confusing your beliefs with your hopes.
4 months - not long
Heroin addiction you didn't know about - doesn't sound like a close or open 4 months.
She's in rehab so trying to save and reconnect to herself - Given all this do you really feel you know her as she seems a lost soul.
Your concern about her efforts towards you when she's fighting heroin may not be supportive to her - so a dangerous negative to her rehab
I would suggest at the very least you should give her space and ask yourself do you know her or are you confusing your beliefs with your hopes.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
I'm sorry you are in this situation.
I really do think you should focus on yourself and carry on with your life. If your girlfriend promises to contact you and then doesn't, she may be trying to figure things out in her life.
I really do think you should focus on yourself and carry on with your life. If your girlfriend promises to contact you and then doesn't, she may be trying to figure things out in her life.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Whatever she's doing, she's not including you the way she used to, so it's natural you'd feel left out. It seems that you concerned that she may be moving away from you, and that's a legitimate concern. Your best option is to back off and allow her to heal.
As others have commented, you've only been together for four months, during which your GF hid her heroine addiction. You, I and anyone else may not like it, but you've made a fragile connection with someone who's not close to being completely present to you and to herself. She's been withdrawing from reality by her drug use and, as a result, she's unlikely to be familiar with her own feelings, needs and desires. Probably among the worst conditions under which to begin a relationship.
Sober living can be like living in a bubble. Different rules than the rest of the world, different focus, and a kind of built-in protection from the world of addictions, but also preparation for re-entering the world in productive ways that may not include people, places and things that were previously part of the addiction cycle. Thoughts need to be understood and changed, feelings need to be felt and managed in different ways, and behaviors need to be analyzed and adjusted. That's a lot to ask of anyone.
You've already commented on your not wanting to hear that it may be best for you to focus on yourself and what you want and need from life but, really, there is no better choice.
As others have commented, you've only been together for four months, during which your GF hid her heroine addiction. You, I and anyone else may not like it, but you've made a fragile connection with someone who's not close to being completely present to you and to herself. She's been withdrawing from reality by her drug use and, as a result, she's unlikely to be familiar with her own feelings, needs and desires. Probably among the worst conditions under which to begin a relationship.
Sober living can be like living in a bubble. Different rules than the rest of the world, different focus, and a kind of built-in protection from the world of addictions, but also preparation for re-entering the world in productive ways that may not include people, places and things that were previously part of the addiction cycle. Thoughts need to be understood and changed, feelings need to be felt and managed in different ways, and behaviors need to be analyzed and adjusted. That's a lot to ask of anyone.
You've already commented on your not wanting to hear that it may be best for you to focus on yourself and what you want and need from life but, really, there is no better choice.
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